What made you a feminist?

[MipMipMip]

I've copied my post over from another thread, hence the trans elements (Although it was trans that led me down the rabbit hole.)

I would be really interested to know what people's lightbulb moment was? I think knowing that may help attract other people. Thanks.

I was not into feminism. I was into equality, fairness for all. Not pushing men aside and demanding more and more. All this business about men have a better deal is nonsense, we're in GB in the 21st Century. Equality is here, sure women won't get promoted as fast if they're missing time to have maternity leave but when they are there they will.

I read a few threads about the trans issue. Of course trans people should be able to change where they want! They've had ops to get rid of genitalia, they must really feel they are women and are in a bad situation so yes, I'll pretend.

Then I started to hear a few fact. That for many it was a turn on to dress as women and toinvolve unwilling participants in their fantasies. The numbers who don't seek any medical help, let alone transition. The ones who are wearing their teenage daughters clothing and getting aroused (ifanythingabout your teenage daughter or their belongings gets you aroused there is something very wrong). The crime rates staying the same post transition.

Then there was what was being demanded. Access to women's prisons. Ignore safeguarding. Rape centres and refuges no longer being sacrosanct.

I started hearing instances. A woman going for a smear, requesting a female nurse and being told the man identifies as a woman. A man going into a refuge claiming to be a woman and raping people. Another going in a refuge and when women objected the women being kicked out for being transphobic. A woman questioning being punched. A woman being made to lie in court about gender. A man leading a hate campaign against a women's officer then taking her place. #NoDebate. Meetings to dicuss this being shut down. Police involved for stating facts. Employers called for people disagreeing. Endless endless abuse on Twitter.

So trans did not mean what I thought it meant and these are not people I want in my space.

I started seeing how privileged I am. I have not been raped. I have not been assaulted. I have not had a violent relationship. I have not been obviously used or missed out on things because of my gender.

I had to think of my #metoo moment. I remember it because it was funny (would it have been had I been alone?). How many have I forgotten?

I started to realise that men did have advantages. That a men's pill was developed and scrapped because it had the same side effects women put up with. That when a child is ill it is the woman expected to miss work to deal. That male privilege is real, that the effect is there even if it's not obvious. That men think women dominate a conversation if they speak for 30/. That things really are not equal and even here, in GB in the 21st century, things are not fair and there is a fight to be had.

There are a lot of things happening right now. Knowledge of FGM. Rapes in India. #MeToo. Rotherham. But it was these boards, with the mix of voices, full of facts and arguments, personal experiences and shared stories, that brought be to this very angry point. I don't like having my eyes opened. But they needed to be and sadly I learn more to horrify me everyday.

I am a feminist.

Thank you ladies.

I am also smug at how much better the English Women's Football team is than the men's.

I am angry that those achievements are given next to no funding in comparison to the men and very little media coverage.

I don't follow cricket or rugby, but aren't our women's national teams doing rather better than the men in that too?

But the patriarchy and institutionalised sexism aren't a 'thing' supposedly.

I was always a feminist but from a social justice perspective - from fighting for toilets in my first proper job where as an IT consultant I had to visit companies where many had no female toilets on the mgt floor (where the computers would be housed) through to golf clubs not allowing women to attend corporate events through to going on radio (MoneyBox I think), when an insurance company refused to pay out on a burglary because ex and I weren't married and they said my stolen goods weren't covered but his were (even though I paid the bloody premiums) - they would have paid out if I was a maid or a visitor however!!

I worked hard, did well and then I left my ex who launched an all out war for years - weaponising the legal system and god knows what else to intern me overseas. I turned to the services that I paid all my tax for and found them to be non existent for me.

I gradually realised I was like one of those black slaves in the US that whatever I did or whoever I turned to (and still happens today), they were not only wilfully blind to me - but they would punish me for trying to get help / out. I had to be taught a lesson and kept in my place - at the bottom, under their jack-boot, at their whim.

I'm now a bloody enraged radfem ready to spill whatever blood is needed to win this war - because it takes million of women and girl's lives each year, never mind about all the injuries that are mislabelled as something other than the cause - violent, entitled men, using a variety of coercive control tactics, protected by other men and the patriarchy.

Bring it on.

Always have been due to my amazing parents.

I thought we’d been there, done that (to be fair, all girls school, academic success, early career all confirmed that idea). Then I had kids. Mummy-tracked, some rubbish post-natal care, the ‘pinkification’ of childhood, the ‘girls aren’t good at maths’ of primary school.

