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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Oh FFS! Pronouns at work. Need to rant!

80 replies

PedantWithAnAxeToGrind · 28/08/2018 18:14

Namechanged on the grounds that I at least hope this may still be vaguely identifiable due to its rarity.

I realise this doesn't hurt me personally in the grand scheme of things, but I do work in a sector that makes it twice as hard for women, still. And yet:

Apparently, we now all get to set our pronouns in our work IT systems. We are kindly given the choice between he/she/they/define your own via text input. Yes, really. We get to use our own made up ones if we please.

They also helpfully educate us that pronouns apparently 'refer to our gender identities or expressions'. No, they really fucking don't! Pronouns are 'pro nomina', i.e. words used in the place of names. Nothing more or less. No metaphysical BS required.

WIBU I to set mine to 'fuckoff/fuckoffs (or fucksoff?)/fuckoffself'?

Sorry, dear firm, I normally like working for you. You pay me very decently and pronote me on a regular basis. But when my ex-boss stated in the middle of a team meeting that he'd like to spill something other than coffee on me, he got a slap on the wrist and a promotion the year after. When I sit in management level meetings, everyone else in there except myself has had the privilege of not being brought up to be pleasing and conciliatory and developed a thundering baritone some time during puberty to boot. That would be because - in my division at least - we literally have but a handful of woman managers. So much so that I'm trotted out like a fucking show pony at every occasion to serve as the showcase diversity hire success story. You once kindly offered me a fucking makeup course among my suggested trainings. I've had to fight twice as hard and to be three times as good as my male peers to get where I am. I've had to escalate up to C-level for you to allow me to make the best woman on my team the team manager, because she'd been on mat leave before and was still in the age range where another might be expected, so you thought the idiot man might be the safer bet.

... and then you come and try to explain to me that 'gender' is what I identify as or express? And you're making me declare that and write it into your database? As in, the crap I take every day because I happened to choose a male dominated career despite my X-chromosome is somehow my own fault because I identify into it or something?

Sorry, dear firm (not actually sorry)! The shit I take in this job is down to the fact that I have a double X chromosome and happen to look the part. 'Gender' is what makes arsehole men assume that I'll put up with it. That I'm not up to the job if I don't look pretty enough while slaying at it. That means I never get to tell arsehole men that they're arsehole men because, if I did, you'd think I was being 'emotional' rather than 'assertive' and you'd question my ability to cope.

Gender is not something I fucking identify with. I fight it to the best of my abilities on your premises every day when I turn up to work. It's limiting and oppressive and I don't want to celebrate it by putting my fucking pronouns on my personnel file. I don't identify as a woman. I am a woman on the grounds that the sperm that fertilised the egg contained an X chromosome. And 'gender' has been making this kind of a shit experience at times.

I'm not even technically a RadFem. I'm all for people being able to express themselves whichever way they bloody want to. Have penis, wear a skirt? More power to you! I realise that you'll probably take crap for that. And I'll honestly try my best to speak up when you do. But it doesn't make you a fucking woman and you don't know what it means to be one on the grounds that you have some feeling or other. Come and talk to me again when YOUR un-bepenised peers get paid more than you for less, poorer quality work at a lower level of seniority.

So, rant over!

Any actually constructive ideas about how to challenge this crap without losing my job welcome.

Yes, I'm seething. Less so about the stupid pronouns setting (though that's insulting) and more so about the friendly lecture in the mass email about what pronouns and gender are all about.

Fuck off, male HR dude ...

OP posts:
Nuffaluff · 28/08/2018 18:21

I have no ideas, but just wanted to say that was a brilliant rant.

sociopathsunited · 28/08/2018 18:21

That was a beautiful rant. I bet you've been biting your bloody tongue all day just waiting to let rip!

redshoeblueshoe · 28/08/2018 18:24

Maybe you could just send an email back

Mine would say
HA
HA
HA wankers

MIdgebabe · 28/08/2018 18:24

Are pronouns truely necessary or is it collecting unnecessary personal information?

heresyandwitchcraft · 28/08/2018 18:26

LOL
YWNBU

HollowTalk · 28/08/2018 18:26

Fantastic. Where on earth are you working though? A guess - a university?

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 28/08/2018 18:26

Good rant.

At mine it would be a female HR. Because that way there's a woman (both actual and identified) on the board. Safe so long as they do something not so important like people stuff.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 28/08/2018 18:27

I would define your own and make it a million characters long so it fucks up all of their formatting when it gets used....

FurryGiraffe · 28/08/2018 18:28

Excellent rant. I'm an academic and some very senior staff at my university have started declaring their pronouns in their email footers. It gives me the rage.

Lancelottie · 28/08/2018 18:29

Is there room in the box to put all that in, though?

I mean, it'd be great if they now legally HAD to type all of that out every time they wanted to say, 'Ask Laura, she'll know.'

mamas12 · 28/08/2018 18:30

That is one of the best, most articulate rant I have ever read.
You could print it off and send it anonymously or you could go have a face to face chat with mr. Oops sorry don't know if I've mis pronounced him
Or you could be really pedantic and ask, in every email or discourse which pronouns people would like to use or could you give them a pronou. For them (haha)
You could change your pronoun every day and then get offended when they get it wrong and report them to hr every time
Hmmm ff said indeed

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 28/08/2018 18:30

I'm an academic and some very senior staff at my university have started declaring their pronouns in their email footers

May I suggest your pronoun should be "Professor"? Wink (pinched from another thread)

ourkidmolly · 28/08/2018 18:32

Love it.

Racecardriver · 28/08/2018 18:34

I would be sorely tempted to make yours 'second class citizen' after the way you have been treated. But it won't do you any good long term. Just take a deep breath and carry on as you have done up until this point.

Branleuse · 28/08/2018 18:39

Ask if you can change your pronouns to he, and be paid and promoted accordingly

geekaMaxima · 28/08/2018 18:39

Brava, OP!
👏👏👏

VickyEadie · 28/08/2018 19:06

Excellent rant.

I've said elsewhere that if I ever find myself in one of these 'what pronouns do you want?' situations I'm going to play broken-record dumb - 'No, sorry, I don't get it. Tell me again. No, I'm not with you - explain it to me once more...etc'

I'm going to make them make twats of themselves.

daughterofanarchy · 28/08/2018 19:08

Wow. That was an amazing rant OP! The kind of thing that I would love to say! I think I may be in love with you!

AveABanana · 28/08/2018 19:08

If you chose male would you get their pay and promotions?

Singlenotsingle · 28/08/2018 19:11

Blimey! I had to read it twice before I even began to understand what you were on about! ShockConfused

ScrimshawTheSecond · 28/08/2018 19:12

Class rant.

AornisHades · 28/08/2018 19:13

Self ID as Dr. for your pronouns.

LadybirdsAreBirds · 28/08/2018 19:15

I think what Branleuse said: "Ask if you can change your pronouns to he, and be paid and promoted accordingly"

ShowOfHands · 28/08/2018 19:25

A very good friend of mine has been a compere at a big, established folk festival for many decades. This year, he was informed that he must avoid gender identifying pronouns when referring to any acts or the audience. No more ladies and gentlemen. FGS don't refer to the Peatbog Faeries as men when introducing them. He was given suggested phrases to use instead. I could weep.

rememberatime · 28/08/2018 19:26

I would definitely ask to be a he and when they ask if you are transitioning, explain that no, you just fancy being treated like a man while at work.