General anger and resentment towards men

[BornAgainFem]

Over the last few years I have learnt alot on here (you're all fab by the way!), and have reflected a lot on my past and previous relationships with men (friends, family and romantic relationships).
I have developed a real underlying anger and seeping resentment towards men in general. I feel bad about this but can't help see how the patriarchy has moulded alot of the men in my lives. Even those who would claim they're feminists have an underlying tone of misogyny, I even see it in DH.
Has anyone else gone through this and how have you overcome the bitterness? It's eating me up.

"Just remember nearly all men would have been raised by a women, we are not doing a very good job"

Women do not raise their son's to be rapists, wife beaters and murderers. We are not responsible for men!

To the OP, please consider what I've written.

The absolute arrogance and lack of self-awareness of thinking coming in here and displaying many of the behaviours that cause women to be completely exhausted with men as a group will change the OP’s mind.

I often find it hard not to have resentment towards all men. Yes I know that NAMALT and such, but it seems to be so many of them that its depressing as fuck. And yes, not one man I know in real life (some on the internet claim to, but on the net you can claim anything) are aware of their male privilege and many seem to think that women are treat better than men in near all aspects of life. whenever I discuss rape stats or anything, the conversation changes to how divorce courts are apparently biased against men and such. Hell even a discussion among friends about FGM was derailed into how awful it is for male circumcision to happen. And while I do personally agree that noone should chop healthy parts from their child, male circumcision is just not comparable to FGM at all and it really really annoyed me that thats what the topic ended up being. But its often 'what about poor men' whenever a man is involved in the conversation. Depressing

Just remember nearly all men would have been raised by a women, we are not doing a very good job

If we put together the fact that women do the vast majority of the care work in the household with the fact that children learn what they live how can anyone be surprised that this teaches children that women are servants to the needs of others?
It is particularly unseemly to then blame the women for teaching the children that women's purpose and pleasure is to serve others.

Regarding OldMan's claim about what women would learn from going to MRA's and other men's group's websites.
Women do sometimes read those websites, intentionally or sometimes stumbling upon them. It isn't usually necessary because the men usually make a point of coming into women's spaces to mansplain "the real reasons for what we think & do" (9th rule).
What we have learned from men is what Germain Greer told us many years ago: "Women have very little idea how much men hate them."

Oh Lass you really do have a wonderfully Thatcherite way of individualising the collective if it’s not affecting you personally, don’t you?

But statistics are against you. Realistically women are far more likely to pick up the housework even when they work the same hours. And madcatlady was just evaluating her odds correctly

Who did the poster complaining she was a maid think was going to sort her problem out? Or is it just easier to whinge on a feminist thread and blame some nebulous patriarchy? (Of course I know the answer to that)
Those priveliged women that can't understand that not every woman is privy to the same choices as they were. Who blame women's behaviour, not men's, for the vulnerable position
they are in

This to me is true handmaiden territory

The OP moaning about being her husband 's maid could have done something about it. Why does feminism, or the sort on here, seej to infantilise women?

I’m sure if op spent 5 minutes on an mra site her view would be more entrenched than it is now!

I don’t get why when a woman says she’s had enough of men it obviously is like a red rag to a bull. Get over yourself.

Iit's not "infantilising" women to acknowledge that not all of us get the same opportunities in life

And blaming women for that is about the most unfeminist way to look at it

Poverty, abusive upbringings, no family support, forced to go work in a dead end job to bring money into the house, caring for elderly relatives, not having the opportunities in life but to stick with the first deadbeat bloke that shows any attention because they model what they see

All of that could be avoided if you just used a bit of nous like you did lass and abracadabra the oppression of women never existed,huh ?

@OldmanOfTheWeb3 we know lots of men are killed and attacked by other men. I am heartbroken about it. Especially, as a woman with a son, a husband and teenage nephews; plus male friends and colleagues. The results of toxic masculinity affecting males as well as females is very sad indeed.

I think when you realise that women as a whole are so oppressed the natural reaction is to feel that resentment/negativity towards the oppressor as a whole as well.

It may well be a natural part of a sort of grief process, where you mourn the reality you thought you lived in. A bit like when women are on Relationships upset and someone points out that they’re not actually upset at leaving their situation, they’re grieving for the situation they think they should Have had.

How to work through it? I think that will differ person to person. I’m a mother to two males - I intend to do my damndest to raise them as decent human beings who can see how the system is rigged and who do what they can to help.
Some of it I don’t want to work past though - the anger is motivating in many ways. How can you see such a rigged system and NOT be angry? Rationalise the anger any way that works for you, but don’t have the state you were in before as a goal. It’s righteous anger.

