I posted this in another thread but it seems pertinent here too. Sorry for the double post.
I think it's important to ask difficult questions like these.
Transwomen and transmen already have human rights, as they should. They have the right to live as they choose and to be free from prejudice, discrimination and harm. What they do not have the right to do is "to claim membership of a sex to which they CATEGORICALLY DO NOT BELONG, if it comes at the expense of the original members of that sex being forced to cede their own rights to definition. That is not a human right. It should never be a human right to force others to falsely identify themselves for the benefit of another." (Anon). Women have the right to name ourselves women and females and to talk about our lives, our experiences and our bodies. Transwomen can take hormones, they can have surgery. They will always be male. Likewise, transmen will always be female. It is impossible to change sex. That's just reality, not transphobia or bigotry.
Ask her why is all this only going one way? If transwomen really are women then transmen really are men. They should have male privilege. Why then, do transwomen dominate the movement? If transmen have male privilege why aren’t they the dominant voice?
Why aren't men's spaces being invaded? Why aren't men being told they're transphobic or bigoted for talking about their penises? Why isn't their language being changed? Why is the meaning of woman being changed but the meaning of man remains adult human male? Why is it ok to have men-only and transwomen-only groups and spaces but women-only is bigotry? Ask about sports. Why does she think it's fair that males are allowed to compete in women's sports? Doesn't the fact that transwomen are famous for achievements in entertainment, business etc whilst transmen are famous for giving birth tell us something? We're not smashing gender roles but actually reinforcing them.
Why does she think we have same-sex spaces in the first place? It is for privacy and dignity as well as safety. Women are human beings, like men and we are allowed privacy and dignity in our private spaces, like men. There are also hundreds of cases of men taking advantage of gender identity laws in the US and Canada to harm women and children. How can we have a movement like MeToo, which shows how prevalent sexual violence against women is and then think it’s acceptable to let men into women’s private spaces? No one is suggesting every transwoman is a danger to women in segregated spaces. The presence of a male bodied person in a female only space makes women FEEL threatened. Women seeking shelter or a private space are entitled to not have to FEEL threatened in the place they are sheltering.
In Ireland, despite the gender identity law, men and women in prisons are still segregated by sex. Why? If she believes that transwomen and women should be separate in prisons but not elsewhere, why is this?
Transwomen say they’re scared to use male spaces because of the threat of male violence against them, usually from strangers. Women in abusive relationships are scared of their partner hitting or raping them. Heterosexual men have been attacked in toilets. The last one is pretty rare but it does happen. Why then, is it not the same when a woman says that she has the SAME fear of male bodied violence from a man who is a complete stranger to her in a female space? Men are the physically stronger sex. Who does she think would gain the upper hand in a struggle?
Why is it acceptable for a transwoman to feel uncomfortable being searched by a man at a club and request a woman? Never mind the fact that a woman may not want to search a man. But if a man follows a young girl into a changing room and undresses, and she is frightened, she is a bigot? What about Muslim women? Are they also bigots for not wanting to see men in their private spaces? What is happening here is not equality. One group is clearly more important than the other group.
Why is saying a woman is an adult human female dangerous? Why is speaking the truth dangerous?
If transwomen are the same as women, then why do they need the word trans? What are they transitioning from and how are they the same as women?
If a woman isn't an adult human female then what is a woman? No-one has provided any other definition of the word woman. So how do transwomen know they're women if they can't even define the word woman?
Make sure you mention that over 80% of males claiming to be women retain their male genitalia. Many also take no steps to pass as women. No hormones, no surgery. With self-ID they wouldn't even have to dress "feminine" (whatever that means). A man in jeans and with a beard can literally say he's a woman and nobody would be allowed to challenge him.
Ask her how men know they are women. They claim it's a "feeling" or an "identity". This is really insulting. They are reducing women to a feeling inside a man's head. And how do men know how women feel?
Tell her about the recent rises in upskirting in schools. This was reported on yesterday. Girls are wearing shorts under skirts because of the rise. How can we teach girls (and boys too) boundaries and consent whilst at the same time telling girls that sometimes they are not allowed to say no to males in their private spaces? They are not allowed privacy and dignity because the feelings of men and boys come first? You could mention the Girl Guides and their policies allowing boys to sleep and shower with girls.