Rape 'jokes'. Wtf is wrong with some people?

[SailAwayWithMeHoney]

Just that really, why do some men feel it's appropriate or funny to make jokes like that?

I've been on a couple of dates with a guy I've been friends with for the best part of nearly 10years. He knows I have ptsd and we were discussing the effects my medication has on me. When I explained that they pretty much incapacitate me (drowsy, can't walk straight, can't type, forget words etc) he replied with " Sweet ill come around then then...easy target "

I was nice. Told him I don't find that funny to which he responded "it's just a joke poppet". Then I (nicely) asked him to explain why it's meant to be funny. Yeah, he really couldn't and instead got shitty with me, said "I'll leave you too it. Take care".

He's since been blocked. But I'm curious as to why some men do it? Do they genuinely think it's funny, or is it more an expression of what they deem an acceptable way to treat women (ie thinking it's fine to take advantage of incapacitated women).
Do they actually not realise that their "harmless jokes" mock and silence survivors (both male and female) and give perpetrators the impression that rape and sexual abuse is funny and acceptable?

What is it about these threads that brings every wisecracker out 🤷‍♀️

Assuming, of course, that that wasn't dripping in sarcasm there rat 🤔

Rape jokes are absolutely disgusting. They're not funny at all and the joke the OP's date made was sickening. I don't know how anyone could find that funny. Also, as pp have pointed out it's a short leap from making rape jokes to actually committing a crime.

I really don't understand why rape jokes are still accepted in society. People seem to think "oh it's just women and they can't take a joke". If someone made a racist joke that person would instantly be villified. So why is it not the same with rape jokes which are misogynistic?

Well actually I left him over some more physical abuse stuff.

The weirdest and scariest thing I ever heard him say was rape related to another guy. We were crossing the road and he almost got knocked down by a MALE cyclist. My dh started screaming 'you fucking cunt blah blah blah' and then said 'I'm going to fucking rape you up you're arse you shit eating blah etc...' it just highlit for me that it really is just about power. He's the most Herero guy I know. He was really high/wasted but it was so creepy .

Well, OP, at least you had a lucky escape there now you know what your friend is really like

I really don't understand why rape jokes are still accepted in society. People seem to think "oh it's just women and they can't take a joke". If someone made a racist joke that person would instantly be villified. So why is it not the same with rape jokes which are misogynistic?

Exactly this. I think they should be treated the same. That said there are still people that claim those who don't find racist or homophobic 'jokes' funny are lacking in a sense of humour and the like.

its been interesting having a mans point of view in there too, I do wonder if the man in my op has gone away and had a think and feels a bit daft. He's actually tried to make contact today but I'm not interested. We can only hope he's thought about it and won't be saying/thinking those things to the next woman 😉

You should listen to American comedians they are funny to a point but they do get personal. Not about rape about the other things you said.

I do wonder if the man in my op has gone away and had a think and feels a bit daft. He's actually tried to make contact today but I'm not interested

Why not ask him Op? Some people see the light bit by bit, some people have that Eureka moment. Either way if he now realises how crass and insensitive he was all is not lost. As i said above, rather apathetically and in ignorance i may have said something similar once. Now i hope i see things differently, but seeing things differently required me being told to take off my male tinted priveledged glasses. I wasn't a bad person i hope, and probably your friend is not a bad person i was just blissfully ignorant.

I think the man in the OP has been more than just daft:

• The rape joke itself.
• Delivering it while the OP was sharing her experience of ptsd.
• Failing to immediately apologise, but rather doubling down and scolding her for not taking the joke.

A joke is a little bit like a penis, if you have to defend getting one out you probably shouldn't have in the first place...

I'm a woman who has been the victim of sexual exploitation/rape etc. I still make rape jokes. I have a mental health illness and witness domestic violence in my childhood... I still make jokes about those topics. I just like dark humour that's so shocking you just think "Surely that's illegal to say?"

Don't get me wrong, I only do it in company where I am assured nobody is going to lose their shit about it. I don't just go around spouting them in public or to people I hardly know.

Regardless, what the man did in your situation was entirely unacceptable. There's a time and place for these types of jokes - in private with those you know are comfortable with it. I would feel exactly the same way as you in that situation.

I think it just doesn't occur to some men who tell these jokes that they might be heard by a rape victim. Others actively don't give a fuck, and some would enjoy it.

And the men who it doesn't occur to, prime example of male privilege. Often they think rape is uncommon and not something women they know would have experienced so they don't think about it.

Lilac - there's a big difference between a victim telling a joke to defuse the horror of the situation they've been through, and the attacker telling a joke to laugh at the person/people they've just victimised. A bit like Jewish humour - whole world of difference between Woody Allen telling a joke about an elderly Jewish couple dressed as a moose ending up mounted on the wall of a country club that doesn't accept Jews as members, and say, a member of the Alt Right. Black humour when Allen does it, cuntishly anti-semitic when a member of the Alt Right does it.

Hedgehog - I actually don't do it to diffuse the horror, because I don't 'feel' rapes or sexually exploited so therefore I don't feel 'horror' when I think back to it. Besides, I was making rape jokes before I became a survivor, and carried on afterwards, so not sure your sentiment works in my situation.

I do, however, do tell DV and MH jokes to make light of painful personal stuff, but I am very careful about who I say thone particular things to. I only do it when I know I'm in the company of people who are similar with their 'gallow' humour, w/e you want to call it.

I don't get offended when people make jokes about the white race (and trust me, black people do... A lot), so not sure why jokes directed at black people or Jewish people are taken so seriously when it seems anyone can poke fun at white people and it's no big deal. It seems like a big double-standard.

Sorry for all my spelling mistakes, people. I really should preview before I send.

I'm also a rape survivor, but when I hear a casual rape joke from a man, my first thought is usually what a sad try-hard tosser they are. I'm not upset by them usually. Except there was one time online where this guy who knew my situation was actively taunting me with it, that was hard.

venus

What a fartweasel.

I'm also a rape survivor, but when I hear a casual rape joke from a man, my first thought is usually what a sad try-hard tosser they are

I suppose humour is subjective but I do wonder about people who go in for edgy humour/ gallows humour/ etc and whether it's remotely as big and clever as they think it is.

Whoever mentioned Woody Allen has a point ; setting aside his personal failings his humour was always intelligent and articulate but not cruel.

I know we can't restrict the arts to only things which are sweetness and light but I do wonder if comedians like Allen, Victoria Wood or John Finnemore really do work harder and more imaginatively to create humour where the only person who is the butt of their jokes is themselves than the Frankie Boyles.

I always liked Boyle as a teen. Then again I was also amused that this particular thread had 69 posts when I just clicked on it, so I suppose I'm just "that woman..." 😉