WIBU - man telling me not to leave my bag open

[Redgreencoverplant]

Was in Greggs with DS in buggy with changing bag slung over handles. Changing bag was open. Was also with DBro and his partner both of whom are adults. Was ordering so wasn't looking at bag when man behind me interrupted to mid order to tell me I shouldn't leave my bag open in public. I responded saying it was fine but he kept saying it so I very firmly told him that it was ok and turned back to ordering.

I'm worried I was unreasonable but I am a grown woman who had two adults watching the buggy and bag and had decided to take this risk. I am more than capable of assessing risk. Anyway WIBU to firmly tell him I was ok with it being open?

I find that it was when people jump off the train that the bags would be open. Im happy if someone points it out (and if my blouse is unbuttoned at the back!)

I agree Fekko. I have had lots of people give me helpful comments and reminders before. This one just seemed so different but I accept that that might be because I was flustered due to being interrupted mid order.

Maybe he saw two adults standing near your bag looking suspicious

I don’t think yabu, because you responded politely, and he persisted - adults are allowed to make their own choices, wise or unwise, you knew what was in your bag and that it was safe as others were watching. He wrongly assumed he was correct and that you were foolish - which may have had an element of sexist bias to it or not.

I think understand where you are coming from.

It's not just that he told you that your bag was open.

It's that he interrupted you while you were in the middle of ordering AND holding your purse AND kept on telling you after you had said it's OK.

He was being helpful, and frankly, he was right.

Exactly who it was the way it was done. I responded politely first but for some reason he wouldn't accept that. It came across to me as a man not considering me to be capable of making my own decision but I accept that I am probably reading more into it than I should. As I had my purse any thief would have ended up with some nappies, wipes and a wet pair of shorts as my phone and keys were in the pocket of the buggy itself

He had good intent. Maybe his DP got stung this way.

The interrupting and repetition has me wondering if he was autistic.
You can be rude and autistic or creepy and autistic obviously.
But he was unaware of social conventions or at least not observing them.

I know what you mean op

There's telling someome their bag is open out of kindness . Then there's the desperate need to be important and invasive by going on about it and actively telling you what you should or shouldn't be doing. There was no need for him to keep on.

I get annoyed with people doing similar

"You shouldn't have girls working on their own in the shop at this time of night it's not right"

First up don't tell me I shouldn't be at work that's my choice not yours.

And secondly if you lot didn't sodding come on at this time of night we'd not be open this late for very long would we

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. He persisted in telling you you shouldn’t keep your bag open even after you acknowledged his statement.

Was ordering so wasn't looking at bag when man behind me interrupted to mid order to tell me I shouldn't leave my bag open in public. I responded saying it was fine but he kept saying it so I very firmly told him that it was ok and turned back to ordering.

I would have told him to mind his own beeswax. This wasn’t someone pointing out something he thought you might not be aware of out of politeness - if it was, he would have dropped it after you said “it’s fine” the first time.

I think ywnbu to be short with him because:

He interrupted you mid conversation with someone else.

He persisted when you had acknowledged you had heard him. It is none of his business how you react to what he said.

Maybe it was meant with good intent but from your description he did come across as patronizing and like he was telling you what to do.

He interrupted you mid conversation with someone else.

This is at best rude, at worst patronising and self-important - I mean, how long do we spend trying to train our children not to do this - to wait politely unless it's an emergency, and to not go on and on once they've been acknowledged while you finish what you're doing.

He persisted when you had acknowledged you had heard him. It is none of his business how you react to what he said

This is exactly it. Again, if my kids did that they would be told that they are not getting whatever it is they're pestering me for if they can't be polite, and if they keep arguing, then they won't get it at all.

The reason I would suspect it was a feminist issue is I've had 'helpful' suggestions fairly often when out and about, persistent sometimes, and it's not something that DP's had (because he finds it amusing, and has noted that when he steps up next to me the persistence magically evaporates)

It doesn't sound like he was just giving helpful advice. If I want to point out something similar, I try to choose an opportune moment and use a friendly tone. I don't think it's all that unreasonable to feel like he was being a bit over zealous. I do wonder whether he'd use exactly the same tone and be quite as insistent to a man. Well never know but I get your point OP.

The world has gone mad!
Greggs though .

Yes it is interesting egg that DH wears a backpack and sometimes zips aren't done all the way up and I notice if I fall a couple of steps behind him and do it up. Noone has ever said anything to DH about it though.

He wasn't BU warning you.
You weren't BU making a choice to ignore his advice, it's up to you.
He was being a little BU persisting, probably because he thought you should take his advice.
You were being a little BU firmly telling him it was ok, because he was only trying to help.

Hardly a major drama though...

Noone has ever said anything to DH about it though.

Maybe not to your DH, but it does happen.
I've told men their rucksacks are open myself.

I point out to people if their bag is open but I try and do it nicely rather than sound as if I'm telling them what to do or telling them off.

I've often told people to watch out when I've seen valuables invitingly on show in open bags. Agree that this isn't a feminist issue at all.

I don't think YABU.

I had a guy do this to me once. I had left a bag - an old one containing nappies and half a pack of wipes one one side of a playground.

He brought it over to me really aggressively going, 'You shouldn't've left that there. I could have had that I could.' I was like 'oh right. Well don't eh?'

It was really weird. Like a sketch show or something. And he was definitely doing it because I was a woman who needed managing - which I'm not.

If you react to this as a ‘feminist Issue’ then what energy do you have left for the real stuff?

Handmaidens my arse.

If you react to this as a ‘feminist Issue’ then what energy do you have left for the real stuff?

Well I'm not exactly matching on Parliament about it. I just made a comment on a website. I've done that for far less tbh.

He was being helpful, repeatedly whether you liked it or not, as men do.
Male dominance displays are everywhere.