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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

I've just lied on a dbs check.

64 replies

IWillCrushYouLikeABug · 09/06/2017 21:16

I need one but it won't let me out two surnames with concurrent dates?!

It's incredibly common for a woman to use their birth name at work and a married name for personal use. My passports are in my maiden name. My bank accounts and driving licence are in my married name.

I'm fully expecting this to flag up and cause a problem as I've had to say I stopped using my married name 10 years ago... but still used my passport to do the dbs check.

but what the fuck am I supposed to do?

If society is going to pressure women to change their names it would be beneficial if it actually assumed we were part of society and needed to use its services!

And before anyone feels the need to say I shouldn't have changed my name.. yes you are right. I didnt want to. Ten year too late now though to undo it thanks. And if anyone had warned me why a ball ache it could be I'd have probably stood my ground.

OP posts:
Original poster
IWillCrushYouLikeABug · 09/06/2017 21:37

I'm not British and didn't want to change my name in my country of birth. Which is perfectly fine.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 09/06/2017 21:38

If the person who wanted the dbs check wouldn't wait for you to clarify how to to fill in the form correctly, they might have to wait for you to supply additional information if the way you filled in the form raises and queries.

Original poster
IWillCrushYouLikeABug · 09/06/2017 21:39

Yes they may but that's on them. At least this way I have fulfilled my obligation as best I can.

OP posts:
tigerdriverII · 09/06/2017 21:40

I have six possible names! So Tiger isn't my actual first name, it's actually "Debbie". No one calls me Debbie apart from my dad who has been RIP for quite some years now.

Then Driver is not my maiden name. My maiden name was NotDriver. I didn't like it much.

I changed it to Driver when I married ExH. We were married for 12 years during which time I became successful professionally.

Then I married DH. By this time I was quite clear that (a) I didn't want to take his name and (b) that I didn't want to alter my professional name. So I kept Mr Driver's name.

I'm always known as Tiger Driver and none of the other combinations (although my passport, driving licence and Law Society membership are in the name Debbie Driver).

Never had a problem with any authority things.

I can see it could be confusing though Grin

ChocChocPorridge · 09/06/2017 21:40

I just don't see the point in having different names on different documents

At the very least, because you haven't got around to changing them all until they've all run out.

Otherwise, because you keep personal and professional separate, but still need to keep some ID in your professional name, because you forgot some bits.

Honestly, it's one of the reasons I'll never change my name - it's just so much hassle. I've changed one of my kids names instead, so one has DP's surname and one has mine. Much easier to change a 1 year-old's surname than a grown adults :D

Original poster
IWillCrushYouLikeABug · 09/06/2017 21:41

I need the dbs quite soon and they forgot to set the ball rolling so I don't want it to look like I've sat on it. Hopefully this will be resolved easily enough but the whole point of my post was that I shouldn't have to call, should I?

My circumstances aren't special, they're very common for women.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 09/06/2017 21:41

Yes they may but that's on them.

That's what I was saying. Any sensible HR person would have waited until Monday because of the potential longer delays to sort out the discrepancy in your surnames.

sunshineintheclouds · 09/06/2017 21:43

Sorry I generally thought all legal id had to be in the name you are legally known as.

Either way too much faff for me

BlushWine

Original poster
IWillCrushYouLikeABug · 09/06/2017 21:45

Wine back at you sunshine. It's a common misconception tbf, I've seen people on fwr be told similar by people who really should know better (banks etc). Some seem to think you HAVE to change your name or use Mrs when you get married Confused

OP posts:
sunshineintheclouds · 09/06/2017 21:46

O no I knew that Grin

zzzzz · 09/06/2017 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChocChocPorridge · 09/06/2017 21:52

As long as it's not for nefarious purposes, you can use as many names as you like. Not that you'd be able to get official ID in them all, but then, a lot of the time, you don't need that.

zzzzz · 09/06/2017 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 09/06/2017 22:02

Why the hell do people still use the term 'maiden name'; why not use 'birth name' or 'original name'?

beepbeepimasheep · 09/06/2017 22:04

You can use whatever name you want as long as you aren't using it for fraudulent or criminal purposes.

Original poster
IWillCrushYouLikeABug · 09/06/2017 22:05

Well it is a common term pizza so I think people don't even think about it. It's unfortunate that so much of our language is misogynistic. Can't blame people for not thinking about it all the time

OP posts:
Haffdonga · 09/06/2017 22:14

Pizzas I used the term 'maiden' in inverted commas specifically to indicate that this is what is commonly used but not my term of choice. Also because I was posting quickly and couldn't think of a better term off the top of my head to distinguish between the name pre and post marriage.

FWIW many people's birth names or original names are not the name they grow up with and birth name is not what I was trying to say.

I'm a feminist and almost never post on the feminism boards due to exactly this type of leaping to criticise. I am clearly not good enough to post here.

TupperwareTat · 09/06/2017 22:17

How long will they take to check it?

Original poster
IWillCrushYouLikeABug · 09/06/2017 22:21

halfdonga don't avoid posting somewhere because one person pulls you up! You'd never use AIBu for a start Grin Maiden name is a crap word but if you read my op you'll see I say birth name because I'm thinking about my words and then I slip and say Maiden in the middle when I've shut off a bit. It's just habit and as it's the correct word you have to question it each time.

I think it's worth thinking about our language but when dealing with other women there's no need to make them feel bad about using a normal word either

OP posts:
Original poster
IWillCrushYouLikeABug · 09/06/2017 22:21

No idea Tupperware

OP posts:
Original poster
IWillCrushYouLikeABug · 09/06/2017 22:21

I'll ring them Monday but at least it's done now anyway

OP posts:
Fauchelevent · 09/06/2017 22:28

Nothing useful to add, just found it a very entertaining thread, and I will's username is making me laugh so much.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 09/06/2017 22:35

Haffdonga, sorry i wasn't trying to call out individuals, more that it just struck me how ridiculous it was that 'maiden name' was still used generally.
I hadn't even realised this thread was in feminism, as it just came up in active threads I would probably not opened it if I had.

CaulkheadUpNorf · 09/06/2017 22:41

I had this in 2015. My passport was in a different name to the name on the DBS so I couldn't use it for ID as it has to be the same name for all. It just get rejected and I had to find other stuff.
However, I've had 3 more DBS checks since then, two of which have been fine and one where they just wanted more ID for the other categories.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 09/06/2017 22:44

In the UK you can call yourself what you like, there's nothing "illegal" or "legal" about it provided you're not trying to defraud. My mum was Dr X at work and Mrs Y outside work, so I have been accustomed to people having more than one name my whole life. Loads of women I know use different names for home and work. I'm surprised there are people who haven't encountered this before