"If the lecturer didn't want her time wasted she could have simply ignored her communication.........." The time and effort wasted for me would have been preparing for the original session, then having to faff about with whoever saw fit not to turn up for whatever reason! Because when students don't attend at my uni, we are expected to check why they didn't, deal appropriately if there is a reason for the absence, and also deal with it if there isn't a good reason. Which all takes time and effort. So I can quite understand trying to get a bit grumpy with someone who just misses stuff with no reason (and who from the original post seemed to expect the lecturer to be 'nice' and offer advice on how she could catch up). I might even see why someone would berate someone for acting like a naughty child, in that many students don't always make the transition well from being children at school to being adults at uni. I can understand why someone might say ' stop acting like/expecting to be treated like a naughty girl at school, you're an adult so start acting like one'.
So I think I can see why, if really pushed, I might use such phrasing to a woman, or to a man, if I was really miffed and they kept doing the 'naughty schoolchild' thing. Yes, I would appreciate the different dynamic between a female lecturer and a female student, and a male student. And also appreciate the considerably different dynamic between, say, an older male lecturer and a younger female student, where calling someone 'a naughty girl' would be very creepy, sexist, and frankly very worrying.................
But a female lecturer berating a fellow female for acting like a naughty girl. I'd have to be really pushed to say that. But I could appreciate, I think, why some women might. Even if part of the motivation is trying to get women to 'man-up', and acknowledge they will have to try really hard and act like responsible professional adults, even if some men will still see them as girls and non-adults however hard they try...........
"I was too shocked and upset to stick up for myself.........." Perhaps, to be honest, that is the very reaction she was trying to shock you out of! I'd expect an adult to be able to stand up for themselves somewhat better. Also, a profuse apology isn't really the point, since if a group session that can still run, no skin off my nose really if someone doesn't turn up. Might piss off the others in the group, might mess up their group work, but the lecturer? Nope, barely notice. The person who really is going to be effected (affected? I never can recall!) is the one who misses. Hence a stop being bloody daft (and childish, I can feel it coming on!) and get the basics right and attend, 'cos no matter how profuse your apologies, It's not my responsibility if you mess up and fail, it's yours, so grow-up and get on with it...........................
Or maybe I just have particularly worrysome students at the moment, who keep thinking it is my responsibility to make sure they pass, or my job to tell them off if they haven't done the work. 'I'm not your Mum' keeps running through my head sometimes, but I haven't said it yet! :-)