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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Any lesbians feeling a tad battered and deflated?

139 replies

ImmortalityMyDarlings · 09/07/2018 10:08

Or is it just me?

Just read some plonker on Twitter saying that lesbians are just “femininity attracted to femininity”. Makes me sad and angry.

OP posts:
Melanippe · 09/07/2018 15:22

Imagine putting the onus on women to say no, rather than on men to stop their rapey behaviour.

The onus is always on women to change their behaviour. It's part of what makes our society a rape culture, rape is implicitly made women's fault via the various rape myths. Lesbians are being explicitly told that they have to accept dick or it's literal violence and bigotry against trans women, lesbians are being told to validate trans identities, against their sexuality and individual consent.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 09/07/2018 15:27

Time40, you're not taking into account the setting in which this pressure on lesbians is occurring.

In LGBT circles - say university socs - being accused of transphobia - even suspected of it - is social death. You'd be ostracized.

I heard an account on another forum by a young lesbian who'd been sexually assaulted by a transwoman who was in her social circle. When she went to the police she was shunned by all her friends. They saw the TW as the vulnerable one and her as the bigot. What she'd done was unforgivable.

Young lesbians in 'woke' circles are in the position where they can't just refuse sex with a transwoman without hunting round for an 'acceptable' excuse. It really is that bad.

Showergel1 · 09/07/2018 16:49

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jul/09/do-lesbians-have-better-sex-than-straight-women

Good to know I have Alice speaking on my behalf. She definitely has sex like me.

Materialist · 09/07/2018 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChampagneontheNHS · 09/07/2018 16:59

I too have been disgusted (not shocked, sadly) by how the media has portrayed this.
I’m a straight woman and I support lesbian woman. Those women who protested were very brave.
I am shocked that in 2018 someone seriously thinks they can tell someone else who they should/should not be attracted to. That is just breathtaking.

TheBiologicalWoman · 09/07/2018 17:07

I stand with these women. With every bully boy punch the number of women standing up for freedom merely inflates.

What's happening is designed to abuse and shut women down - shame it's not working, misogonyistic dick wads.

Milliepede · 09/07/2018 17:33

Het woman here. Don't want to come across as being "woke", but I fully support my lesbian sisters and will stand side by side with them against the transborg anyday.

Time40 · 09/07/2018 17:37

*Time40, you're not taking into account the setting in which this pressure on lesbians is occurring.

In LGBT circles - say university socs - being accused of transphobia - even suspected of it - is social death. You'd be ostracized.

I heard an account on another forum by a young lesbian who'd been sexually assaulted by a transwoman who was in her social circle. When she went to the police she was shunned by all her friends. They saw the TW as the vulnerable one and her as the bigot. What she'd done was unforgivable.

Young lesbians in 'woke' circles are in the position where they can't just refuse sex with a transwoman without hunting round for an 'acceptable' excuse. It really is that bad*

OK. It sounds as if it's worse than I'd thought. We all need to stand together to defeat this madness. I have to say, though, that if people are in social circles where such crazy ideas are seen as normal, the best thing they could possibly do is challenge those opinions.

smithsinarazz · 09/07/2018 17:40

Don't be, please! This is entirely selfish of me, but I think straight women need you at the moment. Young straight women are quite often rubbish at feminism. We were all too busy trying to ingratiate ourselves with the boys. Whatever they were wearing.

TokenBritPoshOfCourse · 09/07/2018 17:43

On Twitter earlier some bright spark said they could understand if some lesbians didn’t like dick because of last trauma but that to equate penis with male is transphobic.

So there we have it. Lesbians are just traumatised straight women. And probs just need a good dicking to sort them out.

EmpressWeaponisedClitoris · 09/07/2018 17:51

I have to say, though, that if people are in social circles where such crazy ideas are seen as normal, the best thing they could possibly do is challenge those opinions.

I feel incredibly lucky now that when I came out in the 90s, I got to do it in a supportive, welcoming community of women & women's spaces, at a time when it would never have occurred to anyone that lesbians would want anything to do with penis.

When you're very young, just discovering your sexuality & looking for your people, it would be very hard to challenge their opinions.

