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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

AIBU to think this is not okay?

73 replies

Footballmumofthefuture · 18/06/2018 18:13

Just been tag teamed by two posters in relationships on a post about teenage porn.
The post was about a woman who found her partner wanking to teenage porn.
I posted how it was gross and I don't agree with it. But got quite attacked over my opinion and how I can't control what my partner wanks to.

What are your opinions of this.
Their arguement is these girls are of consenting age (18).
My arguement is these 18 year olds certainly don't understand the extent of the industry they have involved themselves in, let alone want to be there.

What are your opinions?

OP posts:

heresyandwitchcraft · 18/06/2018 19:28

You're not being unreasonable. It's not a nice industry, especially to young women. I find the proliferation of porn to be contributing to the objectification of women, as if they are merely something to be "consumed" for sexual pleasure. Also the documentary Hot Girls Wanted about young women going into amateur porn really disturbed me.

AnduinsGirl · 18/06/2018 19:48

YANBU. And this relaxed, anything goes attitude towards porn drives me insane. Anyone unsure - go to a "bogstandard" porn link site - redtube, etc. Take a look at some of the video titles and the text on the flashing ads and then come back and say porn is liberating and empowering. Because it really, really fucking isn't.

SlothSlothSloth · 18/06/2018 20:10

YANBU at all and I’m on my way over to the thread you mention to witness this horror unfolding in full.

SardineReturns · 18/06/2018 20:18

"teen porn" may show young women who are (just) 18 but they are chosen because they look younger.

i know a girl who used to work in this sort of thing (not films though) and she looked way way younger than she was - her face and her body.

so it' a definite no from me.

all of it is a definite no from me in fact. theoretical conversations about whether it would be ok in an equal society (with adults) are pointless as we do not live in an equal society.

actually i was thinking about this last night - is it toxic masculinity that enjoys sexual subjugation / humiliation of others (usually women and girls) or is this a common thing in men just anyway? any views?

i find it so disturbing the levels of violence, racism and misognyny that are considered totally normal standard male sex preferences

Original poster

Footballmumofthefuture · 18/06/2018 20:18

The thread is Am I over reacting

OP posts:

SlothSlothSloth · 18/06/2018 20:21

Just read it - madness. It’s especially frustrating because I used to be one of these cool girls who luuuurves porn so I know exactly what’s going on here, and I know how they’re lying to themselves when they pretend it’s nothing to do with pleasing men.

RatRolyPoly · 18/06/2018 20:34

Even people who are porn-accepting would be well within their rights to object to this from a partner. If it is against your values and moral code that the women either are or appear to be teenagers, you absolutely do not have to be okay with that difference in moral outlook between you and your partner, not even if you're the coolest of cool wives out there.

I for one would find it deeply nauseating and could not be with a grown man who thought this was okay.

SlothSlothSloth · 18/06/2018 20:37

Even people who are porn-accepting would be well within their rights to object to this from a partner.

Exactly! It’s the level of outrage and judgement at the idea that someone might have any boundaries at all about this that’s so disturbing. All this “well you can’t stop him watching it” stuff. No but you can seek a partner who doesn’t.

Kyanite · 18/06/2018 20:56

I think you can blame the number of programmes on TV telling girls that they can make easy money and lots of it by doing porn. I don't believe the employment stats and whatever is out there, is low paid. Some sites will be better than others on ensuring they are 18.

LassWiADelicateAir · 18/06/2018 22:03

Their argument is these girls are of consenting age (18)
My argument is these 18 year olds certainly don't understand the extent of the industry they have involved themselves in, let alone want to be there.

I don't think an 18 year old is a child. I don't particularly like your counter- argument as it then opens up the conclusion that it is their youth which makes pornography problematic rather than being problematic in itself.

Writersblock2 · 18/06/2018 23:05

I don’t accept porn. Being anti-porn and anti-prostitution was my “way in” to finding radical feminism a few years back. Why any woman would accept her husband watching the systematic degradation and abuse of other women is beyond me. As for the lib-fem view of it being “empowering” and the whole chooses-choice thing? Grrrrr!!!

Original poster

Footballmumofthefuture · 19/06/2018 07:45

Totally agree with you both!

OP posts:

AngryAttackKittens · 19/06/2018 07:53

It's true that you can't control what someone else wanks too. You can control whether or not you stay with them, though.

Women should not be going after other women for saying that they have a problem with adult men wanking to teenagers. I sure hope those cool girl points they were trying to earn were worth what they've willingly given up in terms of solidarity with other women.

BertrandRussell · 19/06/2018 07:54

Yes-it's the acceptance that a man's right to wank trumps all other rights that is so very depressing.

SardineReturns · 20/06/2018 17:47

When exactly did it become a mainstream idea that men are incapable of knocking one out without watching porn films?

Original poster

Footballmumofthefuture · 20/06/2018 18:02

When women decided to lower their standards!

OP posts:

Kettlepotblackagain · 20/06/2018 18:28

So women are to blame for men's inability to stop wanking then... 😏

BertrandRussell · 20/06/2018 18:36

"When women decided to lower their standards!"

No-when some women realised that higher standards were an option.

Halebeke425 · 20/06/2018 18:38

I agree that it's not ok, my main issue with it being that while the people in it may be over 18, it's meant to look like they are younger. So it's basically borderline the age of consent and that's what they're getting off too. Just doesn't seem right to me.

And then obviously you have the whole 'are they actually 18' thing as well which would just make me very uncomfortable. If I caught my partner wanking to that I would be really quite upset and I'd be questioning the future for us. Just seems seedy as fuck, I'd see them differently after this.

I'm not a big fan of porn but wouldn't be as upset if it was normal adults not made to appear very young.

fmsfms · 20/06/2018 18:39

Should 18 year olds be allowed to vote?

Should 18 year olds be allowed to drink alcohol? Smoke? Gamble? Drive?

Why is a 16 year old able to consent to sexual intercourse but not to appearing in pornography?

fmsfms · 20/06/2018 18:40

"Why is a 16 year old able to consent to sexual intercourse but not to appearing in pornography?"

Phrased that very badly before anyone pulls me up on it!

I meant "but an 18 year old cant consent to appearing in porn"

BertrandRussell · 20/06/2018 18:43

Of course an 18 year old can consent to appear in porn. Only a sleaze bag would watch it, though.

fmsfms · 20/06/2018 18:52

What if the person watching it is also 18?

BiologyIsReal · 20/06/2018 19:02

They're 18 year old sleaze bags then.

Original poster

Footballmumofthefuture · 20/06/2018 19:04

So women are to blame for men's inability to stop wanking then... 😏

Nope not at all. I'm talking about the women on that thread in particular who told me I should get a grip!

OP posts:

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