Women and Christmas

[Smartleatherbag]

Apologies if this has been done to death, but may I have a short rant with the like minded?
Everywhere right now, at the school gates, work, on social media, women are running themselves ragged while their male partners do sweet fa, or very little. So many women take on this responsibility and have it foisted on them.
It drives me potty!
My husband is in charge of Christmas here. I have health problems, so it's always fallen to him, apart from cooking. All the shopping, gifts, cards, organising, he does it. So then I get the 'ooh you've got him well trained" thing. No. Any adult can do these things.

[amispartacus]

I feel the need to mention this advert from 2012

Asda - Christmas, Mum is behind it.

You only have to read many of the threads on MN to see the pressure women are under - and to ask why it is so...

There have been threads on MN discussing reasons why.

[LineyReborn]

Interesting. Do women create Christmas?

[amispartacus]

op

This thread makes interesting reading


//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2804894-Christmas-is-a-feminist-issue?

[Cleebope]

My DH does loads... buys many presents and wraps most of them and always gets me a thoughtful card and present, sorts the tree and decorations, cooks for parties. But he refuses to send cards, thinks it's pointless. I agree that women create many expectations for themselves and judge other women too. Men only give a shit about a good roast dinner. We should look at ourselves and not blame the men. We should re-invent Christmas as less showy. We can sometimes be our own worst enemy in many walks of life. We put too much pressure on ourselves as women. Our mothers also pressurise daughters and daughters in laws. Even my granny used to value a clean house over exam results. We can change this! Just do what you want to do.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

Do women create Christmas?

As usual at this time of year there are threads about "Christmas Eve boxes"

When did they become a thing?

[SenecaFalls]

I understand your point, OP, and I do think that there are huge societal expectations about Christmas being perfect, especially for children, and much of that falls on women. I think it must be worse in the UK than in the States where I am, based on MN threads, because Christmas is a much bigger thing in the UK.

Somehow I have managed to be largely immune. I have always had a job that was very busy during December and as a result, I did and do not have time to go OTT. Also, I am not all that fond of Christmas. (Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.) So DH has always done a lot of the decorating and all of the present buying.

I think it helps to simplify the whole thing for everyone. In our family we only give presents to children, not to adults. We decorate simply, just the tree and a door wreath. We don't send Christmas cards. We have a simple Christmas dinner.

We do celebrate the New Year in a big way (Scottish heritage), but that is not a female-intensive celebration.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

Christmas is turning into a monster in the UK. The run up starts earlier and earlier.

I'm not a fan and leave everything as late as I can. I don't put up Christmas tree.

One thing which strikes me is that whilst in my lifetime Christmas was not even an official public holiday in Scotland the holiday period for workers like me has got longer.

My office closed at 5 on the 22nd until Wednesday 28th, then closed on the 30th until Wednesday 4th January. Almost nobody will actually working the 2 days in between.

At the other extreme many shops, cinemas and the like which used to be closed 25th and 26th and 1st and 2nd January will only be closed on the 25th. Retail workers will be working late on the 24th and then back in early for the sales on the 26th. It feels quite divisive.

[deydododatdodontdeydo]

As usual at this time of year there are threads about "Christmas Eve boxes"
When did they become a thing?

This is a new one on me?
What's a Christmas Eve Box?

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

How do you know their partners do sweet fa?
Is it assumed that the women will do it all?
Certainly not in my circle of friends and family

No nor mine.

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

I never realised how much my mum did for Christmas until the year she was incapacitated needed an op, recovered well but was out of action for a few months

Dad did pretty well with it, oddly they split household tasks evenly. Cooking, washing up, cleaning and laundry done equally (possibly dad a bit more as mum worked longer hours).

But Christmas was pretty much mums thing - especially present buying.

[ChocChocPorridge]

The thing is, Christmas isn't just for me - it isn't really for me at all, it's for the kids.

The kids like a Christmas tree with flashing lights and tinsel, so we have this (and me and the kids decorated it). The kids like a limited amount of Christmas cookies (well.. no, the youngest would like an unlimited amount, but that wouldn't be good for him) - so we made and decorated one batch together, me and the kids. The kids enjoy a stocking and some presents, so I spent the last month buying bits and pieces and wrapping them.

