Treated like a child - is this a feminist issue?

[AgeingArtemis]

I am in my early twenties, a third year student on a professional course.

I was supposed to attend a teaching session, which I missed. I won't go into the reasons, it was it was fully my fault, but it is very very unlike me (I have never missed a session before) and there was a reason behind it.

I sent a email profusely apologising to the person leading the session, and she replied saying for me to come and see her. I thought that she was being kind and was going to explain to me how I could catch up (e.g. recommending some reading or something).

When I arrived at her office she immediately started to scold me, telling me my reason wasn't good enough etc. This I can understand. But she acted like she was a teacher at primary school or something- she even called me a "naughty girl!" I was too shocked and upset to stick up for myself (I have some childhood issues so tend to cower when being "told off"). I felt small and ashamed.

I agree I was the wrong, but I don't think it's acceptable for her to treat me like a child. I realised that if I were a young man this would NEVER have happened and that really pissed me off.

What was the context, Dre?
Sorry for the delay in replying - he was caught misusing University computers and hence got banned from the IT systems. When he appealed to a senior academic the academic replied something along the lines of 'stop wasting my time you immature boy.' Fair enough in my opinion! He was a first year undergraduate.

SomeDyke - yes, I hear you. See my earlier post - we're on the same page about this. I suspect that that OP feels she should have been helped, rather than told off. So she is extra outraged now, hence her post, which is really manufacturing a sense of sexist treatment, IMO.

One could read her narration of the whole incident as edging (just) towards snowflakery: OP expected to be praised for her effusive apologies, and told it would all be OK< and it didn't matter that she missed a session for no appropriate reason, but instead was actually treated like an adult: told the consequences of her actions. Hence the outraged tone. Perhaps.

Actually I think she was just humiliated at being called girl - she's made that pretty clear.

OK, that's alright then. Clearly you think not turning up to a teaching session is fine

Not really, no. I've taught in places where it is and isn't fine. But I'm not wasting my time preparing classes if even one student turns up ... Remember that from amateur acting days - an audience of 1 deserves the same as an audience of 100. I've had students not turn up for a plethora of reasons including illness, domestic violence, crime, childminding fail, bereavement, inability to pay for transport, having to care for others ... endless reasons.

Because some of us actually do care and do try and do the best for our students, even if sometimes doing the best means trying to give them a bollocking and trying to get them to grow up a bit before they get savaged in the outside world..................

But I'd never, ever refer to a student as a naughty girl. That's infantalising them, not making them grow up. I also don't always just assume that they are snowflakes. Mine have amazingly complex lives and often their reasons for missing class reflect this and actually demonstrate quite adult responsibilities including taking on parental roles for younger siblings, caring for mentally ill parents and working to help pay rent on the family home when parents can't. I've had them turn up under the most amazing circumstances too - and I admire their resilience. I think my institution should care more about attendance than it does - but that's another story.

"I sent a email profusely apologising to the person leading the session, and she replied saying for me to come and see her. I thought that she was being kind and was going to explain to me how I could catch up....."

This is the line that keeps grating with me. 'I'm not your Mum!' might be my gut response. I fully understand why some women react like this, I fully understand why this style of approach quite often works with younger women and older men, I quite understand that some cultures have different expectations...........

But it's not the attitude we/I are trying to encourage in out students. You're an adult who has to take responsibility for their own learning and their own failures. Okay I don't think it is a brilliant phrase to use to a student, the 'naughty girl' one, but if someone was acting like one...........

If the phrase is sexist, it's because the situation we are talking about (lecturer/student decaying into teacher/child, or even worse parent/child dynamics, rather than adult and another adult who is in a position of authority (and who will be marking your exam)) is coloured by the sex of the participants because our society is! In fact, I think the phrase worked because the recipient has certainly had to think about things a bit! Even if the conclusion they have come to (it's sexist for her to call me that) possibly isn't the one the lecturer wanted!

The reason for the absence does matter BTW -- if due to an unavoidable accident/illness/medical emergency/family energency etc etc, then most lecturers will see is as their responsibility to help the student as best they can. If it's just cos someone couldn't be arsed getting up..................then perhaps not (I can't afford to buy all such students alarm clocks, although since so few seem to even have a watch nowadays, maybe cheap LOUD alarm clocks might be a good thing for freshers week!)

The OP said they had a reason and the lack of attendance was unusual. I also think that if they are not going to refer to a 44 year old as a girl then they should not refer to a 24 year old as a girl. We dont know if they would or would not in this case, but somehow I doubt it. Yes, that phrase made me raise my eyebrows too, but then I'd never ask to see a student without telling them why. Ditto, if my manager asks to see me I expect to be told why.

I've just come back and read everything so bear with me.

The reason for the absence does matter BTW - I lost my bag the day before the teaching session and inside my bag was my planner where I write down all my appointments etc. I hadn't read ahead in the planner (Yes, my fault) so although I am obviously familiar with my usual timetable I wasn't aware that I had this one-off session the next day. I then received this email saying I missed the session, to which I replied, apologizing.

This thread seems to have turned into a discussion as to whether I am a "snowflake" I think perhaps I didn't phrase things as well as I could have in my original post. I absolutely wasn't EXPECTING to be helped at all- I messed up, it's up to me to fix it, not her! But when she replied to my email (which I wasn't even really expecting a reply to) saying "Come and see me" I didn't really know what to expect.

So the general consensus seems to be that AIBU to think it's sexist, and that lecturers (she's not exactly a lecturer- it's hard to explain- but I guess that's close enough) often bollock students like kids Fair enough.