Takinrujomu · 09/07/2018 18:09

A lot of things piss me off with this whole transphobia agenda but one thing that I can't get my head round is are homosexuals classed as anti trans if they refuse to have sex with trans men? By the nature of a homosexual, they don't have sex with vagina. So unless a trans man has been able to grow a dick, they won't be suitable for a homosexual.
And would straight men be accused of hate crime if they refuse to have sex with a trans woman??? Where will it end?
But again, this is what men do best. Subjugate in whatever manner they can.

Destinysdaughter · 09/07/2018 18:13

I particularly liked this, from the thread Materialist posted ( which looks like some gay men are starting to 'get it')

Any lesbians feeling a tad battered and deflated?
TellsEveryoneRealFacts · 09/07/2018 18:14

OK. It sounds as if it's worse than I'd thought. We all need to stand together to defeat this madness. I have to say, though, that if people are in social circles where such crazy ideas are seen as normal, the best thing they could possibly do is challenge those opinions.

Pretty hard when your life and career is held around your social circle, for example in uni or college. Pretty hard when you are in a job, and the people that have these opinions will report you to your boss for them.

In all these cases, the people who are getting 'reported' are women.

Just another fucking nightmare women have to deal with in the world of work.

Nobody doxxed any of the men saying they had no intention of sleeping with trans women, nobody even questioned the responses.

But do it as a woman and they try and reign seven shades of shit on you.

Which is why yesterday's act was so strong.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 09/07/2018 18:16

I have to say, though, that if people are in social circles where such crazy ideas are seen as normal, the best thing they could possibly do is challenge those opinions.

Theoretically you're right, Time40. Trouble is that if you're a young lesbian who naturally hangs out with other lesbians, you're a focus for sexually attracted transwomen who will insist on joining any groups or social events.

Sexual orientation is pretty stable. If you were a heterosexual man pre transition you're likely to identify as a lesbian post transition. You're attracted to women but that doesn't mean that lesbians will have any interest in you. But a lot of transition is sexually motivated. TW are male, and far too often display male sexual entitlement.

Then there's the issue of validation. For many TW a sexual relationship with a lesbian is absolute proof of their womanhood.

It's an impossible situation, frankly. The only way to avoid the inevitable conflict between the two groups would be if transwomen accepted that, post transition, their pool of potential partners is going to be inevitably very small. Transsexuals seem much more willing to acknowledge this truth. The much larger group of fetishists that now sit under the trans umbrella are a different matter entirely.

HashtagLurky · 09/07/2018 18:19

Don't be down! Straight-ish woman here with nothing but love and respect for my lesbian sisters. So proud of the women on Saturday. I am hopeful the tide is changing. The more those appalling people vent on Twitter about "dating preferences being transphobic", the more they peak bystanders. Courage!

Writersblock2 · 09/07/2018 18:34

I’m bisexual and this has me so so so angry like nothing else has so far (which is saying something in this game!). We must rise up and support those incredibly brave women. We must keep organising, supporting, speaking.

We are being silenced on a scale not seen for a long time. We must not go quietly.

thebewilderness · 09/07/2018 21:56

I like it when misogynists and homophobic asshats stand up and show themselves. 8 Lesbians standing against misogyny and homophobia at Pride just like in the old days before the LGBT became a commercial enterprise.

HolidayNoWay · 09/07/2018 22:05

I'm a lesbian and support trans women.

If I gound out a woman I like shad a penis I wouldnt Perdue a relationship with her of I was so inclined.

What's the issue?

Live and let live

We are all in the minority together
We should be supportive.

HolidayNoWay · 09/07/2018 22:07

I know lots of trans women and non of them think lesbians should sleep with them if they don't want to Confused

Just because a few loud idiots say stuff doesn't mean it's the opinion of the whole trans community.

It's like saying Nigel Farage speaks for all white males.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 09/07/2018 22:08

Holiday, you presumably didn't notice that your second paragraph doesn't make sense.

UpstartCrow · 09/07/2018 22:11

You haven't seen it happen yourself, but you know for a fact its just a few loud idiots? Oh well thats ok then Confused

HolidayNoWay · 09/07/2018 22:15

I have dyslexia

Materialist · 09/07/2018 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HolidayNoWay · 09/07/2018 22:18

I'm saying if s load of vocal people on the internet are taking rubbish they aren't always the best people to listen yo to get an idea of what a community feels

Talk to real trans people snd i doubt youll find many who feel that way. Non of my friend do.

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