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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Was I the R worded

35 replies

Hally3 · 17/03/2018 18:24

This seems a really odd thing to post, I'm sure. But it's been eating at me for a long time. Im 38. Everytime I read an article about rape, I wonder if i was a victim. Was I?

When I was 15 i was taken on a French exchange by my mum, to stay with a French family she had known in her youth. The boy, my exchange, and i, didn't much like each other. He was 2 or 3 years older than me. One evening the family had a party and we drank lots. He took me back to his room for a cigarette and I just felt so ill, after all the alcohol, I just wanted to lie down. I tried to fight him off, and eventually gave up, hence my question. He had sex with me and I was disgusted and just too weak to bother fighting. I made it back to my room a few hours later. I told my mum what had happened and she said I was being a fool and that she had fought off his father at the same age. The next morning I had to have breakfast with him and his family. I felt beyond terrible, speaking no French really, I stared at my plate. We had to spend the rest of the week there, and I feel that from that day my confidence was robbed from me. Am i being melodramatic? I've never bothered to bring it up with my mother again as she got so angry with me. I was drunk but awake. I could have fought harder. Was i raped or was i just weak??

OP posts:
Hally3 · 17/03/2018 18:25

Thanks for your reolies

OP posts:
MrsWooster · 17/03/2018 18:26

You were raped.

IStillMissBlockbuster · 17/03/2018 18:28

Not that I think rape and theft are equivalent, but if he had taken your wallet, against your wishes and when you were too weak to fight off anymore, would you think you were robbed or just weak?

LastOneDancing · 17/03/2018 18:28

You know the answer to this OP x
Yes, you were raped.
Your mum really let you down here.

IStillMissBlockbuster · 17/03/2018 18:29

He knew what he was doing and he raped you. I am sorry op.

transcendentphobic · 17/03/2018 18:29

Definitely not weak. I'd say you were raped.

corlan · 17/03/2018 18:30

That's rape. I'm sorry it happened to you.

CapnHaddock · 17/03/2018 18:32

You were raped. I'm so sorry and even sorrier that your mum dismissed your assault

PositivelyPERF · 17/03/2018 18:33

You were raped and your mother knew this little arsehole’s father was a potential rapist, yet took you into that house. I’m disgusted with your mother for taking you into the bone of an attempted rapist and at her response afterwards. It didn’t matter if you were drunk, he had no right to force sex on you.

Hally3 · 17/03/2018 18:37

You are making me cry tears of relief for some reason I don't understand. Thank you xx

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CertainHalfDesertedStreets · 17/03/2018 18:39

Because you've been blaming yourself and this is the first step to stopping? Please do. Your mother failed you badly at least three times in this.

Hally3 · 17/03/2018 18:48

I feel really confused towards my mother. I think she has been a bad mother in many ways, but voicing it seems awful. We have a nice family who do Sunday lunches and things. But looking back, this was precisely when I went from a happy, popular, confident girl, to an utter nose dive in every area - education even. I'm ok now, in a happy, yet now sex free relationship with a wonderful man. TBH I think I'm messed up about sex, after this i get so so tense, but I'm better than I was. Gosh. Writing it makes it seem such a mess.

OP posts:
ReluctantCamper · 17/03/2018 19:00

Flowers . I'm sorry this happened to you.

CircleSquareCircleSquare · 17/03/2018 19:02

You were indeed raped and I’m so sorry.
These moments in our lives and if we are believed are so damaging.
Would you consider counselling?

QueenLaBeefah · 17/03/2018 19:04

You were raped.

I'm sorry this happened to you and I'm sorry your mum reacted like a total arse.

transcendentphobic · 17/03/2018 19:04

Letting this out in any way is therapeutic.
Really sorry you went through this Flowers

LangCleg · 17/03/2018 19:07

You're not being melodramatic. You were raped and your mother should shoulder some of the blame for it. It wasn't your fault then. And it is not your fault now that you still carry trauma because of it.

And if, even this many years on, you think you might need to talk to someone about it, Rape Crisis is on:

0808 802 9999 (12-2:30 and 7-9:30)

It doesn't matter that it was a long time ago. It doesn't matter that you might just want someone on the other end of the line to listen for five minutes. Call if you think it might help.

Flowers
PatchworkElmer · 17/03/2018 19:07

You were raped. And badly let down by your Mum. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

Hally3 · 17/03/2018 19:12

Wow posting my little thing, gosh, i had no idea how much better it would make me feel. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I'm so glad I posted and yes I shall ring that number when the OH isn't around xxxxx

OP posts:
AskBasil · 17/03/2018 19:15

You were raped and your mother let you down very, very badly.

Please call that number. Once you say it out loud, it's incredible how freeing it is.

Flowers
hipsterfun · 17/03/2018 19:16

Yes, and I’m sorry.

I think you’d benefit from working it through with a specialist counsellor.

Don’t let confused feelings about your mother and wanting to preserve the nice family image get in the way of getting some help, if you want it.

SweetGrapes · 17/03/2018 19:44

You were raped. He had sex with you against your will. That's rape. He probably knew exactly what he was doing.

So sorry for you. Please do talk it through with a good councellor and work through your feelings. Flowers

UpstartCrow · 17/03/2018 20:10

Sometimes we need to hear it from someone else. We believe you. You are not being melodramatic.

Hally3 · 17/03/2018 20:25

Thank you. Those words "we believe you" really mean the world. Xx

OP posts:
DorothyBastard · 17/03/2018 20:28

I’m so sorry you were raped Flowers

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