Let toys be toys - Foodbank wants to allocate Christmas gifts based on sex and age

[ShotsFired]

This sounds pretty trivial in the scheme of things currently being discussed on here, but in the spirit of Broken Windows Theory....

My local Foodbank (Trussell affiliated)is organising a Christmas Parcel campaign for local children - basically fill up a small box of Christmas Day. They go on to specify that age and sex should be noted on the outside.

I have FB messaged them, and they have seen it, to point out that the sex marking, in particular, is unnecessary and plays to pointless stereotypes (let toys be toys). Not to mention that if they get a surplus of one sex, do children of the other miss out as it isn't for them? No response.

Am considering chasing by email, with a cc to Trussell to ask for their response/position on this. Am I just wasting my breath? If not, any tips?

First of all OP I don't think you are unreasonable to suggest a better split than girl/boy. Parents will presumably be picking stuff up and they do know their kids - having a handful of themes might help (crafts for 5 yr old, horse mad 13 yr old, spy kit for 9 yr old, superheroes for 6 yr old etc?) Yes, I guess it would be harder to administer - but it's still worth thinking about how it could be done and whether it would make the recipients happier. Prob a bit late for this Christmas though it sounds like you did try to suggest it earlier.

Secondly thanks for pointing out that foodbanks are doing Christmas gifts - it's likely more children will be affected by UC rollout this Christmas so it's good to know some way of contributing.

I would choose something 'neutral' and label as such.

I agree with you on principle, OP and have tried to change the segregated prizes and lucky dips at my local school fairs to gender neutral (just toys rather than girls' and boys') but probably a charity at (busy) Christmas time isn't the best place to start.

Your charity work is great op

It makes perfect sense.
Please don't make an issue when there doesn't need to be. They're trying to do a good thing and shouldn't be criticised.

They will check all the boxes and move things around as they see fit anyway

“For a small boy to be given a toy focused on caring or role play is usually a recipe for disappointment. A girl might not want cars but you are training her to be grateful for whatever she gets out of life rather than striving for more appropriate things. ”

Lord the arrogance of a man who calls himself “wise” and then spouts this shit. Not a surprise really

OP I get what you are saying

They're trying to do a good thing and shouldn't be criticised.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions - or so I've been told..

It's constructive criticism, and OP is still doing plenty whilst raising the issue as a concern.

There are places, times and ways to challenge gender stereotyping. This is NOT the time.
Go and help them out instead of criticising a group of people doing their best to help.

I would also have winced at the gendering of toys, OP. I think the suggestion to do your own gender neutral gifts is a good one. Or label them according to gender but put non-stereotypical stuff in the box e.g. a science kit for a girl or Electrigirl for a boy (my DS loved it).

@Alexkate2468
The OP has explained how she has tried to help them out but has been turned down

You're taking the fight to the wrong people, that should be with the manufacturers and retailers. It's fair enough though to point out that there should be an option to choose and label as such gender neutral toys. But not forcing a disadvantaged boy to be grateful for a pink saucepan set/whatever on christmas morning. Questioning genderisation of toys happens further back in the supply chain.

You know what? When you are poor you still have dreams, political opinions, all those pesky things. Girls and boys living in poor families should still have the freedom to choose what they like rather than what stupid gender norms say they should like. It's not only possible to be a feminist when you are poor, it's very bloody likely.

Maybe the answer is just to put in books rather than toys.

surely this is about making children happy. I doubt that most 8 year old boys would be pleased if they received a very pink doll.

I’m 100% behind let tots be tots on a marketing and selling level. However if my boy really wants a car I’m not going to force him to have a jewellery making kit instead just to subvert stereotypes.
If I was asked to buy for an unknown 6yr old that might be their own Christmas gift then knowing their sex does give a better chance of it being something they are pleased with even if their likes are shaped by society.

I doubt that most 8 year old boys would be pleased if they received a very pink doll.

Honestly I reckon that most 8 year old girls would feel the same.

But not forcing a disadvantaged boy to be grateful for a pink saucepan set/whatever on christmas morning

Disadvantaged girl though, best she learns her place early.

Patronising shite.

It would be an improvement for them to request labels with an age range (not single age) and marked “boy” “girl” or “either”.

Don't put bloody books in fgs.

Just pick what you think looks FUN and they will jiggle it abou anyway

I didn't imply that a girl would be happy with a pink saucepan set. it's about living in the world as it is vs how one would like it to be. When you're at the coalface, pragmatic choices come in. Now for us that would be guided towards donating gender neutral toys. But the charity will have the full gamut of toys to distribute and pragmatically a lot of young 7 year boys would be bemused by receiving such a heavily gendered present. Our contention should be further back in the supply chain/marketeers/educationalists etc, not with the children who have already had their taste in toys formed.

Difficult one, as a child I had all my brother's hand me down clothes and toys. I longed for dolls and pretty things so I would probably have considered a gender neutral toy quite boring!!!

What the fuck's wrong with a book, Almahart? Books are often expensive so difficult to buy when you are on your uppers, there's loads of fun ones suitable for every age (so you'd put the age on the box), and kids like them.

Its a pity the box cant be labelled with an age range, colour and theme.

Nothing wrong with books but kids have access to them at school and I can tell you for sure that for my kids they fall into the same sort of catergory as clothes as a present.

One of them is not very interested at all, the other has very specific tastes. Other than for very small children I would say chances of getting a book right are low, although annuals/Ripleys books probably ok

@ Hersymphonyandsong. And you fail to provide evidence to refute my point in any way what so ever and resort to gender associated stereotyping. Do you do hypocrisy often?

Hahaha ya wee dafty :D

“Lord the arrogance of a man who calls himself “wise” and then spouts this shit.”

Totally stand by this