I love how these sons have honoured their mother and sister.
I think much much more needs to be done at a school level - teaching children about violence and violence about women and relationships. Teaching people about respectful relationships. Also letting people understand how society often condones and promotes abuse. Also giving people insight into the lengths that controlling abusers will go to if they feel sleighed.
Leaving an abuser can be extremely dangerous for the victim.
I was able to listen to Lundy Bancroft about this and so much fell into place for me.
I have an extremely violent, sickening and abusive brother and I am amazed at how he has friends or people in social media who give him support. His abuse really got bad when my father died and I was vulnerable at my home.
He is extremely manipulative. I am estranged from him and he has made out to people that I don't care about my family that he did a lot of me etc and etc.
Random people will slag me off on social media for example because my brother promotes himself is caring and wonderful etc and because I don't see my mother (because this would put me into a violent situation). He is also a women hater so he will say something sexist and depraved and then he will say he is a great guy because he helped so and so and people encourage him and so on.
Abusers often twist and garner support from other powerful people - people who don't want to make a fuss, people who want to believe the best in people. For example my brother is seen as respectable to some and just a strong man. He has ripped off people financially and destroyed their lives.
When I distanced myself from my abusive brother he would contact my work, contact my future in laws, turn up at my university, try to ruin my life and I would live in fear it was the unknown. I was so lucky I didn't have dependents and that I had some financial independence.
He still occasionally contacts me and leaves abusive messages on my phone - so he does find it ways to contact me now and then.
I now believe when I first distanced myself from him it was the most dangerous time.
It was my decent amazing future in laws who had some experience of abusive men who really helped me understand just how dangerous my brother was - it was incredible the lengths I had to go to to ensure privacy and distance.
Elaborate things to outwit him.
My now FIL took time off from his work and rented and paid for me to be in a safe apartment (all in FIL's name almost like a safe house so I was hiding in plain sight so that my brother could not find me. FIL also helped me get a new job). In the end I moved countries.
Some people thought my FIL was being dramatic in his support and how carefully we played the game. But how when I read about terrible tragedies I consider myself very very lucky.