Now I’m definitely a feminist - and for me, it’s all about the biology. I had the odd grope on the tube etc as a teenager, but the inequality really hit when I had kids and chose to take a long maternity leave in order to facilitate breastfeeding. My career has not recovered. While on maternity leave I did the vast majority of the household organisation / chores / planning / cooking, and I couldn’t change the balance when I went back to work. School phones me even on the days when my kids tell the office that their dad is at home, and I’m over an hour away at work. My DH’s family, school and the dentist call me Mrs DH’sName, though I never changed my name and it’s correct on all the forms (I have to re-correct it each time).

I really didn’t expect all this - I thought I had equality. Turns out not. I’d like it to be different for my daughters.

Male violence made me a feminist. I have been raped, sexually assaulted, attacked, the list goes on. I don't want this for my daughter.

Since I was about 14 when I realised I was good at exams I have felt I could do whatever I wanted to do and realised I was as clever as the boys and was their equal. I started reading feminist literature and tend to think all women are feminists. The ones who don't like the word just haven't thought about what it means. Very few women want to be a man's servant or be paid less than a man for the same work.
I became gender critical due largely to transexuals in sport and the GRA insanity. Transexuals who just got on with life in their new gender and didn't try pushing women out of the way so they could win medals/ go on short lists/ eliminate women's changing rooms/ pretend they were women even though they had penises they had no intention of getting removed didn't bother me.

All the things that others have already posted, plus this - seeing the gap between the life that my mother wanted for herself and could have had in a less sexist society and the life she actually ended up with. By 5 or 6 I was raging on her behalf on a regular basis.

Internatoional womens day 2004 at the ymca in Pune India. Standing there with women who survived being set on fire was quite humbling.

Having DD made me a feminist. It wasn’t until she was born that a lot of things that has rankled for years became clear.
I don’t want her to face the shit I faced growing up and accept it as normal, like I did. Because I want more for her, and for women and girls in general.

I was about 7 when I figured I was a feminist - though I hadn't heard of the word. Growing up through my preteens and teens every day the papers had at least one story about a bride who died in a stove accident. India's infamous dowry deaths.

After many years, I feel the same sense of horror at the weekly killings of women in the UK. As Jean says on the bike thread, the bodies keep coming. How can one not be a feminist?

The remorseless litany of violence against women and children. Helped established a rape crisis centre way back in the 70s . Once you see it / know it, you can never unsee it.

I am devastated at how easily the rights of women are being removed. Who'd have thought, after decades of activism, Spare Rib, Outwrite, political changes, women's rights could be so easily removed by men - and politicians stand by watching or cheer leading the misogynists.

I’m another one who is pretty late to this. I didn’t think we needed feminism anymore - teenager in the 90s af girls school, did ok in my career in my 20s. Sure, I had unpleasant boyfriends and was told by my dad that I had no value because I was no longer a virgin but that was normal and I couldn’t see how sexist it was. I thought my household was enlightened because my mum was quite successful and I only have sisters but see it as anything but now.

What changed me was adult anorexia and a particularly wonderful therapist, and Mumsnet FWR. Speaking to my therapist in my recovery we explored anorexia as the result of growing up in a patriarchal society and everything made sense. That coincided with the trans stuff becoming a big deal on here and with #metoo (which made me realise things I had never seen as sexual assault couldn’t be anything but).

Now I’ve realised how bad we still have it in the way women are still viewed as inferior and that the few precious rights we have are under attack I’m not going anywhere. I’m in with both feet.

Thank you all for sharing. This has been fascinating it sounds as if I was very lucky in my childhood- if teachers wanted something moving they would ask for strong, well behaved pupils rather than strong boys, primary we all did the same sports bloody netball and hockey at secondary though and I do think things were fairly equal. That said, in the last few years I have said several times that of course a relative didn't listen because I'm female (even if I'm an expert in it - or at least closer than the bloke who was believed). So I was protected a bit.

On a similar theme, do you think men can be feminists and why? If not, is there anything they could do to make them femaniats or would there always be the fact that they're not females stand in the way?

I think men can be supporters of feminism and even live according to basic feminist principles. But they can't actually be feminists. And I'm generally suspicious of any man who announces his own feminism.

Can I ask why Lang? Genuinely something I struggle to understand.

Men call themselves feminists when they think it'll grant them access to pussy.

No man can have the life experience required to be a feminist. We all arrive here through a personal journey. A man can be a feminist ally and I welcome male allies wholeheartedly.

Senior school over 30 years ago

I did physics and technical drawing woodwork and metalwork

Mainly because few girls did the 1st and only me and two friends did the last three and they weren't seen as girl subjects

(In my school before anyone has a pop)

I dont even like those subjects i only did it to be contrary

I feel a bit bad about my story. I've never been raped, assaulted, been treated as less a person due to my sex. I live in a quiet rural location and when my husband was alive I just got on with life in a happy marriage with our children.

