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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Help me explain why this is wrong

48 replies

feministrat · 18/08/2017 16:39

We have a new local councillor (namechanged for this, as obviously outs my location). I went to visit his Facebook page and found he had shared with public settings a sexist meme.

I mentioned this on my local FB page, and not a single person thinks there is a problem with it. (Sample comment: "LOL my husband and I laughed at this as he couldn't come to the cinema with me and the kids because he had to pay for it LOL its not sexist")

I've attached the meme below. I need to be pithy and not too obviously academic as I don't want to come across as patronising, but now I've raised it and been jumped on by several people who think I'm looking for offence where none was intended, I do feel I need to explain why the below is not appropriate, particularly for an elected official (who has now deleted it from his page).

Can you help me explain why this is wrong in a few sentences?

Help me explain why this is wrong
OP posts:
chickendrizzlecake · 18/08/2017 16:51

It rests on several hideously stereotypical and massively sexist assumptions:

1 that Dad is the sole earner in the family and sacrifices everything else in his life in order to fulfill this role

2 that mum and kids do not contribute anything to the household and are somehow permanently on holiday or out enjoying themselves

3 That men's function is to earn money - women and children are simply consumers who spend it

I'm sure someone will be along in a minute to express it all better than I can, but I agree with you it's horrible.

chickendrizzlecake · 18/08/2017 17:20

Actually, thinking about it a bit harder, if you want to be pithy how about:

It's offensive to women who go out to work, because it implies that only Dads do this.

It's offensive to women who don't go out to work because it implies that they spend all their time out enjoying themselves while Dad is at work.

So basically it's offensive to all women, isn't it?

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 18/08/2017 17:23

Not to mention it infantilises women by bundling her in with the kids - as if they're all just off having fun all day every day rather than her looking after them, and presumably taking responsibility for all the home life too.

DP made a comment along these lines recently when we were talking about retirement (I might add that I have always worked, he'd just had a bit of luck recently and been granted a large lump sum) - he suggested (as a joke, in company) that he'd be retiring, but I'd be carrying on working until I'd matched him in earnings. I said fine, that's great, we'll do a swap - I'll just work, and you can do everything I do now (without having to work, so it should be easy). He back pedalled on that 'joke' pretty damn fast.

Original poster
feministrat · 18/08/2017 17:32

Thank you, exactly what I was struggling to articulate.

OP posts:
VestalVirgin · 18/08/2017 17:34

And a single woman's dream is to earn enough to live the cosy life with housespouse and children that men take for granted.

grasspigeons · 18/08/2017 17:42

Mums dream: to have the value of her contribution to her family recognised

Original poster
feministrat · 18/08/2017 19:18

Thank you all. I have posted an amalgamated version of your responses. Currently it's six against one (me being the one), with a lot of (sadly, women) eyerolling at me and telling me it's certainly not sexist.

We moved from London to a home counties town a while back, and it's times like these (Parish council elections, church involvement in everything, solid Tory seat) I really notice the difference between my old community and my new one.

OP posts:
Original poster
feministrat · 18/08/2017 20:13

One person agrees with me. One additional person has stated (and I quote): "This is so over the top if your offended by this you need to get out more".

Tempted to point her in the direction of local adult literacy classes but only because I'm feeling snarky.

OP posts:
BlessedBeTheFruit · 18/08/2017 20:56

Grin feministrat

Obviously it is sexist, but also what kind of person begrudges their kids doing nice things? I thought we were past child labour and fortunate to live in a society that doesn't send children out at 10 to earn their keep?

Original poster
feministrat · 18/08/2017 21:33

@BlessedBeTheFruit Yes, exactly. And to be honest, it wouldn't have made me think it was offensive at all if it had said, "A PARENT'S DREAM: to earn enough money to live life like their kids". Because at least that is a parent's recognisable job - to provide for their offspring.

