Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

I want to write a letter to my mp about how as a rape survivor i feel about self id

75 replies

Stormwhale · 18/03/2018 09:14

I will be including a descriptive section about my recent smear test, how I cried through the first 15 minutes of the appointment, then disassociated to get through it. I think I would have ended up admitted to a mental health ward if I had not had the choice of having a biological female doing the procedure. I will go into detail.

I will also be writing about my experiences with sexual harassment and violence from men. I will be stating how these incidents and the rape affect me day to day and how the safe spaces such as toilets, changing rooms, showers enable me to live my life as close to normal as possible.

I will be balanced and state that I know not all men are threats, but as a rape survivor the fear of it happening again is hard to cope with. It is nearly impossible to deal with at times when I feel vulnerable, such as intimate examinations or times when I am undressed. The feeling of being exposed is what I struggle with the most as the rape left me feeling there is something wrong with my body.

I have had years of therapy, but the residual fear will never leave me, neither will the distrust. I need safe spaces so I can live my life. The only other option is never leaving home again and ignoring any intimate health problems (which if I'm honest I tend to anyway to stop the panic attacks associated with intimate examinations.)

If you have any key points I should add in, I would appreciate the input. I want the letter to hit home hard.

It is fresh in my mind as the smear was last week, and I am only just returning to some semblance of normal. I have also had a couple of other triggering events recently and am finding I need the safety of women only spaces more than ever. Any help is much appreciated and I'm happy to post the completed letter once I am finished.

OP posts:

Original poster

Stormwhale · 29/03/2018 10:02

I received a response today. It is not a good one. This mp is firmly on the other side.

OP posts:

Original poster

Stormwhale · 29/03/2018 10:09

The response. Not sure how i feel about the last paragraph.

I want to write a letter to my mp about how as a rape survivor i feel about self id

OP posts:

changeypants · 29/03/2018 15:24

is this the response to the long letter you shared with us previously? and they think "i am sorry to hear about the trauma you have experienced" is enough of a reply to the personal element to your letter?

who are they? when they read your letter they did not for one second try and empathise with your experience. they did not let it sit with them before bashing out a stock repsonse. they did not for one second imagine what it might have been like for you to even write that letter, let alone go through those experiences.

what the fuck do women have to do to actually be heard?

HairyBallTheorem · 29/03/2018 16:16

Storm.

That is an utterly shit response. What's the estimate? One in four of us likely to be raped or seriously sexually assaulted at some point in our lives, but violence against women is just collateral damage in the good fight for MPs to enable themselves to virtue-signal at the expense of their female constituents.

FWIW, I think your letter was very brave and eloquent.

Waddlelikeapenguin · 29/03/2018 16:27

storm

Your letter was amazing, powerful & brave the reply is pathetic, weak & cowardly.

I cant believe a real person read your letter & replied 'sorry to hear about the trauma you have experienced'

Stilettosandan0venglove · 29/03/2018 16:38

storm your letter was amazing, I'm sorry you got that cowardly, bullshit reply.

The mention of 'transphobic bullying' takes the bloody biscuit, as if that has any relevance to your letter.

He didn't answer your concerns in the slightest, didn't even make reference to them. It looks like a cut and paste job, toeing the party line. Your letter might get him thinking though, when he comes across more critical views. They build up and it can take a good few incidents to peak any of us. So it may yet do good. Do reply if you can stomach it.

changeypants · 29/03/2018 16:40

Storm I hope you are OK. I know it feels so gutting to lay your experiences bare only to be dismissed. I have still not plucked up the courage to write but I absolutely will do it. Seeing your bravery and the pathetic reply you received has galvanised me.

LongWeek · 29/03/2018 16:44

Storm I am so angry about that reply.
Your letter was amazing and deserved a proper response.

Other than the first line, that is an absolutely standard response. Cut & paste. The whole thing.

If I had put your letter and that response in front of my MP he would have ripped it up & been furious that a proper reply had not been thoughtfully and carefully drafted back to you.

I am ashamed to work for an MP today.

LongWeek · 29/03/2018 16:47

Actually, I think you should resend your letter.
With this addition- thank you for your standard response. I would like you to forward my letter to the secretary of state. I look forward to receiving a more substantive response from them.

OvaHere · 29/03/2018 16:53

Very sorry for that reply Storm.

Shameful that a cut and paste job was the best they could be bothered to muster up.

codswallopandbalderdash · 29/03/2018 16:54

If you felt brave enough, send your letter to other MPs (ideally from other political parties) and to Peers who have an interest in women's rights

LangCleg · 29/03/2018 16:57

Storm.

I wouldn't want to suggest you put yourself through any more stress than you already have. But I wouldn't blame you if you did reply asking for a forward to the Secretary of State together with a complaint that such a personal letter was given a template response.

greenlanes · 29/03/2018 19:08

I am so sorry that is what you received in reply. It is an absolute cut and paste job. Please, if you can, escalate.

