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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Being told to lighten up - how do you respond?

61 replies

doricgirl · 15/05/2018 18:47

I was walking through the park today with my two year old strapped to my back and stopped to wait for a bunch of 19/20 year old guys playing football across the path to move past so we didn’t get hit.

One of them saw me and stopped the game, I said thanks as I passed - all good. As I was walking away one of them said kick the ball at the kid... so I turned round and said this isn’t funny to which the guy started with oh lighten up hardly a threat etc. I did get quite arse at that point saying when it’s your own child it’s not funny and he told me he didn’t want to have the conversation any more.

Went off to meet my husband and only when telling him did I realise how upset I was. He was furious and pointed out it would not have happened if it had been him or we’d been together.

Am torn between thinking I am just a grumpy old woman (38) and wanting to have better comebacks to this kind of shit.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
womanformallyknownaswoman · 16/05/2018 03:25

Comebacks:

Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

Being a dick won’t make yours any bigger

Puffycat · 16/05/2018 03:42

I’m surprised your lioness didn’t kick in.
Small child strapped to your back + wanky teenagers = kill the fuckers.
Well done you for holding it together

Kyanite · 16/05/2018 06:59

That's really awful! I'm not sure what I would have said but I would have been very upset that someone suggesting harming my child.

I was once with my daughter when she was 3 or 4, looking at the rescued goats and turkeys down the road from us. We were next to the wire fence, standing on a very narrow strip of grass by the road. A couple of young idiot males were in a car coming down the road and the driver swerved towards us, hoping I expect that we would run or fall over or something. There was really nowhere for us to go in that time, we were against the fence, it all happened fast so I just stared at the driver. Thankfully he did straighten up and didn't hit us, his friend in the passenger seat looked shocked, so at least that was something!

TerfsUp · 16/05/2018 08:21

I take out my scrooch gun and give them a good blast.

TheBogWitchIsBack · 16/05/2018 08:27

What kind of 19/20 year olds think it's funny to kick footballs at children?
They aren't teenagers are they, they're meant to be adults capable of voting and all sorts and that's the kind of shit that entertains them?.
I despair.

SardineReturns · 16/05/2018 08:32

In my experience when you respond with like the escalate like mad, probably due to pp point about backing down to a woman being simply not possible.

I jabs had men scream in my face, spit at me, follow me shouting, throw stuff at me, yell at me to "take it outside" ie have a physical fight, been pushed, pulled, had a pint tipped over my head...

I was punched in the face once but there was no previous interaction he just walked up and punched me in the face.

I have also had plenty of young men deliberately boot footballs at me, which I mentioned before a poster came on to point out that would never happen Confused.

Just shows how off the mark men's risk assessments are, they literally cannot put themselves in our shoes and simply do not listen.

Woman know too well the anger some men show when women don't behave how they address supposed. Obviously, men have not experienced this. Add the ever present undercurrent of possibility of sexual assault, and advising a woman to stand het ground and give some verbal back, to a group of young men in a park, yeah great advice.

The proper advice surely is to leave , get away. I have certainly not advised my daughter's to get arsey if they feel threatened by a man or men, I have said just get away.

SardineReturns · 16/05/2018 08:34

Kyanite yes I've had men drive their car "at me" a few times it's not good. One when I was young actually (very slowly) drive his car into me! I complained to his employer but nothing came of it (it was one of the vehicle recovery services).

Elementtree · 16/05/2018 08:38

"I know your Mam" tends to put the fear of God into anyone under twenty in my neck of the woods.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 16/05/2018 08:42

I have that type of face that just looks very - well grumpy really.

The very best/worst comeback I ever had had was true, sadly, but mum would have hooted as she had a very dark sense of humour anyway.

'Smile!'
'Why? My mum died last night.'

Oddly enough 2 of my sisters had a similar thing when they were sitting outside organising for mums funeral.

'Cheer up, it might never happened, Ladies'
'we're planning mums funeral...'

SpicyTomatos · 16/05/2018 09:53

"Based on the skills I've seen so far, I'm at far greater risk when you are shooting at the goal [or somewhere in the opposite direction]"

ErrolTheDragon · 16/05/2018 10:40

When I was younger, I occasionally got the 'smile, it may never happen' (when perfectly happy lost in my own thoughts') and had no compunction about sadly retorting 'it already has'. There's no need to put up with that sort of idiocy.

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