Let toys be toys - Foodbank wants to allocate Christmas gifts based on sex and age

[ShotsFired]

This sounds pretty trivial in the scheme of things currently being discussed on here, but in the spirit of Broken Windows Theory....

My local Foodbank (Trussell affiliated)is organising a Christmas Parcel campaign for local children - basically fill up a small box of Christmas Day. They go on to specify that age and sex should be noted on the outside.

I have FB messaged them, and they have seen it, to point out that the sex marking, in particular, is unnecessary and plays to pointless stereotypes (let toys be toys). Not to mention that if they get a surplus of one sex, do children of the other miss out as it isn't for them? No response.

Am considering chasing by email, with a cc to Trussell to ask for their response/position on this. Am I just wasting my breath? If not, any tips?

This is a tried and tested method of donation allocation, and presumably makes their work quicker and easier. Just let them get on with it without adding to their workload.

I'm sure it makes it easier all around.

Some boys might kick off if they got a doll. Others might like it.

Less hassle to just do it by sex and age

I agree op. It would ultimately cause less admin to just have it by age.

Age I get, of course.

But I am surprised you both feel gender is "fair enough" when dishing out a small box of treats to children who may not otherwise get anything for Christmas.

Doesn't only (for example) giving dollies to girls just reinforce that all they should be looking at is nursing or caring - not engineering or airline pilot or financier or astronaut? That has repercussions later in life, not least on finances and the very reason Foodbanks exist.

I'm not trying to be argumentative, just genuinely curious as to why this is ok in your opinions. Thank you.

I understand why they're doing it.

As a kid though, I remember the feeling of getting 'girls' gifts again and again through the years, and having to pretend to be grateful for them, and how it just continuously banged at my inner self to be told that my interests were wrong, to see boys getting stuff that I would have found much more interesting, and I'm sure there are plenty of boys who felt the same way about only getting toy cars as I did about getting baby dolls.

I think that these boxes could be generic - especially since it's a small box, not a big present. Balls, Skipping ropes, pencils, paints, socks, sweets, yoyo etc. ?None of these have to be gendered, plenty of toys that would go in these boxes would be enjoyed by everyone. Why gender unnecessarily.

Some boys might kick off if they got a doll. Others might like it.

Whereas girls that get a doll that they have no interest in can be trusted to keep their disappointment internalised. Good casual sexism there.

Well it makes sense to me - I’m doing a box got an 11year old girl and that does involve sparkly notebooks, pens, hat, gloves, scarf.

It is a girls hat etc. I don’t think a boy would like it.

Makes sense to me.

Maybe volunteer to help out instead of sending emails criticising how they're doing it?

Normally I'm with you on this. However they are a charity who are trying to brighten some child's Christmas and my guess is they don't know the recipient otherwise they would tailor it to likes or dislikes. If you feel strongly about it, I would give a non- gendered item and then they can distribute as they see fit.

My point is: take this up with society, not a group who are trying to please most people.

I think in this instance, it's unhelpful to interrupt the activity with tub-thumping, unless you believe they're doing it simply to perpetuate an insidious problem. We must assume that the majority of users are happy with the arrangement.

My point is: take this up with society, not a group who are trying to please most people.

I think in this instance, it's unhelpful to interrupt the activity with tub-thumping, unless you believe they're doing it simply to perpetuate an insidious problem. We must assume that the majority of users are happy with the arrangement.

Should poor kids just be grateful for what they’ve got....

Some children mgt have parents who would take the piss or mock their kids for playing with the “wrong” toys.

Tackling gender stereotyping has to come target parents as, when children are young, they are the ones with the most influence!

It is a girls hat etc. I don’t think a boy would like it.

I probably wouldn't then, but my son would.... and both my sons would go for sparkly notebooks.

OP - I would do a box and mark it 'either' - lead by example. This is what I did when my kid's school did similar, and when they asked for 'boys' and 'girl's toys for a raffle hamper (apparently boys like balls, but girls don't - according to the required items)

So a charity is making sure kids who would go without get some Christmas gifts and you want to complain about it? If your that worried I suggest you donate you put what you deem to be a suitable gift in the boxes you donate.

