Gender critical people- do you use preferred pronouns?

[Lemonjello]

I find this a really hard one, being very gender critical but also not wanting to offend. I'd be interested in other people's views and also, if you refuse to use them, is it a cross you would die on, so to speak? I.e. would you be be willing to lose your job for example. Can you in fact be fired for this?

I would use them at work, mainly because I'm cowardly and would be worried about getting into trouble. I'm fairly sure that deliberately and repeatedly not using someone's choice of pronouns is considered to be transphobia. It would therefore probably be something you could be disciplined for and eventually lose your job if you kept doing it after warnings. I think I'd try and get around it by using names or other ways of phrasing things as much as I could.

Thankfully I don't think it is likely to be an issue for me where I work currently.

Thanks for replying 🙂
So you would rather not use them?

I will always use preferred pronouns. I don't know many transgender people, but I consider all the trans people that I've met to be victims of this fucked up way of thinking. I will never do anything to make their everyday lives even more difficult than they are.
(And I'd be fired if I didn't.)

I don't want to be forced to use them, especially for someone who hasn't changed the way they present or only done so minimally.

Yes that's a very good way of looking at it Toodamnedsarky.

I don't see the way that they present as being relevant. In my book making an effor to look female doesn't make you any more female (or vice versa).

I'm trying to think, but there are very few occasions (if any?) when you actually need to use pronouns - if you are talking to someone you don't, and if you are talking about someone you'd just use their name or they/them.

If it was made a proper crime, (the way I think it may be in Canada?) would you support/stick up for someone who refused to use them?

For me it's about being respectfu'. I will always address the transgender women that I know by their preferred pronoun - they are all kind and decent people and it's important to separate out individuals from the misogynistic activists who are causing so many problems.
Just because I have huge reservations about the silencing of women and obliteration of our rights, doesn't mean that I would disrespect individuals.
I'm not sure that it's an option to deliberately misgender people? Not because of a fear of being sacked but because it would cause so much hurt - and create divisions in the work place. I save my battles for ensuring that women are not 'thrown under the bus' by employers by removing single sex facilities etc and will keep battling at a strategic level in writing to MPs etc.

respectful

And if you know you will be fired for not using them, isn't that similar to being forced?

Yes, because of what sarky expresses very well. One of my oldest friends is trans and I wouldn't dream of upsetting him by refusing to use his preferred pronouns. I just wish that society's fucked-up gender expectations hadn't caused him to experience the word 'she' as a traumatic insult.

Pronouns come up more than you'd think. I have found it extremely dfficult to get this right. You can intend to use their name or 'they' but pronouns are so common and natural that you have to monitor your speech extremely closely to stop them popping out. I have got it wrong on occasion despite my best efforts not to upset a vulnerable person.

Yes I agree re separating individuals from the general ideology/ activists.

I've never knowingly met a transgender person so it hasn't come up. I would probably use the preferred pronouns as I think that's polite. I wouldn't think of them that way though.

I'm trying to think of a similar situation in which you consciously have to police your own speech to such an extent. I suppose it's like trying to avoid looking at someone's huge spot or something.

I don't feel that I'm complicit in a lie by respecting pronouns, because it's just an arbitrary fact of our language that the pronouns work as they do. But I hope my friend never straight-up asks me if I consider him to be a man, because I don't.

I use they/them or their name.

Clearly I'm not going to deliberately upset someone who is vulnerable and as I've already said I'd be far too cowardly irl to stick my head above the parapet and make a political point.

I agree that it's best to make a distinction between a person as an individual and the activists that act in their name.

You don't know if that individual shares their beliefs anyway.

I found it a bit like driving on the wrong side of the road. Fine at first when I was concentrating really really hard. But as soon as I started to relax and think I had it under control I messed up.

Yes, out of politeness. I have no issue with any individual.

My critique and unease is with some of the ideology and pop-theory.

I think it also reall depends on the context in which you meet them.
It would be completely inappropriate for me, in my professional role, to use the wrong pronouns. Given the power relationship between me and the likely people involved that would be a form of bullying. Nobody should be forced to defend their views on such issues in the workplace.

Yes totally like driving on the wrong side!

And would using 'they' also be seen as misgendering do you think?