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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

your favorite female space

52 replies

LadyJaneGreyspen · 01/07/2018 23:21

I live in japan. i would say has its own issues about many things but, what i do love about it is the female only spaces.
onsen.
You get butt naked and sit in very big often very beautiful baths the size of swimming pools and chat to your friends.
The sauna is naked too. you can take a towel if you want though!
There is no way a penis owner would be allowed anywhere near these spaces unless they are under 5.

OP posts:
MrsFionaCharming · 02/07/2018 17:59

When I was a student I did Camp America and was placed on an all girls camp. Similar to what another poster said, lots of people asked me if it was awful and bitchy. It wasn’t, it was the most wonderful, supportive environment I’ve ever experienced. I spent 4 summers there, each one 2 months where the only men I ever saw were the Dad’s dropping their daughters off at the start of a session.

More recently, I went to the Hampstead Women’s pond this weekend. It was amazing! I love that women of all ages/shapes/sizes are comfortable going topless. At one point a man tried to climb over the fence, the lifeguard blew her whistle and shouted at him, causing everyone to turn and boo him. He kept climbing until another lifeguard on a paddle board paddles towards him looking threatening and he ran away. Everyone cheered for her. It was a real “all in this together” moment.

GlomOfNit · 02/07/2018 19:35

the infant feeding place that I work in as a volunteer. We welcome everyone but it does tend to me mums and breastfeeding ones - we get the occasional father and I do feel the vibe changes a tiny bit when that happens, but it doesn't bother me. But it's an overwhelmingly female place - there are boobs out all over the place, newborn babies in arms, women leaking in various ways because they've just given birth. And everyone experiences some co-feeling in there. Regardless of how they're feeding their babies, they have all just jumped into the Shit I'm a Mum pool and it's great.

GlomOfNit · 02/07/2018 19:36

BE mums, not me mums

Waddlelikeapenguin · 02/07/2018 19:54

pachyderm yes! I have ma y negatives about school but i never learnt that i was less than a man!

Recently i was at a home ed meet up & the kids all ran off for adventures so it was me & 5 other women sitting in the sun talking about periods, relationships & the menopause. It was brilliant.

Original poster
LadyJaneGreyspen · 03/07/2018 10:32

when i was younger i didn t seek female spaces but now I tend to find them more relaxing... I enjoy the company of men but it is different.

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AngryAttackKittens · 03/07/2018 10:37

I went to an all girls school for secondary and it was wonderful. Road trips, book groups, shared offices - all best when they're all women. I grew up with my mum both hosting and going to coffee mornings that turned into lunches that turned into hanging out until the men got home from work, and honestly, I was always sad when the men got home and we had to go back to being in mixed spaces.

Women and girls are wonderful, and we thrive in each others company.

(Bestie wants to take me to an onsen and I'm being very British and shy about nudity about the whole thing, but some day I will do it! If it was mixed, not a chance.)

busyboysmum · 03/07/2018 10:40

I loved my all girls school and am still in touch with lots of the girls I went to school with.

AngryAttackKittens · 03/07/2018 10:45

If I had a daughter I'd send her to an all girls school, it really is the best for helping girls maintain their voice and their sense of themselves as actual people who deserve to be taken seriously.

busyboysmum · 03/07/2018 10:49

Yes I would but as I have boys I have sent them to a mixed school as I think girls are a civilising influence on them.

kinseymilhone · 03/07/2018 11:28

All girls secondary school. Although it's only looking back that I realise what a special time and place it was (I probably would have said I wanted to be at a co-ed school if you'd asked me back then!). No one was really bitchy in my year - there were groups of friends but not the exclusive cliques that my DDs have to navigate now at their mixed secondary. Everyone looked out for each other. No one wore make up or gave two figs about what they looked like (no one to impress). And oh my god we had a laugh! I can remember literally crying with pain from laughing so much, just silly jokes or whatever, but we had no need to sensor or check our emotions for fear of not looking "cool". We were just able to be ourselves. How utterly liberating!

Sadly the last remaining local girls-only School has just announced they will be accepting boys in Y7 from next September. It's a real shame that there are no longer any girls-only schools options left in our area.

DD1's school was all-girls when she started in Y2 but after 5 years they began accepting boys. The whole atmosphere changed very quickly. I'm sure the school probably did what it needed to do to survive in the modern financial climate and it now appears to be thriving numbers-wise. But the school we loved is gone forever and the ethos/atmosphere very different than when it was all-girls.

