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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Was I the R worded

35 replies

Hally3 · 17/03/2018 18:24

This seems a really odd thing to post, I'm sure. But it's been eating at me for a long time. Im 38. Everytime I read an article about rape, I wonder if i was a victim. Was I?

When I was 15 i was taken on a French exchange by my mum, to stay with a French family she had known in her youth. The boy, my exchange, and i, didn't much like each other. He was 2 or 3 years older than me. One evening the family had a party and we drank lots. He took me back to his room for a cigarette and I just felt so ill, after all the alcohol, I just wanted to lie down. I tried to fight him off, and eventually gave up, hence my question. He had sex with me and I was disgusted and just too weak to bother fighting. I made it back to my room a few hours later. I told my mum what had happened and she said I was being a fool and that she had fought off his father at the same age. The next morning I had to have breakfast with him and his family. I felt beyond terrible, speaking no French really, I stared at my plate. We had to spend the rest of the week there, and I feel that from that day my confidence was robbed from me. Am i being melodramatic? I've never bothered to bring it up with my mother again as she got so angry with me. I was drunk but awake. I could have fought harder. Was i raped or was i just weak??

OP posts:
InLoveWithDavidTennant · 17/03/2018 20:35

I cant add anything new but also sorry this happened.

You are not alone. Ive been there as im sure others here have been too Flowers

IndominusRex · 17/03/2018 21:23

So many of us have experiences that we get on and cope with at the time and only realise the horror years later. Thinking of you Hally Flowers

Waddlelikeapenguin · 17/03/2018 23:38

You were raped, I am so sorry this happened to you. It is not your fault Flowers

Your mother seriously failed in her duty to protect & support you.

notanurse2017 · 17/03/2018 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wrappedupinmyselflikeaspool · 18/03/2018 11:06

So sorry this happened to you. It is such a relief to say it out loud. You might find this is an ongoing process. You may even find you can start to use the word raped to describe what happened to you. I couldn’t even hear that word for a long time.

Know that there are people who understand and are on your side. You were very badly let down by your parents and by the boy that raped you. Well done, you survived.

Don’t let anyone tell you this didn’t happen to you, or belittle and undermine you, or minimise the effect, or blame you. You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone else. Flowers

TERFousBreakdown · 18/03/2018 11:41

Yes, you were raped! Sorry this happened to you! Flowers

FWIW, and although that doesn't make it better in any way, shape or form, you're not alone. Many of us have experienced similar episodes. I certainly have, as has almost any female friend I've spoken to about my own experiences. And just like you, we only arrive at the rape conclusion much later on if ever.
This should tell us all something about just how very prevalent rape really is!

TallulahWaitingInTheRain · 18/03/2018 12:29

I'm so sorry thar happened to you Hally Flowers

smithsinarazz · 18/03/2018 12:54

Much love sweetie.
Your mum did let you down, but we all absorb messages from our culture, even if they're all wrong. She was a victim too, because she didn't know that she had a right not to be assaulted, and therefore she didn't know you had that right, either. You were raped. So very sorry. Xx

Hally3 · 18/03/2018 13:08

Thanks all. Yes my mum was a victim too; I guess so I should not be angry with her. And you're right, it is very, very common xx

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 18/03/2018 15:52

Flowers I believe you

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