What am I? Confused and interested.

[confusedhelpme]

I have never considered myself a feminist.

But what am I?

I am fiercely independent. I am financially stable. I have always worked. I am a lone parent (father never been around). I believe woman should of course vote and I have my own political views.

I bring my son up to respect everyone.

I hate the thought of relying on a man for happiness.

However, I want a man to open a door for me, I still open doors for my elders.

I think I'm rather confused!

Just interested to know if I am actually a feminist or I've NO idea what I am talkng about

In my view if you believe in equality for women then you're a feminist. Expecting a man to be polite to you doesn't change that. If you would find it strange to hold a door open for a man because it's a man's job - then that's just weird.

To me you sound like a normal, decent, hardworking, human being.

I think you're a feminist if you consider yourself one (unless you believe in shitting on other woman or looking down on them for making different choices to you)

*disclaimer I too have no idea what I'm talking about, but plenty of people on this board do

You are a feminist with manners

I wouldn't look down on anyone male or female for making different choices to me.

I'll give an example of the "holding the door open" this is probably really a bad example!

Remember when T May went to the USA and she met with Trump .... they walked down some stairs and he took her hand?

Well I thought oh look he's steadying her as she goes down the step .....

Everyone else was like WTF .....

Maybe that is a terrible example

I’m a feminist. I’m also a married SAHM. DH opens doors and carries heavy bags for me.

These aren’t the things that decide if you’re a feminist.

Do you believe women should have rights equal to men? Then you’re a feminist.

I have never considered myself a feminist

I've noticed lots of women saying this..or prefixing a statement with.."I'm no feminist but..."

It irritates me. There's an assumption made about feminists that they are scared to be associated with. There's also the social conditioning that says women shouldn't stand up for themselves or challenge the patriarchy therefore women don't want to identify as a feminist.

Sorry if I'm not expressing myself particularly well...I just find it a strange thing to say. Surely everyone believes in equality?

"Remember when T May went to the USA and she met with Trump .... they walked down some stairs and he took her hand?

Well I thought oh look he's steadying her as she goes down the step .."

That's a curious example, because from what I read, Trump has a fear of stairs and was taking her hand as a way of supporting himself rather than the other way around.

I think it's common courtesy to hold doors open for others, male or female.

The Trump thing - I didn't think anything of this either way. I kind of assumed that one or the other felt unsteady so stuck a hand out and the other automatically grabbed it as an instinctive reaction. I was crossing a busy road with a friend who put her hand out as a mum often will and I took it. It wasn't until we got across that we realised that we'd done that - the kids weren't with us!

As others have said, you're a feminist if you think men and women should have equal rights. It took me a while to decide I was a feminist (I was unsure because of the bad publicity feminism received when I was younger and I didn't think all men are bastards) and I did a bit of reading before I decided I definitely am.

Look at it another way. do you think women are inferior to men, or should be treated as if they are? If not, then you are a feminist.

You dont have to be identical to any of the other feminists. Be yourself and do your own thing.

I think AnyFucker has it - you're a feminist with manners.

(Again, the Trump example - I think May was played. He turned on the "slightly unsteady old man act" - what was she supposed to do? Let him possibly fall to the ground? Of course she steadied him. And he got his photo-op. It's a version of the game he plays with male politicians too, with the ridiculous handshakes. In their case, he exploits the cult of masculinity. In May's case he played on the social expectations on women to be nurturing. The man may be an idiot, but he's an idiot with a long track record of being incredibly good at manipulating people and putting them on the back foot.)

I'd say you're a feminist.

Holding/opening doors, personally I think that should be done by the person most able. So I'll do it if I get there first. I'll do it if it's someone older/a child/a man or woman with their hands full/if someone is rushing, because it's easier for me to do it, and that's just being kind and polite.

Do you think women should be discriminated against because of their biology? If not, then you're a feminist.

I'm not sure why you might think a feminist wouldn't hold doors open for their elders? I'll hold a door open for anyone following me or anyone who looks like they might appreciate a hand. I don't care if a man holds a door open for me, although if he then lets it slam in my male friends face then I'd think he was a knob. I'd also think he was mildly sexist.

The Trump thing, I thought it was universally known that he has an apparent fear of walking down steps and he held her hand, not the other way round. Probably for the reasons that @PricklyBall says.

Ok thank you - didn't realise that about the May/Trump scenario.

I believe men and women should without fail have equal pay on the same jobs.

I don't believe women should be discriminated against because of biology.

However, I do believe men and woman are not equal biologically, for example a man is physically stronger than me.

