It's always a woman's fault

[Treesybreezy]

I am interested in true crime, so the capture of a (really good, apparently a DNA match)suspect EAR/ONS horrific sex assaults and murders caught my attention. But within a day headlines were screaming about an ex who allegedly fuelled his crimes. Anyone trying to refute this gets Ted Bundy chucked in their face (he liked women of a certain physical type, so his fiancée and his victims looked similar).

Why are we so obsessed about trying to find a woman to blame for a man's antisocial acts? I could rant about how it doesn't matter what action we take towards an abusive man, anything he does next gets blamed on the woman but I would start frothing because it makes me so angry. I don't even want to add in the 'not all men' because the men who don't commit acts of overt violence seem happy to latch on to any reason to excuse the acts of violent men. It's our whole society and it's sick.

Yup.

1st rule of misogyny: Women are responsible for what men do.
10th rule of misogyny: The worst thing about male violence is that it males men look bad.

https://www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/6kkeni/theerulesoffmisogyny/

Sometimes I think it’s an attempt to say “look, everything is ok. Everything is equal.” So no action needed.

The other day I was chatting about HW with some friends when one woman said “but girls can be so manipulative. Give me boys any time”.

Then another woman started describing some men at her work who used to harass the girls working there and said “but it was different times then. We took it as a compliment”.

You know. I think it’s a psychological phenomenon. That people need to convince themselves that all is ok with the world and that it wouldn’t happen to them.

A few years ago there was a murder where the ex broke into the woman’s house and killed her whilst asleep in bed. The newspaper reported that she was sleeping naked.

My first thought was “why was she sleeping naked?”

It’s so ingrained in us. To find a reason why it’s the victim’s fault.

And really why did the newspaper need to print that bit? What relevance could it possibly have?

I said the same thing to my husband when I saw the story about his former fiancee. Always a woman's fault, whether it's the mother, significant other or even the victim. It just shows how deeply these attitudes are engrained in society.

Oh yes the mother. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.

Apparently

They are still hounding Sonia Sutcliffe.

I remember the hate directed at her and the blame she was apportioned for the serial murders she knew nothing about.

I keep meaning to print out the rules of misogyny. It's all so true.

Just imagine if we really had the power they assign to us, in all these reports on the reasons for violent men (especially MRA types).

I hadn't realised they blamed Sonia, but I'm not surprised. The main takeaway I always had was the mishandling of the case by the police.

I'm keeping a tab on my browser with the rules at the moment, seem to be needing to c&p them a lot.

If a woman leaves her partner/husband and he kills people, she is to blame because she was supposedly the 'trigger'. This applies even if she is one of the murder victims.

If she stays with him and he kills people, she is to blame because she must have known what he was up to. (Google "wife of serial killer" for a few examples).

If the man was single it is the fault of women everywhere because they didn't want to have sex with him.

And the common theme for all of them is that the man's mother is to blame too because it must have been due to his upbringing.

The only people who don't seem to be blamed are the killers themselves.

So true. My friend's ex husband murdered their 10 year old twins, and a younger son he had with another woman, and then killed himself. A newspaper article asked: 'what did these women do to drive this man to do this?'. Sickening.

Oh my goodness, bearhug, that is horrific. Your poor friend.

More than sickening bearhug

That's awful bearhug. How anyone can kill their child is beyond me.

@bearhug that’s horrific. I have no words.

I was talking about this on another thread, when my lovely friend Sam was kidnapped, tortured, murdered and dismembered, when she was found 16 months later, the press were full of her “haphazard” lifestyle (she was a young, free spirit having fun) and that she was “too friendly” “too trusting” “too chatty” and “too naive”. Like it was her fault, that she somehow brought this heinous awful thing on herself.

It’s bullshit, unmitigated bullshit. He did it, he chose to and he wanted to so he did.

She never brought any of it on herself.

I'm really sorry bearhug.

she was “too friendly” “too trusting” “too chatty” and “too naive”.

Unlike those of us feminazis who are too cynical, too jaded, too untrusting of men and too suspicious.

There is no winning this game. Only choosing how to lose, or not playing.

Smeddum, that 's awful.

And MrsTerrypratchett is right. If we're not too naive and too friendly then we're accused of being cycical man-haters. It's a tightrope, to get it right ''in men's eyes'' and it isn't even possible, and they're not trying to get it right in our eyes.

Always the same with rape too isn't it. Right after 'it didn't happen' comes 'she asked for it'. Men are never to blame for their own actions.

If she walks home from a night out, gets public transport or gets a male friend to walk her home:

"She should have got a taxi".

If the rapist is a taxi driver:

"She should never have got in that taxi".

Treating all men like potential rapists = misandry.

Treating all men like NAMALT = asking for it.

yupp. [sigh] indeed

I remember my solicitor apropos nothing unrelated to the case told me it was important my daughter didn't end up a man hater. I should have said ''it's important she doesn't end up sacrificing her life for a man's convenience''.

Yes that poor girl in Goa that got murdered. They were a slightly hippyish family reading the press you would think it was the mothers fault, not the actual perpetrators

If she walks home from a night out, gets public transport or gets a male friend to walk her home:

She should have got a taxi".

If the rapist is a taxi driver:

She should never have got in that taxi".

This post should be framed.

I also read that out to dh.

Basically quite a lot of men believe there are circumstances which justify killing or raping or hurting a woman. They don't acknowledge even to themselves that they think this but it pops out when these things happen and they say "she got in a dodgy taxi" or "he had a bad break up" or "she wouldn't let him see his children"

I have very explicit conversations with my teenage daughters about men and how men view them. They have the best and gentlest of fathers, grandfathers, brothers and uncles. Doesn't matter - they need to know how the world works.

Speaking as a fellow female, women are also capable of horrible crimes, not needing male influences. Also men can be influenced by women, it happens. I’m not saying that the woman is always to blame, just that the crime itself is individual and it the person who does it who’s responsible, male or female. When did a sex rule apply in guilt? Surely equality means either or both are guilty. The press make things worse for all parties