Kink and sworn affadavits

[FermatsTheorem]

This is prompted by the Laura Huteson thread.

For those who haven't read it, Laura was killed by Jason Gaskell. He severed her carotid and jugular (using a knife he kept under his pillow for use, so he says, in "sex games"), then claimed it was a sex game gone wrong. He pleaded guilty to manslaughter and has got six years. This is only one such case recently - in another recent case, a woman was strangled by a man she'd met in the bar that night who claimed to have been engaging in consensual "breath play" gone wrong. (With a man she'd only just met. As my Scottish mother would have said, "Aye, that'll be right...")

Anyway, I've started a separate thread because I have a suggestion of a practical nature, for some activism. It struck me that if I were a younger woman and still dating, I'd be tempted to make out a sworn affadavit, saying that my tastes in sex were very vanilla, and if my dead body were to be found, having been strangled, anally penetrated and/or cut with a knife, and the defendant claimed that it was a sex game gone wrong, then the bastard would be lying because there was no way I would consent to that. Any lawyers out there know if such a document would carry any weight?

Do you think there would be any mileage in trying to persuade young women to make such a statement as a political act? As a way of saying "Men are getting away with murder here. No more. We want them to know that in the event of our death, we will still be able to speak, and let the legal system know 'I did not consent'."

Whenever my 15 year old reads a teen romance or watches a teen film I wonder if she is being betrayed as to the true nature of many of the young men out there.

I think that's a bit unfair. Porn isn't young mens "true nature".

Typing quickly - 'true nature' is not the phrase I would have used.

That doesn't mean they don't know it's bad for them, and I really think most of them know the difference between love and sex, and porn. The research says that many do not know the difference between sex and porn. That is where the harm is for them.

I do know some lovely teenage boys who appear to be in respectful, loving long term relationships who enjoy the companionship and coupledom of having a girlfriend. I can hope that is what DD experiences but it's far from guaranteed that the romantic ideal will be her reality. And in an attempt to protect her I'm torn by how much detail to give her of the way some/many boys and men treat girls/women in bed.

Does this tie in with a bigger issue?

I’m thinking of the “kink shaming” claims raised in relation to J. Bradley, as a defence. Like many others, in my life I’ve encountered a perfectly decent and seemingly normal man who wanted to choke me in bed. And in recent months have through family members encountered the worst kind of male sexual violence. I have no doubt the guy who perpetrated that (now safely boarding at her majesty’s pleasure for a nice long time) would, at least initially, have described himself as having a ‘kink’. I’ve looked on porn hub and seen the grossness there- cream pies, what? Why? It is surely purely about ‘kinks’, not sexuality in any way most of us would understand it.

So, have we been too liberal about ‘kinks’? Do we just need to start kink shaming, even when between consenting adults? Welcoming the kink shaming label? Because it seems clear what starts off between consenting adults spills out into society generally, and then it’s not always consenting, and not always adults.

I remember trans shaming. That turned into transphobia.

Kink sounds so quotidian now that it masks the dangers that do lurk there.