Someone help me hold my arms up...

[FloralBunting]

...because they are flagging under the weight of parenting a troubled daughter amongst all the other stuff.

I'm posting this here, rather than elsewhere on MN, because I'm reasonably sure to get a decent amount of genuinely compassionate responses from GC women.

As some of you know, my daughter is struggling with 'trans identity' issues and has been for sometime. She had a really wobbly episode this evening, and DP is handling it all very poorly. He's probably dealing with some depression himself, but he is appallingly defensive about everything, and is taking my daughter's mental state as an attack on him.

So she's sobbing this evening about how much she hates her body as it is, and shouting at everyone, and I am trying to hold everything together after three night shifts, and instead of trying to help me, or support me, or even just make a cup of tea, DP has gone to bed because he's tired and sick of the drama.

Well, yeah, it's not very entertaining in our house right now. But I don't get to check out. A CAHMS appointment is coming up next week and it will be me going, of course. I am buckling under the weight of this and all the other normal day to day stuff and work stress.

Thank you so much. I am so heartened by your responses. Lovely gentle day, kids now coming home in dribs and drabs, a good phonecall with DP on his lunch break, and DD was a bit more settled this morning. I'm trying to get her to eat properly, so I'm glad it's casserole weather because that's a good way to get more veggies in her.

Oh, and thanks for the comments about my posts. Sometimes you can feel that you're telling into a void, but it's great to know that I'm helping someone with what I'm writing. And thanks for the donation the pp made in response to this. That's brilliant.

Im pleased youve had a nice day floral

So happy to hear that today is an improvement, Floral.

You are so not shouting into a void, Floral , you're a poster whose name I recognise on the board and always has something thought provoking to say.

So sorry you're going through this it's good to hear that today is looking like going more gently.

Floral I missed this yesterday. So glad to hear you've had a more peaceful day, but it sounds like a continual rollercoaster.

You're definitely not writing into a void - compassion and empathy doesn't always translate through the written word, but it's lovely to see so much of it over today for you.

I was one of 'those' teenagers who caused my parents massive concern, not through 'gender' issues, but as many above, through the mire of trying to navigate teenage mental health and puberty.

I still don't know how they coped. I couldn't change what happened but now, as a parent myself, understand how difficult it must have been for them to support me.

It's like a storm with some teenagers. Now all this gender mind fuckery to deal with too.

Glad you had a better day strong mum

glad to hear you had a better day today, floral

Your posts are invaluable here - you're so sparky and intelligent and it shines through. You are heard

Sorry I missed this yesterday, FB

Supporting a complicated teenage is exhausting, isn’t it?

When you see CAMHS can you push for some support for you?

When my son was off the rails we did 6 months of MST (multi systemic therapy) and it changed everything. We got this through the NHS and had to get to a crisis point first but knowing what I know now I would’ve happily done family therapy, self funded if necessary and got started a lot earlier.

A family therapist will be able to help your DP understand why leaving you to deal with it isn’t fair (and also, isn’t nearly as effective as both of you working together).

I used to think therapy was a pile of old tat, but when I stopped resisting and actually tried it, it was very useful.

If family therapy doesn’t seem doable right now, perhaps just a couple of sessions of plain old counselling just for you, to give you a chance to offload outside of the family home, will be worthwhile.

It’s like the oxygen masks on the plane, gotta get your own one on first.

Xx

FB - hope that your plan of today went well and that you had a thoroughly enjoyable time watching Netflix.

I, too, welcome casserole and soup weather as easier ways of offering vegetables to people. :)