I want to write a letter to my mp about how as a rape survivor i feel about self id

[Stormwhale]

I will be including a descriptive section about my recent smear test, how I cried through the first 15 minutes of the appointment, then disassociated to get through it. I think I would have ended up admitted to a mental health ward if I had not had the choice of having a biological female doing the procedure. I will go into detail.

I will also be writing about my experiences with sexual harassment and violence from men. I will be stating how these incidents and the rape affect me day to day and how the safe spaces such as toilets, changing rooms, showers enable me to live my life as close to normal as possible.

I will be balanced and state that I know not all men are threats, but as a rape survivor the fear of it happening again is hard to cope with. It is nearly impossible to deal with at times when I feel vulnerable, such as intimate examinations or times when I am undressed. The feeling of being exposed is what I struggle with the most as the rape left me feeling there is something wrong with my body.

I have had years of therapy, but the residual fear will never leave me, neither will the distrust. I need safe spaces so I can live my life. The only other option is never leaving home again and ignoring any intimate health problems (which if I'm honest I tend to anyway to stop the panic attacks associated with intimate examinations.)

If you have any key points I should add in, I would appreciate the input. I want the letter to hit home hard.

It is fresh in my mind as the smear was last week, and I am only just returning to some semblance of normal. I have also had a couple of other triggering events recently and am finding I need the safety of women only spaces more than ever. Any help is much appreciated and I'm happy to post the completed letter once I am finished.

Thank you camper.

I'm going to email it to him tomorrow. I will let you know what the reply is like. Fingers crossed he actually reads it and doesn't just skim through and send back something vague and neutral.

Stormwhale that's a powerful, courageous letter and it gives a voice to many, many silenced women who share your experience

@stomwhale - it's a very powerful letter. I hope it has the impact you intend.

Unfortunately, only a few MPs routinely manage their own email; it will be seen by at least one member, if not more, of his staff in the Constituency and maybe in Westminster, too.

Depending on how the MP runs their office, the staff may draft a response for the MP to sign, or bring emails about specific issues to the MPs attention for a more personal response. Each does it differently, depending on their other Parliamentary commitments, but even a backbench MP from a small constituency is likely to get too much mail to read and respond to everything themselves.

If you want an individual response, then going to see your MP at one of their surgeries would be more effective, I think.

I feel a bit emotional at your responses to the letter. I think that rape takes your power, and it leaves you feeling anything but brave. I do feel brave now though. I have been going round and round in my head over how I can do something in this fight. I am not in a position to be able to influence a large group of people and I'm definitely not brave enough to do manfriday. At least this is something.

Storm - I think that is a brilliant letter and incredibly powerful. I take my hat off to you, I really do.

Matching, I would love to do that, but I am not able to talk about it in person like I can written down. On paper I can present a calm statement of facts. In person I will shake and cry if I try to talk about the rape to a stranger. I don't mind people knowing about it, I'm not ashamed anymore. I just find it hard to talk about.

Lang, i hope you didn't mind me nabbing your wording for the part you suggested. I just couldn't think of a better way to put it. Thank you for your input.

Of course not! Glad to be of (a tiny amount of) assistance!

I've just read a twitter thread in which Stella Creasy has actually engaged. Its difficult to follow well as the conversation forks off into different strands, so you have to click on each tweet and then look at the string that follows from it.

This seems to be the main strand:
twitter.com/stellacreasy/status/975432799359467520

What is utterly striking is just how out of touch Stella Creasy seems to be with everything women have been saying and has nothing to offer reassurance. She says that no one is trying to advocate for the removal of sex based exemption under the Equality Act, has no awareness what so ever of lesbians being told they should sleep with 'male lesbians', is utterly clueless about how this is impacting in real life on children and leaves them vulnerable and how this removes any level of safeguarding, says that there is no barrier nor ban on debate of the subject (except all the stuff about how a decision about AWS has already been made by Labour without one).

Some of her tweets are jaw dropping and painful in their ignorance or their integrity. I'm struggling to work out which.

An example
stellacreasy @stellacreasy
So someone who has transitioned you refuse to accept as a woman and use appropriate terms for? That’s not gaslighting ms holyoake, that’s just plain discrimination - not my words but what the equality act sets out as explicit example of prejudiced behaviour.

I'll just ask what exactly what are we calling 'transitioning' here? Noting that Self ID essentially removes transitioning!

She prattles on about how the current system reinforces gender stereotypes, but seems to think that self id will remove this somehow. (mind boggling here at this concept. what do you think 'being a woman' in the absence of biology actually involves?!).

I'm just stunned at the gap in what she saying and the lack of awareness of issues that women have raised time and again and how the law in practice would be so full of holes and open to abuse which she hasn't contemplated in any way. She has not thought beyond the end of her nose at all. How she has tweeted today, proves it beyond any doubt in my mind.

