Many years ago, when I realised I had a problem with the idea and concept of childbirth, it lead me down a path of worthlessness and questioning my value and role as a woman.
From many years I was hostile to the idea of having children. I knew I didn't want them. They were repellent to be and I couldn't bear to be around them.
At this point I realised it wasn't the problem I thought and I looked around actively for explanations and solutions. And this is where it starts to get murky.
You unconsciously start with an idea in your head and you look for things to prove it. This isn't necessarily healthy, and I was aware of this.
But getting information thats unbiased in this area is damn near impossible. There is a substantial amount of ideological basis on display from within the medical profession. Not only that, but it soon became apart to me that educated people who were supposed to understand statistics and routinely translate data for laymen were incapable of doing so because they made the most basic of mistakes when it came to methodology and comparing different groups. Rarely were ideas about things outside the scope of a study which might make a study fundamentally flawed even identified. Correlation was too frequently labelled causation and simply repeated the ideology belief that the study sort to prove.
It was riddled with bad science.
What I found out during my experience was it was too easy to become emotionally submerged in it all and lose all sight of objectivity. You had to consciously step back outside of it all and remove your own feelings.
What I discovered was pretty much all the data had some sort of flaw on both sides. But you could piece together patterns and different common themes. And indeed causes. They were complex in nature and very individual. Risks in one group were not the same as the risk in a slightly different group. You had to think about which risks might apply to you and then look at the worst possible outcomes from all scenarios.
Above all else, it required you to start being honest with yourself - and no one else - about what exactly was the problem and what individual elements bothered you most. You had to pick it all apart bit by bit rather than treating it as a singular problem with a simple singular solution. And acknowledge that even then this wasn't necessarily going to go to plan. You could not control it, you could only be at peace with your decision. You had to confront that slither of doubt and be able to cohesively reply to criticism, not for others benefit but to be honest with yourself. Mantras don't satisfy that. They merely suppress fear, criticism and inner doubts.
Your outcome wasn't for you to impose on otherwise either as problems in this area unique to everyone. You couldn't treat it as a problem which produced an identity common to everyone.
The things that were most problematic to this is some respects were groups which advocated a method and/or solution above addressing the building blocks which formed the unique make up of the problem.
Natural birth advocates and pro-cs advocates had the same deep flaws. Some to a greater or lesser extent. The communities that built up around these movements were not helpful and didnt necessarily serve the interests of everyone they claimed to serve. Indeed some were out right harmful or damaging to certain individuals because of the particular nature of their problem.
By a stroke of luck I happened upon an article written by someone who had to do something more than most midwives, ironically by virtue of being male. Basically he listened more than espousing his own views on others. It allowed those women to unpick it all and to start to take control of elements in their lives which were not working with regard to their relationship between the physical and the mental.
He personally has a strong belief in the merits of natural childbirth, but realises that not everyone fits this model and that championing a method before individually tailored care which respected women and their experience and recognised the value of them was paramount. Pressure or social influence of any kind was simply at the very best unhelpful and at worst actively harmful.
I see so many common patterns here.
The science surrounding this, is bollocks. All of it. Bits of it demonstrate certain possibilities but nothing is anywhere near conclusive. Its flawed and too often its coming back to use of language and agendas. Researchers are being handicapped by ideology restricting them. They can not prove, nor disprove anything conclusively.
This is something that sets off alarm bells in my head, and should in even the most pro-trans person. How can you advocate something you have such little real understanding of and not have an honesty and desire to pursue it? In order to prove something you need to be self critical and look for alternative explanations and solutions.
Mermaids also falls foul of method before individuals. Anyone worth half their salt would be talking about positive outcomes in a range of different scenarios and with different methods. Because so few things in life have simple singular solutions, particularly when it comes to anything that has a medical role in it, purely because side effects affect people in such vastly different ways and individual experiences mean people have different coping strategies. Instead its stressing the negativity about if they aren't given influence and power. The combination of mental health and negativity in this way is potentially toxic because it has the power to become self fulfilling in those who are vulnerable. If there is a problem with suicide, then there should not be anything near that tone being used to promote their agenda. It is playing into insecurity and playing power games to serve it own agenda rather than serve individuals.
Not only this but its healthy to have multiple support structures rather than encourage a single community and identity around a medical experience or condition. People are not singular in identities and experiences. Its a retreat into this that makes people potentially less able to cope with outside challenges.
This is where it becomes cult like and indeed makes it open to abuse and harm to those who don't quite fit that particular model by individuals who might see it as an opportunity to exploit vulnerable people.
Mermaids reflects the worst elements, traits and flaws of all of these issues that I faced in the exploration of something which was fundamental to my identity and being and how I fitted into wider society.
That single tweet embodies so much about its flaws and despite its brevity reveals a great deal.
Multiplicity and discussion is essential to those in situations like this. You can not escape your own reality.