''She must have provoked him, he was such a nice guy.'' Media reporting of men who kill their wives.

[irretating]

www.theguardian.com/society/2017/jun/17/we-didnt-recognise-that-he-was-dangerous-our-father-killed-our-mother-and-sister?CMP=fb_gu

The sons of Clair Hart, the woman who was murdered by her husband 5 days after leaving him, have spoken out about the way the media talks about men who kill. Her daughter Charlotte was also murdered.

It is a common theme in reporting of these cases, she must have done something to deserve it, maybe she had an affair, he loved her too much and this was his way of showing it.

An interesting point raised is does this style of reporting provide tacit permission to other would-be wife murderers that it's ok and justified to murder ones spouse. That it's normal to do so.

From the article.

He had recently searched for articles about men who murder their wives. One Google search read: “how many men kill their wives”. “I think he wanted to feel he wasn’t being different,

A different case but a few years ago a local woman was murdered, her body was found first and several days later her partner was arrested. I still remember the comments on the local newspaper which reported on it, ''I wonder what she did to him to make him snap'''. Again the newspaper was ''nice guy, quiet, totally unexpected'' etc etc.

So it was deydo. A violent man but not a family annihilator, I've misremembered it. Described as "troubled" by all his family - I wonder what that actually meant?

And, IIRC, there was a bit of speculation in the press about the relevance of his recent separation from his wife as a contributing factor in his murderous actions.

A heartbreaking case (yet another one). But every time I read about it I think that Claire Hart did a great job raising those boys - well, young men. So maybe there is hope for the future.

I've always had a slightly different take on this. I think people tend to want to downplay these events because of fear. It is easier to say something must have triggered this usually "quiet" man because admitting that men can be violent and regularly murder their partners is too scary to admit to. After all, many of us have men in our lives that we want to trust. Men themselves want to think they won't end up being like that too.

its just easier to say that the woman did something, or he had a mental breakdown or he drank too much rather than admit he was a vicious man - because maybe you know a man who is sometimes vicious too.

I'm clearly not suggesting that any of this is right - but it might not be a deliberate act to downplay, but more of a natural reaction to something that scares us.

Soph, that case is unusual because nobody really said he was a nice guy at all, which is rare.
I think many of these monsters do appear to be nice guys to neighbours and acquaintances. I don't think they're making excuses when they say the "seemed" like a nice guy.