I dont think anyone on this thread has any issue with someone fully transitioning. So yes, the Uk may be world leading for trans gender rights. But that is absolutely not the same as someone id'ing as a different gender and obtaining access to single sex spaces.

Original poster

Stormwhale · 29/03/2018 19:52

I'm ok. My stomach dropped when I received it, but I picked myself back up. I feel let down, and angry, but ok in myself. I'm struggling with some physical health issues at the minute, and a part of that is brain fog. I'm struggling to bring my thoughts together enough to write a reply today, but as soon as this lifts a bit I'm going to write a reply.

I did know this was a possibility as I received a similar cut and paste job in the past.

I am not very clued up about politics. This person is apparently the mp for my area. This person is a conservative mp, and the one that comes up when I search for who my mp is. Who else could I contact?

Sorry I'm struggling a bit today, feeling quite unwell physically. You may have to explain things to me as you would a monkey as my brain is not cooperating.

My reply will express my disappointment that the mp has not actually addressed any of my points. The rest I'm not sure of at the minute. Is escalating to the Secretary of state the standard procedure if your mp is useless?

OP posts:

LongWeek · 29/03/2018 20:39

Escalating to Secretary of State happens all the time- MPs often send stuff to a minister for their input/answer on a tricky subject.

You could also write to the opposite party in your area to see what the view of their candidate is.

If the MP won't send on to minister, you could write directly to Amber Rudd who is the minister. Your can send it to her at the House of Commons, with a covering note that it's cos she's minister for this area.

For anyone else reading- you can also do that.

codswallopandbalderdash · 30/03/2018 10:08

There are a number of All Party Parliamentary Groups that are issue based - from a quick search there is one established around women's health. I would send your letter to the chair of this group - details at

publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm/cmallparty/180314/womens-health.htm

There's also one on raising awareness of sexual violence towards women / girls - again i would contact the Chair

publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm/cmallparty/180314/sexual-violence.htm

Sorry my links don't seem to be working

codswallopandbalderdash · 30/03/2018 10:08

Oh links are working - sorry

TerfsUp · 30/03/2018 10:10

MsMcWoodle · 30/03/2018 12:09

What a shit reply. Is there some reason why we can't name the MPs who send these responses? There probably is, but I would like to know who they are.
All the best to you op. You are very brave.

Original poster

Stormwhale · 30/03/2018 13:55

Codswallop thank you that is a brilliant idea. I will happily send my letter to the chairs of both organisations with a copy of the response I have received.

I have come down with a bug so I will have to come back to this in a couple of days. I knew I didn't feel right yesterday, but today I feel bloody awful.

I'm not sure woodle, but I didn't want to risk legal action if there was some rule against naming the mp.

OP posts:

HairyBallTheorem · 30/03/2018 14:15

I don't think there's any rule against naming MPs, just that most of us choose not to because it outs where you live.

gallicgirl · 30/03/2018 14:27

I think you named him upthread. If it's the one I think you mean, he's local to me.

He's a self-serving yes-man Tory unfortunately. You might have received a better response if you'd offered him a photo opportunity and press coverage.

Thank you for being brave enough to address this issue with him.

Original poster

Stormwhale · 30/03/2018 14:40

Ah dear I didn't intend to name him, but I'm not that fussed about being outed. Hopefully anyone who knows me well enough to put two and two together with anything I post would not use it against me anyway. I don't tend to have enemies!

Gallic, that would go along with my experiences with him.

OP posts:

EmiliaAirheart · 01/04/2018 23:07

Chiming in late to say how fantastic your letter was, and you’re incredible. It’s bullshit that you received a standard words reply, and I hope that you have a better outcome if you escalate it or forward to other MPs.

Bloodmagic · 02/04/2018 00:14

You can add in a bit from me. Im nearly 6ft tall, i lift weights and i do krav maga. I have never been a victim or rape or sexual assault. And if i walked into a change room or bathroom and saw a male person in there id turn around and walk right back out. The fact is its simply not safe for any woman to be in an isolated room with a strange male. The statistics are in and have been for a long time. Some women may not leave the room, may claim they see no danger, but the fact is its there. And if walking in and seeing a man was a common thing i would have to stop using those facilities altogether. I would have to stop using the gym, the pool, and using public toilets (therefore stop being away from my home for more than a few hours at a time).

Even male doctors are required to have a female staff member present during certain procedures with female parients because its acknowledged as a matter of public policy that it is not safe for women to be vulnerable in the presence of unknown men.

Self ID is not "inclusive". Including males in female sex segretated spaces renders them unusable for the vast majority of women. It is exclusive of women. Its harmful and damaging to womens lives.

Flip

1 2 3