Christ - if we are playing non gender-up-man-ship than my youngest dd would love anything football-related, the middle did is into karate and the eldest dd is into anime.

Dd3 would love a ‘boys’ hat, won’t wear dresses etc.

But we aren’t talking about our own kids, we are talking about pleasing the general population and id rather not risk disappointing a little kid who might nit get anything else fir Christmas.

Thanks for the thoughts, it's good to hear alternative perspectives.

I don't think for a minute it was done maliciously, I think it was just "unthinking", which in itself is a "societal" issue that is well worth flagging, surely? If you dont know you made a mistake, how can you change your ways - applies in all areas of life. I hope I am not tub-thumping or criticising, merely asking the question in case it just wasn't noticed before now.

Re volunteering. I did actually go along to the first meetings when it was being set up. I was very keen to help, even after I heard that my local foodbank was going to set itself up in a way that "offered" recipients the "opportunity" to pray with them before they received their food parcel. In a way that made me keener, to be an atheist alternative who would just help people in need without religion being involved. I asked to be kept involved and waited to hear. Chased several times. Eventually got a dismissive reply back that all communication had been done at/by the church and they had no need for any more volunteers. I can't force my help on them, so I am now involved with another charity helping homeless people in my area instead.

For those of you snarking at me, I'd love to show you a picture of my hallway at home atm. It is stacked up with winter clothes, food and toiletry donations that I have collected, organised and bought, which I am taking over to the homeless shelter later today.

Maybe that would prove that I am not just some keyboard crusader looking to slag off anything at the first opportunity? As I said, I couldn't force my help onto the Foodbank, so I have offered it elsewhere.

I am afraid you are pushing your political agenda onto small children, who by virtue of using a food bank, are not exactly living in the lap of luxury. For a small boy to be given a toy focused on caring or role play is usually a recipe for disappointment. A girl might not want cars but you are training her to be grateful for whatever she gets out of life rather than striving for more appropriate things.

Also consider that, regardless of your thoughts, the gender preferences for toys are quite strong. There is a Daily Mail report on a paper by City University on this. (I know you will cry Daily Fascist or some such but the messenger is irrelevant to the message content and I don't have a link to the original paper to hand)

So in summary most boys want boys toys and most girls want girl toys and yet you are willing to upset and disappoint the vast majority to ensure that children who would be happy with either type or the even rarer cases that might want the "opposite" (for want of a better word) might get something suitable. That seems selfish to me.

@shotsfired. Well done for volunteering and taking initiative though rather than waiting for others to do something through taxation. That is community minded of you.

If buying for a stranger you want to maximise the chance of the child enjoying the gift.

Most boys and girls like the stereotypical toys. So more chance of it being something enjoyable. Just like I wouldn't by a doll for a 8 year old because some may like it others may have outgrown it. Would want to maximise chance of getting it right.

When buying for a child i know i would buy suited to their own likes and interests and not a toy marketed at a gender.

Just don’t put gender stereotyped toys in your box.

They will look in all the boxes anyway and move everything around.

Present buying for your own children or children you know is personal, present buying for disadvantaged 7 year olds is totally different. I Think the foodbank has enough to contend with than worrying about gender neutral toys.

Don't donate dolls or cars donate jigsaws and books I can't believe you emailed them about this being privilaged enough that you can think about GN toys is fine but having the arrogance tocontact a charity to point out that they are doing it wrong is low,

Ah: are the boxes offered by the church food bank?

I would concentrate on making a difference where you can rather than spending effort where you can’t.

The praying thing would massively piss me off.

The toys thing - I think most parents would like to be given the chance to pick out some things that their kids would like, but I also understand that this also has its problems.

Volunteering for any charity run by volunteers is usually pretty frustrating. I steer clear of anything church run because the volunteers all know each other from church.