How to protect my nephews from porn

[RealityHasALiberalBias]

This has been bothering me for a while. My nephews are 8 and 12, they will likely be exposed to online porn soon, if they haven’t been already.

My sister and her partner are very anti-feminist and I really don’t know if they will care to listen to, let alone understand, why porn is bad for women and could damage the boys.

I don’t want them to join the legions of pornsick boys with erectile dysfunction, dangerous fetishes and misogynist sexual fantasies.

How do I approach this subject? The elder one is already pretty teenage in his attitude and has suddenly gone from being a loving nephew to embarrassed by his aunt.

There's a good article discussed in the thread below which has guidance suggestions for parents & carers, professionals and other adults.

It links the violent language of sex and pornography and discusses the wider implications of this.

I've been thinking it would be a useful article to show some family and friends.

The author has run workshops with young people.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3253264-Very-good-article-by-Jessica-Eaton-about-language-used-to-describe-sex

You can’t
Porn is so accessible that you can’t shield them from it, if they want to look then they will - wether that’s online, or magazines or films
What you (and their parents) need to concentrate on is providing them with healthy attitudes to women, relationships and sex (age appropriate) leading by example.

If you were their parent, you could make sure that you are aware of what they are viewing online by not giving them computers / tablets / phones in their bedrooms. By having the computer where they access the Internet in a place where you can see what they are looking at.

But I agree with the other posters, aside from curtailing how they can access porn, letting them understand that girls and women are people, equals to be friends with, not to be viewed as things to conquer and hurt.

I agree. The only hope is for them to be vaccinated against the dangers of extreme porn with qualitities such as empathy, biological knowledge, respect, understanding depictions of reality versus staged fantasy etc

Not your business how their parents raise them. Parents may well feel you're overstepping your boundaries.

Speaking to them about porn might only make them curious. Or make them feel guilty about the feelings of sexual attraction that are just emerging. This then runs the risk of associating sexual desire with shame, which can lead to repressed desires which isn't a healthy road for anyone to take.

It's something I worry about with my DS - I don't want his first exposure to sexual material to be some video on a friend's smartphone, showing violence against women.

I have, very cautiously and in what I hope is an age appropriate way, mentioned to him that he is likely over the next few years to have friends show him videos. That some people are very nasty and like to watch people being hurt. That real sex is not like that - real sex is about two people giving each other mutual pleasure. That if he sees anything that upsets him, he can talk to me - I won't be shocked or blame him for things that other people have shown him.

That and an "electronic devices in public rooms" rule.

I don't know what else I can do. I feel furious with the fucking porn industry that I have to do this. I don't want him to see women being choked, or subject to double penetration, or raped on film. But I'm not sure I can protect him from that in the modern world, and it breaks my heart. All I can try to do is equip him with some sort of ability to see that sort of shit for what it is.

Agree you can't stop the exposure and god help them with parents who don't care. I agree your best bet is to concentrate on "girls and women as human beings"- friends, future work colleagues- the more of this they see hopefully that will help vaccinate them against the "women as fuck objects to be used and abused" that underpins porn. So talk about stuff they're interested in- whatever music, books, sport they like; if they spend time at your house you could engineer to invite friends with similar aged or older, confident, socially adept girls around at the same time and you can all chat about stuff together perhaps.

I know about browser option "parental control"

Check out culturereframed.org - started by Gail Dines. Useful advice.

I don't think you need to be a raging feminist to think hardcore porn isn't ideal for children! If you're concerned about them as you should be why not send your sister/brother some articles about the effects of porn on the boy, rather than the effects of porn industry on women?

There's no need to approach it from a feminist angle. Especially if that puts off their parents. There's plenty of material out there you can draw on that shows it hinders forming actual relationships, can lead to ED and other problems. Jordan Peterson (this boards favourite public figure) talks about it on several occasions.

Ha, well I’m pretty sure my sister and her partner will be very interested in Jordan Peterson’s views on the matter (I love my sister, but she is unfortunately an actual, massive bigot).

Thanks very much for the pointers everyone, I’ll see if I can steer the conversation towards this subject next time I see them all.