Meanwhile over on a different forum, someone is pointing out that two men are murdered in this country for every woman.

Yes, but who is doing the murdering?

Male violence is an epidemic tbh.

pointing out that two men are murdered in this country for every woman

I don't know why trans/men's rights activists think this is news to us, or what they expect us to do about it

We've been trying to do something about male violence for centuries. It's time for the men to have a try.

pointing out that two men are murdered in this country for every woman

Every single one of those murders is a tragedy.

So.... How many are committed by women? Two men to one woman is not an argument for men having it worse, it’s an argument (or rather concrete proof) of males as a class being violent.

What do you want women to do about it? We aren’t the ones killing people.

Regarding oldman's post I want to say (not to oldman since he has the arrogance to disengage after speaking) that many of us who contribute here are fully aware of the bias we have the potential to pick up from reading similar views repeatedly and we are also able to lift ourselves above what we are reading and think critically. I can often see both sides of the argument (believe it or not) and I definitely think that this forum is sometimes an echo chamber of views I largely agree with. I can also see how bigots can feed off some of the comments they might find here and even how bigotry can develop here. But 'out there' is also not neutral and some of us live in very homogenous communities. I know very few GC people in real life. This place gives me a lens I choose to look through from time to time and it makes a lot of sense to my life. It empowers me. I wouldn't dream of entering a thread to announce that I, unlike everybody there, can think critically even about my own views or that I am uniquely aware of my capacity for being influenced by others. I assumed most people can.

SlothSlothSloth FGM and forced marriages are both about pleasing men so the problem there is not with Muslims but with men.

OldmanOfTheWeb3 The problem is Islam because Western non-Muslim men are doing neither.

I know this isn’t the main subject of this thread but I must call out the Oldman on this. FGM isn’t a religious rite it’s cultural and there are millions of non-muslima undergoing this mutilation. African and Middle Eastern non-muslim men are doing this, many are Christian.
Families do this to ensure their daughters make a ‘good marriage’ and the reason they need to make a good marriage is because they live in communities where women cannot work and therefore depend on a men. Whichever way you go around every avenue brings it back to ‘men’.

And lass you've been lucky and you can't see it. I have been lucky too and I see it as my responsibility to help those who haven't. Just because I have never been a servant to my dh doesn't mean that I'm blind to the fact most women around me are, or to the structural issues that perpetuate it.

I think it shows a quite remarkable lack of emotional intelligence to pronounce "I am successful and made great choices, so why didn't you?"

I am sure you are top notch in the ole book learnin' lass but at least in this area you are coming across as rather lacking

FWIW, I agree with you down to the ground on your stated views around porn and prostitution. Which is a puzzle to me because, taking those views into account, you don't appear to blame those women for their choices. But I digress.

Lovely post, materialist

The relief and relaxation is immense

I simply avoid men, cut them out of my life.

I've done this for 20 yrs and it's been a huge benefit.

When the world is a misogynist circus it makes no sense to invite a misogynist to my table, to be always around me. That's nuts to me.

There's great value and self confidence to be gained by problem solving without men. You get to really know who you are.

You get to have tons of space just for this process.

"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off."

There's a normal evolution in the feminist lifecycle where pretty much everyone has a stage of looking around them and going, fuck, men as a group behave appallingly towards women. Doesn't mean you don't love some specific men in your life, doesn't mean you'll stay feeling that way all the time forever, but it's not an unreasonable response to realizing just how much evil shit has been aimed at women historically, and still is.

Not long ago I felt so much guilt at my dislike of men as a group. My resentment and anger towards them was borne out of their disgusting abuse of women and how most of them just don't care about it. Yet I was the one feeling bad!!! Then I realized I am right to feel the way I do - they deserve to be disliked and that's being generous!

My mother was from an era well before feminism, but she remarked casually to me that 'very few women over forty like men'

Very true. Some women do persist after 40. But most do wake up to the unfairness of the situation for women.

It is interesting to see places/classes, whereby women do not need men for survival. Many women remain unmarried. It is why, 40 years after demanding 'equal pay', we are still only 85% of the male wage on average. To keep women dependent on men.

but it's not an unreasonable response to realizing just how much evil shit has been aimed at women historically, and still is.

This!! and the ones who still protest too much that this hasn't, and isn't, happening, are the ones demanding that women conform to the delusion of their minds they are currently trying to paint as reality, gaslit by their supposed feelings.