Would you have transitioned if you were a child today?

[isabeltydoria]

This question was asked on another forum, but I wanted to copy my answer here too and ask it here too (I hope that's okay?)

Would you have transitioned if you were a child today?

Just a yes or no would be interesting if you don't feel like commenting further; I'll put my (long!) reply into a comment.

For me, I would have, definitely. I was a total tomboy when I was young; I then spent two years pretending to be a boy. I had shaved hair, football shirts, a boys name. My parents indulged it, obviously. I was proud of being better than all the other silly girls. Deep down (and not so deep down) I hated girls and myself for being one.

Then slowly, slowly I grew up. These days I'm fine being a woman, it's just a biological body, it's not an identity and it's the thing that I live in; but back then the changes were awful and I because I hated femininity and saw it as inferior I wanted out.

Oh and I found out I'm autistic. Which probably explains a lot!

Basically it was internalised misogyny when I was young. If school had offered me pills and surgery and special care and to make everyone else use my new name, I would have been desperate for it.

I have no idea where my life would have led but I don't think happily married to the man I almost consider to be a soulmate, in the home and life we both love.

Also, we tried for several years to have kids and couldn't, but if you'd told me as a teen that infertility was awful I'd have just glibly talked about adoption, I had no idea what it really felt like.

I feel awful for young autistic girls who just literally need to grow up, and might be ending any chance of being biological parents by taking blockers.

Yes, I hated being a girl, and my parents would have jumped at the chance to turn me into the boy they wanted.

It took me decades to realise I didn't hate being a girl, I hated the way I was treated because I was a girl.

Not me but one or two of my friends might have.

I was adamant I wanted to be a boy between the ages of about 7 and 10. Short hair, boys clothes. But that was because as far as I could see, boys got to have a lot more fun and were offered many more interesting opportunities than girls. Now very happily married with 3 kids.

I don’t think anyone can answer to be honest. They seriously can’t know. It just seems like another thread to express outrage at trans children and how they ‘would have just been tomboys in our day’. Trans kids are very different and unless your were one or patented one, it’s of course easy to think you know better.

As a teenager I was pretty gender-nonconforming and got bullied mercilessly at school for being not feminine enough in appearance or interests. Wouldn’t wear skirts or dresses, wouldn’t wear makeup, wasn’t interested in boys, felt deeply like I wasn’t what a girl was supposed to be. I was definitely “not like the other girls” as far as I was concerned.

I would have absolutely worn breast binders and called myself non-binary had that been an option. I hated my body going through puberty, I used to fantasise about pretty graphic self-harm to make it stop changing. I wouldn’t wear a bra for ages (because it meant acknowledging I had breasts) and then cried endlessly when my mother suggested I do. I wouldn’t even look in a full-length mirror for years, I was that repulsed by my body. Growing into an adult woman’s body felt like a life sentence.

I am much happier now as an adult. I’m glad I wasn’t growing up in the age of YouTube-induced ROGD.

No, and I was very much a tomboy. Very different from being trans.

Trans kids are very different

Okay: how? Genuine question.

I have done a lot of shutting up and listening to the experiences of parents if trans children back when I was trying very hard to go along with this. I was sure if I just listened enough, I’d clearly see how this was different. “Consistent, persistent, insistent” “it’s not just about toys and dresses!”, all of that. I never did.

I reckon my mum could have. She started puberty early and disguised her chest with baggy clothes and was always pleased when mistaken for a boy.

No. I knew I liked girls and I was envious of boys because the girls liked them but I knew this made me a lesbian and not transgender.

No hideandgo it's not meant like that. I see what you mean about not knowing for sure, but I'm seeing my childhood play out in the stories I read. I was desperate to be a boy. I lived as one. No criticism or cruelty from me, sheer empathy because as an autistic girl, puberty was awful.

A lot of trans-identifying-children (is there an appropriate group term?) seem to be on the spectrum. So for me it's like watching a slow train wreck and not knowing how to stop it.

Yes quite possibly. Or the non binary thing whatever that means.

An interesting thing I have noticed is the most vociferous opponents to gay equality often come from devout Christians who admitted having homosexual tendencies in their youth.

I’ve also noticed women who could possibly have transitioned in their youth are now the strongest opponents to the trans ideology.

