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Original poster

Manspreading - how to challenge

67 replies

RoderickRules · 19/02/2018 16:09

I was so cross this morning to see this on the train.
Six seats, three women, one man taking up too much space. Woman top left could not move her leg forward without connecting with his boot.
I really wanted to say something.
What would be a reasonable thing to say?
I didn’t speak as it wasn’t my leg bent up.

OP posts:
Njordsgrrrl · 20/02/2018 06:13

Agreed r.e male dominance. Anyone else ever tried the not getting out of men's paths in busy places? Make eye contact and don't swerve for them. It's actually pretty terrifying. I'm quite petite but they're brutal in their determination to stay on course.

IndominusRex · 20/02/2018 06:29

I woman spread now. It annoys men no end. Especially when I'm taller than them, on the train first, and yet refuse to make space for them.

IndominusRex · 20/02/2018 06:30

Yes I do the not getting out the way thing too. Realising that was genuinely a lightbulb moment.

TheGoldenBough · 20/02/2018 07:12

I started resisting the subtle displays of male dominance simply by 'owning my space'. Most men just seem confused. I haven't had anyone challenge me but they don't know what to do because they're so used to women just 'allowing' them.

I've also watched them definitely not do the same to men.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 20/02/2018 07:15

I just womanspread back. Years of horseriding has given me thighs of steel.

HotelEuphoria · 20/02/2018 07:25

I also womanspread. I think I terrified the 16-17 year old boy sat next to me on a 12 hour flight when I did it. Not only did I have his knees in my limited space but he had both elbow rests and his fucking rucksack by my feet to keep his own leg space free. I think he shit himself when a mad fifty year old rubbed knees with him and kicked his rucksack back.

Said something in German to his mum sat behind and they swapped places.

I no longer move to the side when I meet a man headlong in a shopping aisle either. Most women automatically apologise and smile and move left or right. Men just walk through you. I do it back now and if we bang against each other so be it.

Am I losing it?

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 20/02/2018 07:52

Having spent years commuting on SW Trains I can say with some confidence that for every inconsiderate ‘man spreader’ there is a women ‘bag spreader’ who has no issue parking her large handbag on the seat next to her while innocently staring out the window as fellow passengers stand in the aisle. Both behaviours are inconsiderate and selfish.

Njordsgrrrl · 20/02/2018 07:53

Yay, I'm not the only one. Agree it's usually confusion. Entitlement if you will. Maybe we're used to seeing things from the perspective of smaller people who are vulnerable and they just don't. XBF was a foot taller and had a real lightbulb moment once thinking about how my experience of crowds at a gig was totally different from his as his head was above most people's and he could navigate easily etc

treaclesoda · 20/02/2018 07:55

I get irritated by women putting their bags on the seat but I just ask them to move it so that I can sit down and they always do.

Manspreading is more difficult because it happens when you are actually sitting right next to the person and they are physically trying to intimidate you into giving them some of your space. I usually just plant my foot firmly at the edge of my space and refuse to budge. It seems to surprise them.

sportinguista · 20/02/2018 07:59

You could say: "Testicular Elephantiasis must be a really distressing condition to have but could you budge up a bit"

I agree you do have to refuse to budge though.

treaclesoda · 20/02/2018 08:05

I once entered into a conversation about this on Facebook. Where a male tried to educate me about how uncomfortable it was for him to sit with his legs together. I asked him how he felt about the fact that I, and many women, have spent our lives sitting scrunched up and twisted in our seats, which hurts my back. Sometimes after a bus trip in the morning my back would hurt all day. (Not any more, because I don't let it happen, unless the man is just so much stronger than me that I can't help it). His response was that it sounded unpleasant but really couldn't be compared with the discomfort of sitting with his legs together. I asked outright if a man feeling mild discomfort was worse than a woman feeling actual pain and he said yes, men shouldn't have to experience discomfort just to save women from pain. He was apparently deadly serious too. Hmm It's subtle things like that that really alerted me to how some men don't view women as even being worth considering. Angry

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 20/02/2018 08:27

treaclesoda

That sounds like a prat.

There is an argument to made that it is uncomfortable for a man to sit with his knees firmly together, your balls can get squashed. However, for comfort you only need five or six inches gap, i.e. keeping well within the width of a standard train seat. Blokes who insist on maintaining their legs at a 90 degree angle ‘for comfort’ reasons are in equal measure deluded and utterly inconsiderate.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 20/02/2018 08:53

That's not very subtle treaclesoda :)

This man isn't sitting with his legs apart, so squished balls isn't the issue.
If anything, he's squishing them more by having his legs crossed!
Plenty of men cross their legs, like women often do. It takes up less space in general so should be encouraged.
In this case, looks like you are all squashed together, so he could sit with legs and knees together, which is probably the best option for everyone really.

