Modelling gender equality in the family

[FrannyAndZooeyGlass]

I am a feminist. As is my DH.

I work full time, he is at home with the DC. He does the shopping, the laundry, the cleaning, the cooking. I earn money.

But tonight we arrived at a chalet in the French Alps for a week of skiing and as we drove in to the car park, we drove over a nail and the tyre started losing air.

And on automatic pilot, I started wrangling the kids inside, unpacking suitcases and making beds. He stayed outside to sort out the tyre.

Made me think that we conform to traditional gender roles despite thinking that we don't!

Can anyone in a heterosexual couple - hand on heart - say in this situation they would have assumed their DH would make the beds whilst they sorted the flat tyre?

Just interested.

Nope. I cannot get the locking nuts off. Ever. Most times dh can’t either mind you but he’s the car adult.
I’m the camping and fire adult though (which is often a male role).
In Spain I’d be sent to a garage though as my language skills are better (we’re both shit at French).

That is a bit over the top isnt it? Sometimes being male or being a female means you are better suited to certain things, sometimes people conform to gender stereotypes and sometimes they dont. Men and women are not the same but thats not to say they are not equal, its nothing to do with gender equality if we wanted true equality then we would have mixed sports and changing rooms.
My DH would change the tyre because he is stronger than me and the more experianced driver/car owner not because he has a penis, that dosnt mean we are not modelling gender equality in the family.

My DH changed to tyre during the week as I have a shoulder injury. It's no biggie. I filled the scooshers

Can anyone in a heterosexual couple - hand on heart - say in this situation they would have assumed their DH would make the beds whilst they sorted the flat tyre?

I would, but that’s about our particular skills - he only started driving fairly recently; I grew up on a farm and am pretty handy with that sort of thing.

We are like you, but we do have our ‘things’ where we revert to stereotype without even thinking. We’re all conditioned to a certain extent....

Nope as I'd have no idea how. I don't even drive and he has been driving and owning cars for over 30 years.

I would take the easiest option. Luckily, I think more quickly than dh, so that tends to work well for me.

Do and I would have both been flapping and fussing because we are equally clueless when it comes to cars!

Nope. A flat tyre is definitely a ‘blue ticket’ job.

We share the housework and all associated tasks equally and fairly, but I know my limitations. A flat tyre needs more brawn than I can muster.

Neither of us would have a clue. We'd probably end up figuring it out together while shouting at each other! Or calling roadside assistance...

In the end we did call roadside assistance!
But even so, I am inside making beans on toast for the DC whilst DH is outside waiting for the "dépanneur" 😉

My ex was hopeless with cars - I was the spare tyre changer. (In fact - student days - our first car was his parents' cast-off. When we picked it up from them, his dad took us out to it, looked at him, looked at me, then said "Hairy, let me show you where the oil, radiator top up etc. are..." )

Can anyone in a heterosexual couple - hand on heart - say in this situation they would have assumed their DH would make the beds whilst they sorted the flat tyre?

I have never changed a tyre. He has maybe a couple of times. We would most likely call some one else.

Neither of us do any diy and up until recently all house cleaning was done by a cleaner. He now only works part time so now deals with it. I don't do any housework. Neither of us do the garden which is looked after by a gardener.

Making up beds / changing duvets was always done by my husband. In the situation of a holiday home I might make a half hearted attempt to help but would be so bad at it he would do it himself.

Absolutely not. I believe my husband and I are totally equal in our relationship but we have different roles and responsibilities. Not lesser roles just different. I have no desire whatsoever to change a flat tyre Iin the freezing cold. Just as he is physically stronger so fetches the logs in, puts bins out and (being less bothered by furry creatures than me) baits the rat boxes around the garden perimeter. I am a much better cook, so I cook. Some things like laundry we both do. I’m not bothered about the perception that we have very traditional marriage and roles. I know I have absolute respect and an acceptance that any major decisions are made jointly with equal voice.

I married a burly engineer. He changes tyres (or calls the RAC)
this has meant that over time I have got less capable at this type of thing as we might as well play to our strengths. But I am definitely the go to person for undoing tiny knots and sorting out fiddly things.

I would. I'm the practical/technical/D.I.Y. person in our house.

Nope. I don't know how to sort out a tyre as I don't drive etc. DP has experience with cars having worked in a garage briefly.

Aside from being unlikely to be in the ski holiday situation, yes it would be reversed in our family ( not sue dh's would have made the beds ( bad back) but he would have sorted dc and I would have sorted tyre.

Neither of us would do it - we’ve both tried before and while we know the theory, the practice is that you can never get the sodding nuts off. So we’d call roadside assistance and both wrangle the kids in.

It is really important I think to model good equality for our kids, however...Equality doesn’t mean that every single action has to be done the ‘right’ way. The overall balance over the years is probably more important.

Dh has just made the bed for me as I’m pregnant and it’s my least favourite task ;)

Nope. That would be me packing kids inside / unpacking bags and him dealing with the car.
He always does the car stuff (his dad's a mechanic), puts shelves up, does DIY. But he also does the lions share of cooking and housework as I work full time & he is primary carer.

It would be me changing the tyre, I don't think DH has ever done one, whereas I changed my first tyre in a supermarket carpark for my mother when I was 14. I have also done car maintenance classes. (But in UK I would call the recovery people.)

No but that would be because I know fuck all about tyres-more or less don't drive but he has loads of experience driving, fixing up cars etc. I never even saw my parents do it-they botheould call roadside assist for flat tyres. It's not always about gender you know.

I do the flat packs though. That's something that my parents did teach me-he's hopeless with them somehow.

I'd assume I would be changing the tyre. I've always been more that way inclined, plus I've lived alone for years so both roles are normal for me. And I've found that in any relationship I'm nearly always the one who is better at the practical male jobs, unless I'm just directing their greater strength if the job requires it.

I'm now single, but have been married and divorced twice. Neither of my ex-husbands could drive a car, far less change a tyre!

I know how to do it, but I have roadside assistance and would phone them.

I see what you are saying. But I don't necessarily think its a bad thing. My ex was a fantastic cook, we had a cleaner and thought nothing of it. Neither of us would be particularly good at making beds - its a task I personally have a deep dislike of, but equally I could change a tyre if need be.