Perhaps it’s a feeling of relief at having escaped something terrible mixed with a slight twinge of envy at what could have been.

Hmm. Having known women who've had mastectomies, I can't say I have much 'envy' for 'what could have been' had I been allowed to cut off my own breasts.

My (gay) sister - absolutely (not 100% sure if my parents would have gone on but who knows?). Possible my as I was a copycat with my big sister.

Both of us are happy to be female but with all the hooha and craziness. Kids don't really 'get' forever do they?

No I wouldn't have transitioned. I found lots of aspects of being young & female difficult, such as adult men perving, also wanted the 'freer' lifestyle I saw for boys. But did I want to be one? Never.

I don't think so. I detested being called a tomboy. But I'd have been even lonelier as a non conforming girl. There was a period when I would only wear jeans and pastel coloured checked shirts. Pastel fitting the stereotypes enough to tick the girl box, which saved hassle as a pre-teen, jeans and shirts because that's what I felt comfortable in. When I was a teenager most people dressed pretty gender neutral anyway.

I hated the idea of puberty (and hated puberty come to that, does anyone not?). But would have hated the idea of doing stuff to my body more, so no don't think I would have transed.

But my parents were very anti stereotype, who knows what pressures I might have felt if growing up in different circumstances.

Come to think of it, daim - most people I know who spoke out the loudest about Section 28 were themselves adult gay men and lesbians. Would it be fair to suggest that they did this because they had a twinge of envy for what could have been had they been successfully pressured into 'normal' heterosexual relationships in their youth? Sounds unlikely to me.

I don't think I would have done, because my parents allowed me to be myself and were supportive. They weren't concerned about conforming to gender norms as neither of them did, particularly my mum.

But, I think I would have been attracted to the idea though. I hated being a girl, I did "boys" activities and wore "boys" clothes. I wanted to be a footballer and my heroes were male footballers. I was rubbish at interacting with most other girls and sought out male friendship groups. I was very good at academic subjects that are stereotypically male.

I found puberty to be deeply distressing. I hated getting hips and I particularly hated getting breasts. I was resistant to wearing a bra for a long time, I wouldn't wear skirts or a blouse at school. I found periods to be awful, which was alleviated by discovering tampons which made it less distressing for me. Even though I knew I was female, I had harboured some hope that I might grow up to be a boy/man when I was a younger child. Puberty put a crashing halt to that immature fantasy.

As I got older, that did all ease, and by the age of about 20 I'd realised and accepted I was a gender non-conforming bisexual woman.

100%. I used to cry at night because I wasn’t a boy, fantasise about having a penis, I had v short hair from the age of about 8 and wore boys clothes as much as possible, absolutely hated school uniform and compromised with a skort in middle school.

I had a late puberty and didn’t start periods or develop breasts until I was 15, and by that time this was a cause of huge shame because by then I’d accepted I had to be a girl and felt completely defective as one.

By the time I was 20 or so I was content to be a not particularly feminine woman, and after having my eldest at 22 I embraced my womanhood much more.

If the option to ‘become’ a boy had been in the table I’d have been straight in there.

Yes as far as hormones but not needles or surgery because I was terrified of them.
I definitely thought I was really a boy though.

I was also desperate to be a boy and was often mistaken for one. It probably would have been suggested to me if I had been growing up then.
I really don't think that even at the age of 9-10 I would have believed I could have changed sex, but adults repeatedly telling me that I could might have changed my mind.

I’d have definitely have been vulnerable to the ideology.

Interesting thought daim.

53rd makes a good point in it being unlikely.

I've can't personally say that I've ever felt a "twinge of regret" but I'd be interested in hearing if others feel that way. (Maybe if they did, they wouldn't be posting here as gender critical though?)

I am so, so glad I never have to go through childhood again though. I doubt that's just autistic people but really, the changes were hell.

No. I was a tomboy, played football, always the goalie because I was too good at tackling.

I also climbed trees, played cricket - I was great at this many sixes, often turned into fours, but I was often put 'out' because I wasn't giving my brothers the time they needed at the wicket - beach cricket. I was never allowed to bowl after three straight wickets in a row.

But I always knew I'd be a mother one day. So I loved my biology and my sex. I also discovered the joy of orgasms (multiple) from an early age; by masturbation I hasten to add.

I have three children.