Wolf whistling, how can it be a compliment?

[Kalizahara]

I was debating this with a friend the other day. She said she likes being beeped or whistled at, it's a compliment.

I really don't understand how any woman can feel flattered by it. Do they not realise that the men doing it don't actually fancy them and do it to anyone with a vagina?

My own experience of catcalling has been horrendous. I've been getting beeped, whistled and hollered at since I was 12-13 years old, I've been honked at with my mother, with my children, had obscenities shouted from van windows. The men doing it often do it from behind and have no way of knowing if they're doing it to a woman or a child. They have no way of knowing if the woman will feel embarrassed or intimidated.

Personally I believe men do it to embarrass and control women, to put them in their place, and often to make fun of them.

I can just about understand a woman not being offended, but how on earth can you be flattered?

What's the mindset there?

I watched a documentary on it recently and a woman walked around London for 4 hours, she endured hundreds of unwanted comments and even a man photographing her bum fgs.

I think maybe whistles and similar were par for the course then, and thought of fairly benign, because society was overtly sexist in a subtly different way. Some other countries I've spent time in are more like this.

I've got enormous boobs and used to get near constant comments every time I left the house. It was awful when I was a young teenager (often heckled when in school uniform) just getting used to the fact that my body had gone crazy. Now I'm older it happens less and it's a massive relief.

I do too, and have not had many comments for a while but a few days ago, I was followed by a lad who looked about 12 (!) shouting for me to get my tits out. He followed me to the doctors and actually waited outside for me to have my appointment and leave then did it all the way back home too. I did eventually snap instead of ignoring it and when he said 'get your tits out man' for the 200th time I told him that he WAS a fucking tit and to go home. This did not deter him unfortunately.

I wasn't intimidated as it was a tiny boy, but when he grows up if he does the same it will be scary for a lot of women. it may even be now for someone less confident than I am tbh. It was creepy that a child was behaving that way though.

I think maybe whistles and similar were par for the course then, and thought of fairly benign, because society was overtly sexist in a subtly different way

I'd have said an entirely unsubtle way - the era of Carry on films and Benny Hill.

It was creepy that a child was behaving that way though.

Sadly it doesn't surprise me at all. I've had such harassment from boys younger than myself, and a friend of mine had abhorrent sexual abuse said to her by two boys in their school uniform revolving around her eating of an ice cream last summer, who also followed her for a couple of minutes. Some of the conversations I've heard boys my age and younger having are horrific too. Hopefully I'm having a positive influence on my brothers on this, though.

Street harassment, in my experience, has been distilled down to the lowest common denominator now.

Your 'cheeky chappie' wolf whistler is in decline because women have publicly objected.

And you're now left with the hard-core misogynists. Which is particularly shocking when it comes from the younger generation. Their agenda has been informed by growing up anonymously behind a keyboard, where they can vent unhindered.

Before social media, we were briefly having something of a hiatus in the street harassment arena, because of the public raising objection. It's going into reverse now.

I was on a crowded train a few years back, stuck with 3 teenage boys in the bit between carriages. They didn't cat call. Instead they had a grossly sexual conversation, clearly intended to upset me.

The stupid boys didn't register that as there were lots of other teens on the train and they were all clearly public school I was easily able to work out which school they attended. I pointed this out with a sweet smile just before they got off. They were horrified. Fucking idiots.

When I got in I called their head teacher. He was mortified. When I described the boys he said he wished he didn't know who they were, unfortunately he did. He called me back to say he had spoken to two of them, with the third waiting outside his office. They were in deep shit. Expensive schools really don't want their students disgusting passers by.

Yay! Go Prawn

Totally agree with you Datun. You articulated the point better than me.

When I said "subtle" earlier I meant the difference, not the misogyny.

Prawn that's very interesting to know given the horrific misogyny I've seen spouted by boys from certain public schools both in person and online...

Report them Amy!

I wish I could venus.

They're so proud of it they write it in their own yearbook though

I will send a photo of it when I can - my brother still attends the said school and gets the newsletter annually. They mentioned the boys raiding the girls' school feminist society talking about how "men are better at everything"...

Of course Lass would think none of this ever happened and men are brilliant and girls are whiners.

Don't make up what I said or think Amy.

I said I have not experienced wolf whistling or cat calling because I haven't.

Once upon a time, back in the stone age, when I was a young feminist who had an unfortunate tendency to be a Cool Girl, I used to try to participate in street harassment by bantering back, and telling myself it was because I was so unutterably hot that men couldn't help themselves

I was struck by this comment because today I was talking to my children in the car about someone who was mean to me at work years ago, and how now i would deal differently with her (then, I froze and apologised and blamed myself).

Tonight I was in a taxi going into town, and at a set of traffics lights noticed lads in a van signalling, gesturing and giggling at me. I rolled down the window, said hello, askedthem their age, told them I was actually old enough to be their mother (I look young for 45; they were early 20s), and said how uncool it was to speak to someone's mum or big sister that way. I hate to sound priggish but you just have to call people out on bad behaviour calmly and coolly.

I've been wolf-whistled at and cat-called many times. I find it objectifying and humiliating. It is also threatening, especially when it happens in the evening or at night when I may be walking home and feel vulnerable.

I guess I sort of understand how some women can find it a compliment, but there is a huge difference between "what a pretty girl" which has been said about me within my hearing, and I could take as a compliment or "hey, nice ass!" which just makes me feel objectified and like a piece of meat.

My favourite thing about being catcalled is the little frisson of rapefear that runs through me as I mentally debate which is safer, smiling vaguely as if I am not terrified or pretending I haven't heard.

I think it was most fun in my early teens.

I can't remember which poster said it, but there is a huge difference between admiration and objectification.

In my experience I have only been cat-called when wearing revealing clothing, and it makes me feel sexy. I like knowing men want me, even if they are dirty perverts in a van. What can I say? I'm a whore for attention.

But I'm the same woman who used to feel excited walking down dark streets with groups of men hanging around as a teen. I got-off on the adrenaline, so I may just have a problem!

Ive experienced two different kinds. When i was very overweight in my twenties i got abuse shouted at me about my size.

Post weight loss and now in my forties i get comments about my breasts (im a 32 HH the back size decreased more than the cup size did. )

I also get the odd proper compliment (told im beautiful) the latest one was Do you want to come for a ride in the sports car ive just bought"

I will admit that i like getting the odd compliment (spending a lot of years as obese when i was younger and the abuse i got did affect me) but the cat calling gets on my last nerve. It doesnt happen as often now just occasionally.