WIBU - man telling me not to leave my bag open

[Redgreencoverplant]

Was in Greggs with DS in buggy with changing bag slung over handles. Changing bag was open. Was also with DBro and his partner both of whom are adults. Was ordering so wasn't looking at bag when man behind me interrupted to mid order to tell me I shouldn't leave my bag open in public. I responded saying it was fine but he kept saying it so I very firmly told him that it was ok and turned back to ordering.

I'm worried I was unreasonable but I am a grown woman who had two adults watching the buggy and bag and had decided to take this risk. I am more than capable of assessing risk. Anyway WIBU to firmly tell him I was ok with it being open?

He was being helpful, repeatedly whether you liked it or not, as men do.
Male dominance displays are everywhere.

Yes, I agree. Very much doubt if he'd ever interrupt another man in the same type of situation.

And this is why we now have a ,couldn’t-give-a-flying-fuck-about-anyone-else’ society - he noticed, he warned you, you gave him a ‘thanks/fuck off’ in that voice we have (I’ve told many people about open bags and you get a rude reaction because you’ve pointed out they’re being an idiot’ so he carries on. Weirdly he could not mind read and didn’t know you ‘had 2 adults you trusted’ watching the bag. For all he knew they were strangers eyeing it up to steal!!

You turned crime prevention into female oppression, I give up!,,,

And this is why we now have a ,couldn’t-give-a-flying-fuck-about-anyone-else’ society - he noticed, he warned you, you gave him a ‘thanks/fuck off’ in that voice we have (I’ve told many people about open bags and you get a rude reaction because you’ve pointed out they’re being an idiot’ so he carries on
I agree.
How much was I was polite probably a on the surface polite but with quite a strong hint of 'why the hell are you getting involved'?
Sounds like he was trying to be helpful.

I've also helped people out & picked up children's toys that have falled out and walked down the street after them to return it and been looked at like muck and been given an arsey 'thanks' with a foul look as if somehow it's my fault for trying to be helpful. The world is odd at times.

*fallen out

He was trying to be helpful but he went about it the wrong way by saying that you shouldn't leave your bag open...he was telling you what to do.

When I see something like this, I nicely point it out "excuse me, your bag is open"...that is better than "you shouldn't leave your bag open".

I am always telling my friend off for this. (Having a bag open that is). However, she never gets anything nicked (mainly because she relies on others to 'look after her'. (She is able bodied, but if anything was nicked she would blame the person with her for not being more observant!!!)).

Mind you, decades ago on the way to work, a bloke informed me that I had a run in my tights. For some reason I did not appreciate him telling me (I was stroppy back then). He explained he thought I might be on my way to an interview. Fair enough, I guess. When I spoke of it to my friend (the friend above) she said she would have thanked the man (she would have relished the attention more likely!!). Nowadays I am not so stroppy and would have said thanks I think

I guess what I am saying it felt like a you are a stupid woman and I am wise man way of telling me.

I'd think you were daft if I saw it, don't know if I'd mention it though - as long as easy targets like you are around I'm less likely to have anything of mine nicked.....

It's the persistence. If I see that someone's bag is open and think they don't know, I'll mention it to be helpful.

But if I tell someone their bag is open and they say, "Yeah I know, it's fine" then I'll accept that it's their decision and none of my business. I won't keep on about it - it's not my bag.

There's a difference between trying to be helpful and refusing to back off when someone doesn't want your 'help'. The latter can be quite intimidating. And, in my experience anyway, much more common in men.

I agree with the OP at the beginning. He was being patronising. He only needed to tell her once to be helpful. He wouldn't have badgered a man about it. And he probably continued because he was annoyed at not being listened to or didn't respect the fact that OP though she had it hand.

But this may be an older generation thing. I have been aggressively told off for not minding my stuff by an older lady. It didn't sound helpful and she was certainly pissed off when I politely declined to take her "advice".

Some people are busybodies, some men are patronising sods and others of us trust our own judgement. I don't see any problem with being politely assertive enough to decline such advice, if done with good manners.

You were being arsey for no reason