Long hair for girls

[Polynerd]

Is anyone else fed up with the crushing orthodoxy that little girls 'must' have long hair? My youngest started school with a sensible bob, but this combined with her trousers and 'boys' shoes (ie warm and sturdy shoes) caused many of the other children to insist repeatedly that she was a boy. Now she won't let me cut her hair at all so in mid-Y1 it is halfway down her back, looking bloody awful and causing me a lot of work every morning.
Meanwhile my eldest, who is mid-teens, has very short hair with a quiff and a shave but has been talking about growing it out. The other day she told one of my friends that I had told her not to grow it long because it was a symbol of the patriarchy. This is true but the friend she said it to has a daughter with mega-long hair and I think she was offended.
Am I overreacting to see my girls' hair as a political symbol?

Incidentally I also have a son. He can't bear hair in his eyes and has several times cut his fringe back to the roots, necessitating a no. 2 all over. I also hate this because it seems such an overt symbol of aggressive masculinity! Am I hair-obsessed?

It's a bloody minefield.
What I want, is for girls to have free choice in wearing their hair how they like.
But that's never gonna happen.
I've had long and short hair and am much happier with long, because I find it easier to handle and put up to get it out of my face, I don't muck around styling it on a daily basis, and ultimately it's more natural to me to not cut it than it would be to frequently get it shorn.
But it has become far more of an expectation than it ever used to be for girls, and you hardly ever see short hair on girls any more because that choice isn't as easily chosen as it used to be.

I think you can lament the pressure to conform for girls yes.
And you can insist upon trimming her hair to keep it manageable, since brushing long and knotty hair can otherwise be the source of too many tears (brusher and brushee both)

I find mothers of small boys with long hair who throw hissy fits when you call him she annoying. Preschool kids often look unisex as sexual facial structures haven't developed. If you're going to get upset if a stranger misgendering your son give him a short back and sides or an "I am a boy" badge or something. I hated my short hair as a girl because I got called a boy and was delighted when I could grow it.

What I want, is for girls to have free choice in wearing their hair how they like.
I let my kids do whatever they like with their hair. DD has had short, bobbed and long. Lots of people seem to find the fact I let her decide how she wants her hair odd
It's her hair, I don't want her feeling she has to please others
My youngest son (7) is trying to grow a man bun

Its quite sad in a way hair length has become a distinguishing factor of boy/girl. No idea how it came about. A friend of mine has a small boy with long hair and most think he is a girl. I think its cute. Children up start of puberty basically can look whatever gender they want from hair and how they dress. People worried about being misgendered will conform to social expectations.

It's a factor because most small kids look androgynous. If the parents and kids don't care what sex strangers think they are then it doesn't matter

The kids themselves age 5-6 seem so determined to strongly gender themselves. I can't decide if it's innate or whether a portion of them have parents who make them feel that their gender identity is supremely important. Probably a bit of both. Youngest was talking to me earlier and said she felt that it was 'weird' for boys to have long hair, but was looking at me nervously as if she knew I would disapprove of this view! But at that age they can't help but be honest.
On a related note, my son's first school friend was so appalled to discover that son's favourite colour was pink that he literally broke up the friendship. He couldn't even talk to him. It was awful because it happened in the middle of a playdate and I had to take him home. They are several years older now and I think the friend may turn out to be gay which might possibly be something to do with it?

What I want, is for girls to have free choice in wearing their hair how they like.

And boys - they've always been more constrained in their choice of hair, including by school 'short back and sides' type rules.

OP, it's a shame your little girl was pressured by silly stereotyping, but yet I think you're overreacting to see long hair as 'a symbol of the patriarchy'. My DD and I both choose to have long hair - what's inside our heads is what's important, not what's outside them.

Well I never used to until it because such a universal feature of girls. My daughter's secondary school is almost as bad. There are a small coterie who have short crops and the rest all have super-long hair. When I was young people had hair all sorts of lengths. Although plenty had bubble perms...

Observation from early years teacher: up to age four, sometimes five, most kids will wear whatever they want from the dressing up box. somewhere between four and five the boys suddenly want to be boys (most obvious in the boys in class)

not unusual for her to be suddenly wanting to be "girly"

I wonder if it would still happen if they didn't start school at that age? Could be the catalyst?

some have been in school since three though, so maybe not just that.

ds was definitely influenced by other boys in his class... things he liked suddenly became unacceptable if someone else told him so. that really kicked in age 6/7

dd was more immune to that.

both are autistic/suspected autistic though.

parents influence children. (eg ds's dad) also overheard parents clearly stating that toys are not for boys...

all the pink and blue in shops, and adverts.

schools try not to influence children, but picture books are quite biased in the main characters..

maybe it is a developmental stage every child goes through, but is also influenced by environment ie the stereotypes of boys and girls. there was something on child of our time on it.

there was also something on the bbc? about gender stereotyping in school and language.

it is bloody everywhere when you look.