I also cry at a shit load more than my male peers.

Do you ever believe men are discriminated against because of their masculinity?

No. Men may be disadvantaged if they want to pursue careers or hobbies that are considered to be feminine. So if they want to be nurses, carers, midwives etc. There is an implication that they are unnatural and possibly suspicious. They may face a negative response if they ask their employers for time off to care for children or relatives, or ask for part time work, as again this is considered a female role. I wouldn't label it discrimination, it's a side effect of a sexist society that does discriminate against women.

Men cry less because they are socialised to cry less.

I also cry at a shit load more than my male peers.

What? How would you possibly know this? People don't always cry in public.

What is there about the word 'feminist' that you reject?

For me the name 'feminist' describes a clarity that 'I can see this shit for what it is' and a fire in my belly that 'I won't take this shit lying down'.

I find it annoying when people make out that it is something to be ashamed of or some sort of fashion accessory when it is in vogue.

To me a detached belief in an abstract notion of 'equality' is not enough - there needs to be a commitment to equality and a constant refining of your understanding of it, since so much abstraction is proved to be false when put to the reality test. However I don't think that being wrong at times means you aren't a feminist, just that it is an ongoing, improving process - feminism is a journey I suppose.

No. Men may be disadvantaged if they want to pursue careers or hobbies that are considered to be feminine. So if they want to be nurses

More of a hard time from peers, quite possibly. But at work they progress faster (eg. number of men who become nurse managers, headmasters at primary schools, etc - it's well studied)

Yes I'm aware of that @MentholBreeze. In fact you can see it very clearly in action in schools were senior leadership is heavily male dominated. In primary schools particularly where often nearly all classroom teachers are women and there is a male head and male deputy.

I don't think crying at shit is any kind of benchmark for womanhood. Neither is wanting men to hold doors open for you.

I'm not sure if you're a feminist, but I do think you are being a tad disingenuous.

"I also cry at a shit load more than my male peers"

Ever seen men not flip into the middle of next wailing and bawling and weeping buckets when ever their team loses? or if they can't get access to their beloved porn?

And saying men are stronger than women when one flick to mens nards would bring them down to their knees is fancilful!

So why do men equate "balls" to male toughness and yet refer to women's privates as pussy and yet their vaginas can push out entire human beings?

It may appear men are physically stronger but women have to work twice as hard as men in the same labour intensive jobs to achieve their goals and women do usually achieve them despite being physically disadvantaged.
So I have no idea why men smugly gloat over a physical advantage they own due to their biology and sneer and look down on women who don't due to theirs.?

Anyway men are genetically the weaker sex and it's why they are susceptible to more diseases than women, have more heart attacks and die several years earlier than women and are more likely to be irrational and mentally unstable than women, hence the inclination for men to get into violent confrontations with other people which often ends up in them killing them.

Men are far less likely than women to back away from confrontations or back down because men often resort to employing their fists to support their arguments rather than reason.
It's manly you know, men using their fists to get their own way.
STATUS MANHOOD is about elitism not equality.
Equality would require men to lower their fists not raise them or use them to prop themselves up to some perceived higher level.

Yes I'm aware of that @MentholBreeze.

I knew you would be (serial name-changer) - just wanted to get it out for anyone reading.

@ladyballs

During WWII, Jewish women in Nazi concentration camps would wrap their arms around each other to keep from freezing to death but Jewish men thought that men doing this was to embarrassing and humiliating and not manly, so chose to freeze to death instead.
Poor men!

Male pride, male honour, male arrogance is sheer stupidity and is known by any other name as male cowardice and men fall over themselves to build monuments to it and vainly declare themselves brave heroic self sacrificing martyrs up holding ridiculous self glorious patriarchal ideals.

"Are we not men of stature"

Nope mate, you are cowards.. so try lowering your fists first, and get off your pedestal you covet so much, then we can talk about your stature?

@AssassinatedBeauty

"Men cry less because they are socialised to cry less."

Because crying is associated with being feminine and anything feminine being recognised in men is taboo!

Masculinity is seen as the positive in the culture and femininity is seen as the negative.

"Boy, don't throw like a girl, you don't want to be recognised as one of those do you?
Hey man don't let our team down on our side of our apartheid.
Remember bro women are good enough to clean our clothes and cook our food for us, but they are not good enough to sit at the table with us involved in all the decision making and we sit at the front of the bus and they will sit at the back and never promote anything positive about being feminine, unless you are intending to bring down our patriarchy, because that is what you will be doing"

@AsMen I hadn't heard that. How sad.