When my husband died and the last of our children left home I was at a bit of a loose end. I started reading things online about women and was shocked as it hadn't been part of my life experience. I now realise I've lived a very charmed life.

My toe dip then full plunge into feminism came when I realised the full effects of self ID. I have daughters and granddaughters and it terrified me. I began to mention things I was finding out to my DC especially those with daughters and they were horrified. The more I learned the more I shared and the more terrified I and they became. My DC are all #peaktrans even those with no girls. I'm just so grateful I came across this subject when I did so I could help to try to stop self ID and also so I could warn my DC what they could be facing.

Now I am a feminist I shall die a feminist. I just feel very guilty I didn't know more/understand more a lot earlier. I think this is part of the reason why I do sometimes get things wrong but I'm proud to say I learn more each day and get less wrong too.

My parents had a very traditional marriage so feminism was something that just didn't appear on my horizon - until now!

Male violence all through my childhood. Seeing my mother beaten and threatened and controlled. It being well known that was happening but just accepted as what men do.

Fuck that.

Agree that men can’t be feminists. Allies yes, my DH is one of those, great man, but they don’t and can’t know what it’s like to be a woman.

I’m def a radfem.

Don’t feel guilty spontaneous. Be proud. It’s great you are such a role model to your family.

SheilaHammond Thank you. I feel bad due to having such a 'charmed life' while women suffered so.

My gran lost her mum during WWI (not due to the war) and during WWII she took over the running of the home and had to feed and clothe my mum and her sibling yet she was so gentle, loving and kind. She was widowed very young but I don't remember her ever complaining about anything. She is my role model.

I just feel now, it's time to learn as much as I can and do what I can. I think after my own experience I owe that to other women who have suffered so much for their sex.

Can I ask why Lang?

Why men can't be feminists? Or why I am suspicious of men who loudly proclaim themselves to be feminist?

1. Feminism is for women, about women, by women. Men can amplify or provide support but they are not women.

2. Why is he proclaiming about himself instead of amplifying the voices of women?

Being in the kitchen helping wash the dishes with my nan and mum after sunday roast while my dad and and brother sat on their arses watching tv. What the fucking fuck???? I was about 9.

I would like not to be a feminist. I would really like not to be. The capitalist patriarchy keeps on making me a feminist. Like watching my dh die inside and then actually die, because he wasn't 'providing' like the patriarchy said he should, and because taking care of people is not a financially productive activity and we have been told that it is a drain on us rather than an essential part of any civilisation. Like watching my mother spend a lifetime pretending she wasn't ridiculously clever and good with money, because she had internalised all that shit about 'emasculating' men. Like finding on a group work experience placement aged 16 that the boys had been taken off to another office to be shown the calendars of naked women that the company produced for some clients, whereas the girls were kept away from this, and that it was somehow OK that they produced this stuff, provided they kept the 16 year old girls away from it. Like being sexually assaulted at my own front door by a stranger - because he could. I do believe transwomen are oppressed by the patriarchy, because they are men unlike what the patriarchy wants them to be. Life made me a feminist and keeps me a feminist. Bugger it.

i had many siblings but all boys and girls were brought up roughly the same, sharing the same few toys and wearing similar clothes. mum did literally all the housework and looking after, but didn't expect the girls to follow suit. i never questioned my mum's role. it never occurred to me i had that much in common with her. i enjoyed a lot of freedom.

there were more boys and men than women and girls in the family though, and i felt they must be more important. i recall thinking how all my favourite musicians and authors and philosophers were men. i concluded i wasn't a feminist, because i really liked men.

i liked men so much i grew up into one of those really cool special different girls other people have been talking about. also very cool with the porn and the porn inspired sex. i remember the exact point in the late 1990s / early 2000s when porn culture started to influence my sexuality, and i resented my parents for not teaching me to be a girly enough girl. i had to work hard to learn and i never felt like i quite pulled it off.

interestingly for me the sexual assault and rape and harassment experienced in my teens and 20s did not turn me into a feminist. what did? i met a man who earned a lot more money than me but insisted on sharing it with me. he told me my job was more important than his and he thought the disparity in our wages was unfair. he got me thinking about why what i did (a typically female role) was so undervalued. i started to look outwards from my own experience to my mum's and to the women around me. through my work i came into contact with a lot of stories of abuse.

so as a person who'd always loved men, it sadly took a man to get me thinking critically about women's places in the world. but from there my feminism snowballed, turning into an avalanche after my first baby and a fucking ice age after the others. to his credit, the man, who'd fallen in love with the special cool girl, did not run away from the raging ball of feminist fury that he'd unwittingly provoked.