This enraged me. Girls with long hair basically have a permanent handicap. They have to spend time each day being brushed and plaited etc - an early lesson in beautification that boys are not subject to. Then, they can’t really play properly because they always have hair getting in the way. You can’t hang upside down on the monkey bars with long hair. Even if it’s tied back it comes down over the course of a day’s boisterous play. So girls either play with hair in their faces or are discouraged from playing. Or they have to stop every 5 minutes to redo it.

My DD (5) has a short hair cut. She is constantly mistaken for a boy and people tell me I’m cruel! But at least I’m not teaching her that looking pretty is more important than practicality.

@fifi you are a parent after my own heart. The time spent beautifying had not occurred to me!

The trouble is poly, once you start thinking about this stuff you can’t stop!

I don’t understand why anyone - man, woman, child or mermaid - would have long hair.

I had long hair for years. I was a fucking idiot. The amount of time and money wasted! Now I have a crop and I wish I’d had one my whole life.

I wish I could do the same as you booty, but I haven’t managed to liberate myself from the prison of wanting to look feminine. I still have a bob, but would love to go short. So much easier! I am tall and heavily built though, so would look extremely mannish with a crop. If only I could teach myself not to care!

I have hair of the length required to go into a ponytail - I've had shortish, and buzz cuts, longer, permed, all sorts, and zeroed in on this as the least effort over all (ie. don't require frequent hair cuts, doesn't need brushing much, doesn't get in the way, doesn't need me to wet it and paste it down every morning - which is what happened when I had a crop).

DP does a number 3 all over every couple of weeks, DS1 is the only one who gets a proper hair cut because he wants it, DS2 refuses to have a hair cut, and has ringlets - although I had to sneakily cut some off the front so it wasn't in his eyes.

All we can do is support our own kids in their choices.

Incidentally I also have a son. He can't bear hair in his eyes and has several times cut his fringe back to the roots, necessitating a no. 2 all over. I also hate this because it seems such an overt symbol of aggressive masculinity!

I can't comment on daughters as I don't have any. But after the first infestation of nits, I kept my sons in buzz cuts all the way through primary school. No more nits ever! But, I will say, while I felt smug when all the other parents were dealing with yet another outbreak, I also did used to look at them occasionally and worry that it looked as though I was trying to emphasise their boyishness.

On the other hand, longer hair (not even necessarily extremely long, but bobbed) entails less visits to the hairdresser and no time consuming product application each morning to give it some kind of shape, especially for those like me, cursed with fine hair. Hey, you can trim it yourself and avoid the expense and faff of salon visits altogether!

I had a bit of a feminist moment the other day when I realised I was faffing around with clips and bobbles on toddler dd to keep her long hair out of her eyes. I never did any of that with ds, he could always see and didn't have to stand still to have his hair done, so I promptly cut her a fringe! So much better.

I have long hair as it saves money. No trips to the hair dressers for s start. Comb, plait, go. This may be more of a sensory issue though. Hate hairdressers fiddling round my head.

As a child I had shortish hair and was mistaken for a boy regularly. May also have been the fact I was swinging about in trees too.

I actually have longish hair myself, but only because of a strong dislike of the hairdresser!

Meanwhile my eldest, who is mid-teens, has very short hair with a quiff and a shave

Doesn't maintaining that , or any short cut, need more effort than long hair? When my hair was long all it needed was the occasional trim of the ends with a good pair of kitchen scissors. The first time I was in a hairdresser's was when it was cut off.(which I instantly regretted and regrew it)

Now I am at the hairdresser every 5 weeks to maintain a short bob.

My DD loves getting the shortest haircut possible at the local barber. Her smile is so wide as already short hair gets shorter. DS goes kicking and screaming as he loves longer hair ( and always ends up with the nits). Yes, DD is mistaken for a boy often by people who don't know her. I correct them but not narkily. For kids who don't conform to visual stereotypes, sex segregated toilets, camping sleeping arrangements etc are welcome and reassuring (for my DD anyway ) that they belong. I used to cry when a millimetre was cut from my fringe. My DD rocks!