A PP mentioned the Sanctuary Spa in Covent Garden. I loved that place!! Such an oasis of safety and calm right in the middle of bustling, busy London. It was gorgeous, with the carp ponds and the swing above the pool. I would love to find somewhere like that again.

kinseymilhone · 03/07/2018 11:29

*censor not sensor Blush

Grassisgreeener · 03/07/2018 12:37

My favourite female space was the Sanctuary Spa in Convent Garden. I went there for years since I was 18, all female staff and absolutely no men allowed. My friends would book a day of annual leave and spend the whole day swimming, relaxing, eating and talking. Such a wonderful safe space that I sorely miss.

I've struggled to find an all female space for swimming in London that isn't restricted to an hour or includes children during the women only time.

pachyderm · 03/07/2018 13:13

It's interesting, the love for girls' schools in the thread. Most schools in Ireland are single sex as a legacy of the Catholic church, and there's a lot of negative stuff around their influence on education, and a lot of much needed change is underway. I wouldn't like to see some blind push towards co-ed though, in the name of progressiveness. The atmosphere in my all-girls school was really special, and that even includes a couple of slightly mad but dedicated nuns!

dinosaursandtea · 03/07/2018 13:33

My favourite female space is one where all women, regardless of the gender they were assigned at birth, are welcome.

busyboysmum · 03/07/2018 13:35

@kinseymilhone that sounds exactly like my all girls school.

There was no bullying, we were allowed to dress (within uniform) pretty much as we liked and could do as no boys to worry about.

I loved it, and the girls I met there are friends for life.

AngryAttackKittens · 03/07/2018 13:35

I wonder if I'd feel differently about my former school if it had been religious, or if the female solidarity outweighs even that.

AngryAttackKittens · 03/07/2018 13:39

Also ime it tended to extent out generationally too, for example a few years after I left the school I met the mum of a girl from my year who I hadn't been particularly close to randomly in a bookshop and we ended up having a cup of tea and catching up, and she even offered me a place to stay if I was ever in the city where she lived (she was on holiday where I lived and already booked into a hotel). My mum also served as a sort of aunt for my school friends. It was like it created a web of women that stretched out far beyond just the students themselves, and many years later if I met most of them I'd still be glad to see them.

SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy · 03/07/2018 14:04

My yoga class. It's such a warm, humorous and nurturing environment and the lady who teaches is very specific in what poses / flows are helpful to women and different parts of their anatomy.
I do other (mixed) classes too and they're great in their own way but the shared experiences of everyone in the women's class makes it really supportive and you never feel self conscious.

pachyderm · 03/07/2018 15:52

@angryattackkittens it wasn't too religious by then, the nuns and their influence were dying out and they were outnumbered by lay teachers. Interesting question though. In earlier times, joining the nuns was one of the only way a woman could have a career, education, and some power and influence in the community, so it often attracted very formidable types. I have no time for the Church as an institution but some of the nuns who taught me were remarkable women, and part of the aura they had was that they didn't have to bother with men at all. It was interesting being around that influence, from a feminist point of view.

Melamin · 03/07/2018 16:01

I appreciate that the breast screening van is all female, but it is far from my favourite space.

SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy · 03/07/2018 17:52

Dinosaurs - babies do not have 'gender assigned at birth' They have their biological sex observed and recorded by trained medical professionals. 'Women' are adult, human, females.
HTH

invisibleoldwoman · 03/07/2018 18:26

More recently, I went to the Hampstead Women’s pond this weekend. It was amazing! I love that women of all ages/shapes/sizes are comfortable going topless. At one point a man tried to climb over the fence, the lifeguard blew her whistle and shouted at him, causing everyone to turn and boo him. He kept climbing until another lifeguard on a paddle board paddles towards him looking threatening and he ran away. Everyone cheered for her. It was a real “all in this together” moment.

tangent - this is really good to hear as it was Hampstead Women's Pond who changed their rules to include transwomen and #ManFriday visited the men's pond and got evicted. Maybe the Women's Pond powers that be have had a rethink.

pallisers · 03/07/2018 18:38

I am a member of a female only gym and I love it. The gym itself is so inclusive and supportive - women of all ages and levels of fitness and there is no showing off, just support and admiration. I also love the changing room/hottub etc where women wander around unselfconsciously, changing etc. The absence of the male gaze and male performance is very soothing.

Original poster
LadyJaneGreyspen · 04/07/2018 23:15

The dynamic shifts when there is the male gaze doesn’t it? I do like mix groups as well. I have a core group of woman I have known for over 15 years and when we do get a chance to meet up the conversation flows from getting old to books to feminist chat to new shoes to meditation. Serious and silly.

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Processedpea · 04/07/2018 23:17

My workplace which is 95 percent female