The fact she's utterly unaware (apparently) of the tripe being spouted by the Officer for the Transwomen of Rochester is staggering.
twitter.com/toofaass/status/975442923348045824

I honestly think given the level of Stella's understanding of the subject, the need for letters like yours Stormwhale to be sent to MPs - even if they reply with the unusual pre-approved dismissive stock reply - is absolutely essentially. Its the only way to drip, drip, drip some of this through into the thick heads of people 'so liberal their brains fell out'.

Please do send it. The debate needs this type of gut wrenching honesty and to show that the vulnerable people involved in this are not just trans.

I have to say that I think that people writing to MPs should perhaps include image screen shots of the type of things being said on twitter, which are particularly concerning or distressing or said by Labour Party members to illustrate a point. This is part of holding people to account and showing where concern is coming from.

It's an excellent, and heartrending letter.

I honestly think many people have simply not thought these issues through. I've been thinking a great deal of an elderly relative of mine who was raped aged 18 and remained fearful of men all her life. The only man she ever came to trust was my dad and that took years and years.

I often think how terrified she would have been to have found herself in, say, a hospital bed next to a male-bodied individual. I think she would have discharged herself there and then, and therefore effectively been denied the treatment she needed.

Thank you for putting yourself through the re-traumatising experience of writing the letter.

Sending love and solidarity.

Awesome stormwhale

Wow, well done, you are very brave OP.

Just a thought to give him more to think about. For your paragraph third from the end, you could add a link and maybe a line about how it's being abused in other countries with self-id.

There is a link for Christopher/Jessica somebody from Canada who committed sexual assault while being in a women's refuge. Does anyone have a good link?

Brilliant letter. I am working up to writing a similar one.

torontosun.com/2014/02/26/predator-who-claimed-to-be-transgender-declared-dangerous-offender/wcm/fc2c70f0-b1a1-41e2-85db-bec9d0012ce5/

Thank you Ereshkigal!

I did a bit of a search after I posted, but wasn't sure which link to provide. Think I'll add this one below just incase anyone thinks the comment section is valuable.

Maybe adding both to the letter if the OP does want to include an example of what has already happened, as the Toronto Sun will have weight as being 'recognized' IYKWIM and this link has comments from the public.

gendertrender.wordpress.com/2014/02/16/christopher-jessica-hambrook-serial-rapist-sexually-assaulted-and-terrorized-women-after-being-placed-in-toronto-area-womens-shelters/

Storm, that is a powerful moving letter. If it doesn't have impact then that is the fault of the reader. It is is beautifully put and you deserve an equally dignified supportive response.

That's an excellent letter, Stormwhale. It's shocking that you should have to try to get through to your MP in that way.

No1IronGirderRS - thank you for the story in canada. I have added in the link to the toronto sun in the letter and am sending it off by email now. I was concerned that although completely correct, the comments section of the other website came across as quite anti-trans, and i didn't want it to cause him to stop listening to my points.

Thank you so much for all the advice and input. I will update once i have received a response.

Stormwhale I work for an MP- I have seen a lot of emails that were very difficult for people to write, about some horrible situations.

Yours is very powerful, and you come across as amazingly strong in your reasonableness as to why you are concerned.

In our office, staff initially read emails, and draft a response, but the MPthen reads every single email, and the drafted response to check he's happy with it before signing it. Sometimes he rewrites the entire response.

For some emails, and yours would be one, our caseworker would discuss it with him, and a response would probably be jointly drafted as a priority.
In some cases, we invite people to come & talk to the MP in a surgery- but if the constituent says they don't want to do that it is totally accepted.

All MPs offices work differently, so I have no idea how your MP wil react. In our office we would be very impressed by your letter.
(My MP is against self ID though not stated it publicly as yet)

Stormwhale, that's a brilliant and powerful letter. Thank you for being brave enough to write it. If it doesn't give your MP pause for thought then I don't know what would.

That's really useful to know Longweek. I am planning to write a similar letter to my MP and to Women's Aid.

Bloody great letter Stormwhale

I was seriously assaulted by both a paediatrician and a gynae registrar when I was pregnant. I was also raped when I was a child. I’m not going for smear tests any more or breast screening when I’m old enough. The thought of some hairy arsed bloke having access to my body is revolting for me to think about let alone experience

Long - thank you so much for explaining how it works in your office. It gives me hope that the letter will be properly read and considered. I just hope they have a similar system to yours.

Areyouterfenough - I am so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry that you have been through that and I completely understand why you can't have smear tests done. I'm sorry some fucking cunts have done this to you.

Thank you all for the comments. The email is sent. There is no taking it back now!

It does feel a bit odd to be told my letter is powerful and I am brave. Rape takes your power, and ten years on I'm still trying to rebuild. Hopefully my letter will help those who haven't got this far yet.

Well done for sending it, Stormwhale. That was a wonderfully courageous thing to do.