Freshlylaidterf · 20/02/2018 09:02

Anyone else ever tried the not getting out of men's paths in busy places? Make eye contact and don't swerve for them. It's actually pretty terrifying. I'm quite petite but they're brutal in their determination to stay on course
I do this all the time. Yes scarey and sometimes have been winded as they have bumped into me but totally worth it.

Original poster
RoderickRules · 20/02/2018 09:23

Njordsgrrrl I have done this and been slammed. Manslamming
I googled it to see what it was. I’ve been hurt by it.
I noticed this when my two children were small, that men would expect me and my tots to move over so they didn’t have to take a step to the side.

Deydoo this was definitely not a more considerate way to sit! He had a whole empty seat to man spread on. The woman whose space he was in could not have her leg in a normal position because he was in the space. And the free space. He was completely stretched out to the tip of his toe.
Surely anyone with a shred of decency would move?

OP posts:
Njordsgrrrl · 20/02/2018 14:11

Not just me then, thanks. These examples are horrible and yes OP that man is a selfish prick.

TheGoldenBough · 20/02/2018 14:18

I think the best one I had was standing in a narrow part of a pub that is only 2 people wide with no extra space.

It's a real pain because men won't say "excuse me", they put their hand on you and exert pressure on your shoulder/hip to move you out of their way.

Once I realised, I decided not to allow it and the first time a man tried moving me like this, I resisted. He tried it again and I resisted again. He just stood there. Like he couldn't work out what to do. And then he tapped the man who was also blocking his way on the shoulder and said, "excuse me".

It took him a while to work out what to do and didn't consider just saying excuse me to me.

Was really interesting.

Neither the other man nor I were facing him.

OldmanOfTheWeb · 20/02/2018 14:27

If he's on your side, just say something. But speaking as a male I am a LOT more comfortable with my legs apart than together which feels very unnatural to me. So unless I'm actually taking up someone else's seat that's how I sit.

EmpressOfJurisfiction · 20/02/2018 14:30

My best one ever was a man mansplaining manspreading GrinGrinGrin

There was some politics programme on & a bloke sitting with his legs spread. Mansplainer says to me "Ah now that's called powerspreading & it's to show his dominance."

"Really?" I said. "On public transport it's known as manspreading & men do it to show their rudeness."

Silence.

Laughter.

You can guess which response came from which sex....

SeaRabbit · 20/02/2018 14:49

I use my bag to shift their legs back to where they should be.

I used to ask politely for them to move their legs, which usually worked, but once got the reply 'it's not gonna happen' - so I moved to sit opposite ManSpreader. Funnily enough when a man came and sat in my old seat, ManSpreader's legs snapped together. I smirked at him.

Now I try to sit next to women when I can - so neither of us risks being manspread.

I do try to remember to hold my ground on pavements too.

Contesse · 20/02/2018 14:57

I womanspread back and deliberate bang their knees. Have also tried the not getting out of the way thing- they look so weirded out by it.
Also, in the sauna of the swimming pool I go to, men tend to take the better seats in the top row. When that's full you just sit below etc. One time, the top row was filled with women. A man came in and his face registered a combination of bafflement and outrage. Instead of just sitting somewhere else, he made everyone shuffle over for him. Rage.

viques · 20/02/2018 15:01

Another one who holds her ground on pavements too, I refuse to move for people who walk and text (wexting?) I keep going. It is not my responsibility to make sure their pathway is clear.

GraceMarks · 20/02/2018 15:23

I went out for a half-hour walk this lunchtime and I was literally barged to one side three separate times by men who apparently didn't see me until they'd shoved into me - and sometimes not even then. This is a consequence of being middle aged and overweight, I suppose. You're not worth noticing if you're not fanciable. I would like to stand my ground and make them realise what they're doing, but I have arthritis and brittle bones so I don't really want to be knocked over as a matter of principle...

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 20/02/2018 15:33

I have to admit that I don't walk round people who are walking head down staring at phone when they expect everyone to part like the Red Sea in front of them.
They tend to stop dead when they finally see my feet underneath their phone

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 20/02/2018 15:34

I'm going to try Pavement Chicken next time I'm out...