Back in FB land, there are several "likes" on the comment telling me to get out more. Depressing. (I would get out more, but I would probably get raped, and then it would probably be my fault.)

OP posts:
pitterpatterrain · 18/08/2017 21:41

It's a bit of an odd thing. It relies on such stereotypes to be relevant / amusing.

I first read it as the dad earns a lot less than his wife and they don't have a shared bank account .... Clearly I need to get out more

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 18/08/2017 23:07

One person agrees with me. One additional person has stated (and I quote): "This is so over the top if your offended by this you need to get out more".

It is the equivalent of those ghastly signs such as you don't have to be mad to work here but it helps. Not funny, hackneyed and more than a bit dim.

I googled "naff signs" for more examples and found this. The sort of people who can't see the problem with that meme probably think the crap on here is hilarious too.

www.naffgiftshop.co.uk/

Thephoneywar · 19/08/2017 13:42

I agree with the women who are rolling their Internet eyes at you. You find it offensive and for some reason expect other people to agree with you and if they don't then there is something wrong with them.

I don't find it offensive.

parrotseatemall · 19/08/2017 14:25

I don't think the words offensive and 'I'm offended' are helpful in these situations. Its too easy for the joke-makers to make you look like you're a delicate sensitive flower who expects people to tiptoe around you. It makes things too personal.

I would have just said it's a really outdated and humourless perspective, since so many women these days work outside the home. It's a joke that belongs in 1955.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 19/08/2017 14:31

I'm not offended. It's just dim and hackneyed. I would think anyone who found it funny was a bit dim.

Thephoneywar · 19/08/2017 15:08

Maybe the people who find it funny find your cynicism tiring.

It like the trans agenda, we have a small vocal minority of women who are always trying to micro manage other people's speech and humour. Back off. If you don't like it that fine, but don't expect every other woman or man to agree with your personal sensitivities.

ponderingprobably · 19/08/2017 15:26

'A woman's dream is to earn enough money not to feel trapped into financial dependency upon their ungrateful arse of a husband'.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 19/08/2017 15:34

She is not trying to micro manage anyone's humour. If people are dull witted enough to find this amusing then let them get on with it. She is querying whether it is appropriate for an elected officer to be stereotyping half his electorate in this fashion. Personally I wouldn't think a man like this was capable of representing my interests.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 19/08/2017 15:35

Back off. If you don't like it that fine, but don't expect every other woman or man to agree with your personal sensitivities

Um , where have I asked anyone to agree with me on this?

Unlike you with your " back off"

Thephoneywar · 19/08/2017 15:42

@lass, I wasn't specifically speaking to you. I am speaking generally at this attitude of offense, outrage, feeling superior and mocking women who don't find this kind of stuff offensive or problematic. As if women should have a hive mind and must always agree with the minority vocal feminists otherwise we are dim or thick.

Original poster
feministrat · 19/08/2017 15:43

I am not offended by it. Had it been on a friend's timeline, I'd have rolled my own eyes, thought them an idiot and scrolled on.

But this was a public post by an elected official that represents my community. At best it is naive (and dim) and at worst worrying that he thinks it's acceptable to hold, let alone share those views.

OP posts:
JamOrCreamFirst · 19/08/2017 15:44

Totally inappropriate for an elected official. Sigh.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 19/08/2017 15:44

So basically, don't say what you think if it's not what I want to hear, phoneywar? That's not the way the game is played.

noblegiraffe · 19/08/2017 15:49

I'm not sure being married to an arse who resents his wife and kids is a lifestyle I'd aspire to.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 19/08/2017 16:02

As if women should have a hive mind and must always agree with the minority vocal feminists otherwise we are dim or thick

It was me who used the word "dim". I did not use it with reference to women. The meme was posted by a man.

Maybe the people who find it funny find your cynicism tiring

I'm not being cynical. I may well be being snobbish or elitist, but failing to see the humour in this is not evidence of cynicism.

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