Help me explain why this is wrong

[feministrat]

We have a new local councillor (namechanged for this, as obviously outs my location). I went to visit his Facebook page and found he had shared with public settings a sexist meme.

I mentioned this on my local FB page, and not a single person thinks there is a problem with it. (Sample comment: "LOL my husband and I laughed at this as he couldn't come to the cinema with me and the kids because he had to pay for it LOL its not sexist")

I've attached the meme below. I need to be pithy and not too obviously academic as I don't want to come across as patronising, but now I've raised it and been jumped on by several people who think I'm looking for offence where none was intended, I do feel I need to explain why the below is not appropriate, particularly for an elected official (who has now deleted it from his page).

Can you help me explain why this is wrong in a few sentences?

Or rather I did not use it with reference exclusively to women.

Agree with Karlos

It assumes that only father's make efforts on behalf of their families and that in itself is offensive. Aside from the sexism, I think it shows very poor judgement (political and otherwise) that a councillor feels happy posting this and doesnt see a problem with it. It would make me question his judgement about other issues too.

Did you challenge it directly on his FB page op?

I wonder if those who speak in his defence would do so if he made a joke based on ethnic as opposed to sex based stereotypes?

Argh- fathers without apostrophe that should be - overactive autocorrect !

@Karlos, that is the compete opposite of what I am saying. I am not trying to micro manage what other people can say or think because of my sensitivities.

I am not trying to micro manage what other people can say or think because of my sensitivities.

Well, except us, sitting talking on a feminist chat board. Elected officials can say what they like, but a minority of feminists talking amongst themselves must be told their place.

Yeah, I think you might have that arse backwards.

Bit late to the game, suggest he can live his wife's live, give back 30% of his earnings and take on all the childcare.
I've missed if he's actually married.

That's exactly what you're trying to do phoney, as well as missing the point spectacularly. This man is supposed to be the elected representative of the whole population. How does that sit with telling puerile jokes at the expense of half of them?
If he was telling jokes based on ethnic stereotypes would it be ok to object then, accepting for the moment your application for the role of speech police officer?

As part of half the population it sits fine with me. It's not at my expense or the millions of other women who wouldn't be offended by it. Just because you are offended you think you can speak for half the population.

Im not. Im querying the fitness of someone who makes stupid jokes about them to speak for them.
Are you being wilfully obtuse or are you finding this genuinely difficult to understand?

@Brownsauceandsausages No - I am not a FB friend of his, so could only see his public posts (he has now removed / made private this post, so someone has obviously tipped him off that it's not a smart career move and people are talking about it). I raised it on a neighbourhood FB page as another resident was waxing lyrical about what a great bloke he was. Knowing very little about the candidate, I went to his FB page (linked to by the resident), and was astonished by what I saw.

@Thephoneywar I do appreciate that you are not offended, and of course everyone's sense of humour calibrates differently. BUT if you are seeking election in a public office, surely, surely you would look to be as inoffensive as possible to avoid alienating even a single candidate, just as you might try to sleight your hand with any personal views that were controversial (e.g. Brexit, abortion). Inability to do this suggests at best political naivety or at worst someone who just doesn't care what feminists (in which of course I include men) think of him.

And yes, it does make me wonder to what extent he respects women's opinions, be they colleagues or residents who wish him to act in his capacity as elected official.

Actually, guys, little point in engaging with @Thephoneywar - have just checked out some of her (his?) other posts and they are almost all about women being nagging, general woman-bashing. Suspect s/he is someone who enjoys attempting (and failing) to undermine feminists at any opportunity.

Thephoneywar

As part of half the population it sits fine with me. It's not at my expense or the millions of other women who wouldn't be offended by it. Just because you are offended you think you can speak for half the population

No one on here has claimed to speak for half the population although you seem quite keen on trying to shut down the conversation here.

@feministrat, thanks for that. I am allowed to share my opinion and thanks for insinuating that because I disagree with you and a lot of the vocal feminists on MN I must be a man.

I just think you lot are behaving the same way trans people behave online. Constant outrage and offensive at minor issues and trying to police other womens freedom of expression.

@lass, I am not trying to shut down the conversation. I am fed up of other women thinking they know best and thinking they can speak for me and that if we don't automatically agree we must be a bit thick.

Constant outrage and offensive at minor issues and trying to police other womens freedom of expression

The only person trying to police freedom of expression is you.

You are free to say you think the OP and those who agree with her are being ridiculous (goodness knows I have no compunction at all in holding back if I think posters are straying into "Milly Tant" mode). I don't then tell posters to "back off" because they don't agree with me.

You have made your personal view clear- that is fine. What is not fine is the "back off" and making up stuff that the OP is taking it upon herself to speak for half the population.

It's a bit silly but not necessarily sexist IMHO. In fact it could be offensive to men who might think well I don't earn enough for my wife and kids to have a great life and they then may feel inadequate.

Terrible.

What's more terrible is that people have no appreciation that while this may be "funny" on the surface, the message these things promote are all around us and everything as a whole contributes to toxic gender stereotypes.

People's inability to critically analyze is woeful and a curse to humanity.

I'm not offended by it. It's just a joke. I post things all the time that don't even necessarily apply to my life but they're funny. Me and my DH quite often have a giggle at memes that are and are not 'us'. It's just a sense of humour. People are too easily offended these days. I'm pretty sure he doesn't mean it literally. Chances are he's on a decent amount of money anyway. It's only a joke.

It's the kind of level of humour that describes the 'missus' as the old ball and chain.

I'm never 'offended' by this kind of haggard joke, that's. it the point. It's. it about anyone's sensitivities either - if we want to get rid of the ingrained sexism and stereotypes we have to challenge shit like this from people who are actually meant to speak for us.

That should say 'not', both times

Noted. I've just noted my last comment does not make sense either. What I meant was ^I have no hesitation in sounding off if I think posters are straying in etc, etc.