Would you ever disown a family member for their messed up thinking?

[Turquoise0wl]

Just want to know if I'm taking this too far.

Thanks

How on earth do you expect anyone to make any sense of this? Try providing a lot more information with a genuine question at the end of it.

What's the messed up thinking? 😊

I don't see how it doesn't make sense? This is in feminism chat... I think it's probably obvious

What family member? What thinking? Just thinking or actions too? Really you have to actually have some substance or there's nothing to discuss

You haven't actually told us anything.

For saying "haha chicks..." probably not. He'd probably just get a punch in the elbow and this face.

For misogyny or vaw, yes.

It's actually my mum - just making out your the odd one for being a feminist. Too many arguments.

Yes, if these views were significantly messed up I would.

I wouldn't disown her, just nod and smile, nod and smile.

Yes I have done. I dont want to give too many details but I am NC with my family. The reasons are serious.
Its not easy to do, you will get judged by people who dont get how bad things can be. But life gets easier.

If you have kids ask yourself if they are safe with those people, if its possible they could be harmed by actions or negligence. If you cant do it for yourself you can do it for them.

Why sort of things does she say?

If it's low level I use it as a chance to point score and teach my kids

'Look kids, nana thinks women shouldn't drive if their husbands are in the car! Isn't that funny? It's because nana was born before cars and women didn't drive the horse and buggies.'

'That's a bit silly and sexist wasn't it kids! Tell nana we know that's not true and of course a woman can be president!"

I

I'm 18 and have no children... It's the arguing that drives me mad.

It does very much depend. I'd first want to know why they think the way they do, and whether they're open to debate. OTOH, if they turned out to be a dyed-in-the-wool white supremacist who thinks places in the Middle East have got it right on women's rights (and can ignore the cognitive dissonance that must surely occur with these two viewpoints together,) then probably disowning them is probably necessary for the maintenance of physical and mental health.

Can't imagine it would do my blood pressure any good, anyway.

I try and discuss it with her and I get a "you're giving me a headache, your views are odd, let's just move on" but it's impossible to move on when it comes up in so many different situations.

Disown is too strong, particularly in your situation. Just don't speak about it with her, she's clearly not interested and you can't force her.

I'm not trying to force her... I don't speak about it with her. However, there are many comments made from her towards me about my views. I guess I just ignore it, yeah? What do you mean 'my situation'? I might be 18, but I've been old enough to work for 2 years and have saved.

I didn't mean anything to do with your age or savings. I meant your talking about disowning your mother, not some sleazy cousin or something. It's a bit dramatic.

Dramatic? Okay...

Er, no. This is your mother. You're very young.

Yeah, she might be my mother, but when she makes you depressed, she's hardly worth much.

What sort of thing does she say?

It's hard to say without knowing more context, but from what you've written I don't think I would go NC.

How vocal are you with your views? I don't mean this to be patronising but at 18 I thought I knew it all and loved to educate those around me no end. My views may have been right sometimes but my attitude wasn't great and I needed to learn when to shut up.

You can't make your mum have the same views as you. I would try and find other things to talk about.

More examples are needed really.
It isn't as self explanatory as you'd hoped.
Sometimes you'd be better off helping your Mum understand .
She can't be that old?

I'd just stop discussing it with her. If she makes any comments, just nod and smile, as PP have suggested.

If you spend a lot of time trying to talk her around to your view, then just stop. Now. She's probably stressed and exhausted. (I have a dc who talks about one specific issue every time she visits - I get it's important to her and of course, I listen, I love her, but honestly, mostly I'm just trying to make it through the day in one piece and don't give a shit about the issue concerned. and all her siblings run for the hills when they see her coming It doesn't make me a bad person, we just have different priorities.)

Your mother will say a million things that you vehemently disagree with in her lifetime, just ignore them.