At any point, DP could have stepped up and done some of this. Not for him, but for the kids. He didn't. It took him 3 tries to go out and buy the main present that with some heavy hinting (because I'm not his boss - I'm not going to 'delegate' to him) he thought the kids would like. I'm not a martyr - I only do presents for my family, I'm not going to run myself ragged, DP isn't an idiot, he has a well paid job, he does some stuff around the house and with the kids - he just doesn't see this extra stuff, the stuff that I know the kids will remember when they're older, as his responsibility.

So I shrug. I spend the time cutting out snowflakes with the kids or whatever, he wonders why the kids don't obey him as much, or prefer to follow me around the supermarket like ducklings, or pile onto my lap the moment I stop moving - and this is the reason, because I put them first and he doesn't. I'm prepared to put the work in and spend time doing things with them, and he doesn't - entirely his choice. Makes me a little sad for him actually.

[whattheseithakasmean]

Yup, OP wanted an all girls together, men are beasts, soothing back rub of a post and instead got a bunch of smart, together; women kicking back against her premise. Howe dare those uppity women be doing feminism wrong

[Longtalljosie]

Christmas is turning into a monster in the UK. The run up starts earlier and earlier.

This isn't true. I am in my 40s now but from 16-21 worked at a high street chain every Christmas. The local chamber of commerce agreed the Xmas decs would go up in the second week of October. Until recently when Hallowe'en exploded in the UK, it was the same every year, and everyone would insist it was earlier and earlier, and I'd think to myself "nope, still the second week of Oct!". Now with Hallowe'en in the shops it doesn't really get going until November so it's actually later!

OP, I think you're right - but I also think male family roles are linear, not progressive. Essentially men will do as much as their own dads did. LOL at the idea that all these women who are doing all of Christmas by themselves have to do is mention to their other halves that they could do with a hand.

[ChocChocPorridge]

'he wonders why the kids don't obey him as much, "

Ok you don't like delegate but 'obey' is ok fconfused

DP is an adult - he doesn't need to delegate or obey.

The children are children, they sometimes need to obey - for example 'STOP' or 'Put the ipad down, it's time for dinner'

[ChocChocPorridge]

Sorry, still possibly confusing, DP doesn't need to be delegated to or obey me. Kids do.

[GreatPointIAgreeWithYouTotally]

I love how OP assumes that everyone who is not in agreement with her rant is inherently thick.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

OK, for the hard of understanding, by discussion I meant an invitation to suggest reasons for the cultural phenomenon of women, as a class, doing all the fucking work, followed by posters suggesting why these are or aren't significant, etc etc.

Not hard of understanding thank you.

Just don't agree.

HTH

[titsbumfannythelot]

Completely agree with what piglet and guava said.

[ChocChocPorridge]

Well I'd suggest your dh does need something whether it's delegation, discussion, a chat, whatever you want to call it. I'd suggest next year you say 'right whose doing what this year' or you can carry on hoping he just guesses? Maybe post in relationships next time you may get better ideas

LOL - yes, well, obviously Christmas has been spoken about (it's not like it comes as a surprise after all) - but no-one issues me with a list of tasks, I just have a look around and a think and come up with some. I would expect DP to be able to do the same - I'm blowed if I'm going to do it for him!

As I said, the relationship is fine, I'm not cross with him - if he doesn't want to do this stuff, he doesn't have to - but I'm not going to do it for him. I'm going to do stuff for the kids and me, and he can join in or plan stuff (or not) as he chooses. Live is too short to spend it trying to persuade a grown adult to involve himself.

[amispartacus]

Even my granny used to value a clean house over exam results. We can change this! Just do what you want to do

I heard somewhere that people spend a lot of money just redecorating the house for Christmas

It is interesting the number of threads on MN about feeling judged by others (especially the MIL) and feeling blamed if cards aren't written, presents aren't brought, the food isn't perfect etc. I wonder what threads will be written on Christmas day when things aren't going to plan?

I do hope women aren't made to feel guilty by others if the Christmas isn't what 'it should be'. But then again, what should Christmas be?

For some people,Christmas comes in a van.......

[whattheseithakasmean]

I think xmas as got a lot like weddings. As there is so much more disposal income a load of consumer products have been created in response and some people feel the need to go completely over the top in a frenzy of conspicuous consumption.

[amispartacus]

As there is so much more disposal income a load of consumer products have been created in response and some people feel the need to go completely over the top in a frenzy of conspicuous consumption

There must be a 'law' for that

The amount of pointless crap to buy expands in response to the amount of disposable income available.

(and it must be hard for people without much income to create the 'image' of a perfect Christmas)