Am i supposed to be afraid?

[Bikermum82]

Ive been reading alot of posts on here and theres alot of things about how women feel unsafe walking at night or when out alone.

Ive never personally felt this as i often go for walks late at night or early morning on my own and its never crossed my mind its a bad thing to do. Am i just being niave?

I'm always wary when walking alone in dark or secluded areas but I think it's because I got followed a few times when I was younger. Once all the way home, I ran into my house and the guy kept banging on the door and shouting through the letter box. Another time I went into a shop and the men who worked there told me to sit down while they scared him off outside. I'm always so grateful to them.

I remember going for a walk a long the southbank with female friend around 3am on a really hot night, we could not sleep. The builders along the river footpath told us it was not safe and not to do it. That stuck with me because we had not thought about it.

I'm afraid to walk alone anywhere dark and/or secluded. Emphasis on being alone.

I do think it's naive not to be wary. Same goes for things like locking car doors through traffic and locking doors at home.

Statistically you are probably more likely to be the victim of a sex attack in the company of a man you know, but I suppose I feel the type of attack that might happen on a secluded walk at night might be the type where I end up dead.

It's not just about rape but muggings or being beaten up just because.

I do live in a big city with a high crime rate, lots of muggings, stabbings, gangs and drugs.

I think for me, I've known quite a few unsavoury characters.

When I was in my teens I had a friend and she had an older boyfriend. He was a drug addict and would go for a late night walk every night and apparently 'find' money, mobile phones and wallets on his travels.

I knew of another man, friend of an uncle and he murdered someone for some scratch card winnings walking home.

The thoughts of bumping into someone like that terrifies me.

I know what you mean but sometimes you find yourself in a position where there is no choice but to walk through a dark or secluded area or you have to make a snap decision where there is no "safe" option. There never is a safe option, in anything, actually.

No one expects you not to choose to mitigate risk based on your own perception of it. Whats not fair is to blame victims for being in a particular situation or put any responsibility on them for being attacked by violent criminals.

Oh absolutely, personally I'd never blame a victim for anything but especially not a sex attack, given the nature of the crime I think it's very important not to blame the victim.

I'm only speaking of my personal feelings about walking alone.

I have been raped and didn't read venusinscorpio's post as "telling victims what's best"

I conclude that there is no way for women to protect themselves from being raped or sexually assaulted. These type of attacks happen in all circumstances and if a rapist wants to rape someone then they will.

Oh and we had vans broken into on our driveway in the middle of the day on a main road.

Being alone in a secluded place just makes me feel very vulnerable.

I have actually, thanks for your concern, user. I'm not sure what part of my post you disagreed with?

I agree that secluded and dark areas are intimidating and make you feel vulnerable and certainly believe there should be better street lighting where appropriate.

We've noticed a lot less people walk around as it gets dark and it feels less safe as a result. My husband has commented on it too - he feels uneasy as it is so quiet at night time. If someone does choose to do something hideous there is nobody around to help. I've always walked when and where I want. It's only recently I've felt more afraid.

Yea I agree with you Lighthouse. I suppose what you are used to makes a difference as well. I moved from London to another huge city for university, and some of my flatmates were from very rural places and found the city intimidating. But when I went to their family homes, I'd be the one that felt intimidated by how isolated we were and the cows . and we'd be walking around late at night in the middle of nowhere, with no one to help if something happened.

Or jumping in their tipsy boyfriend's car because there was no public transport. I protested a little at the time but had no other way of getting back - I didn't know her address, didn't have a taxi number etc, it was before smartphones... I just thought it was a given that we'd get a nightbus home. How naive. Now, many years later, I'm horrified about this! I'd think nothing of a child of mine walking home after dark once they're old enough, but I'd faint if they got in a car with a drunk driver. I digress...

Depends where you are walking I suppose but I don't feel afraid walking alone at night, especially not in the town I live in now (small and safe - most crime here is to do with drugs so if you're not hanging around with drug dealers you're pretty safe), despite my mum always going on about how dangerous it is to walk alone in the dark.

Only place I really felt scared walking alone at night was in Russia, its a whole different place there.

I love walking at night and always have. But having grown up in a rough neighbourhood I learnt early on that if you walk with all the assurance in the world, men are less likely to mess with you.

I think I actually feel safer in the dark (that's an odd thing to say I know). I like that there are fewer people around. And those who are around cant see me very well.

You get fewer men leering out of cars at you in the dark for a start and less of the 'everyday' kind of harassment that you sometimes get when you are walking to the library during the day or something. I'm thinking of the "Give us a smile, love, might never happen" kind of unwanted attention.

There seems to be less common-or-garden harassment or unwanted attention in the dark. But of course, I suspect that statistically the most violent, serious, incidents are more prevalent during dark hours.

Lighthouseturquoise" wrote - "Statistically you are probably more likely to be the victim of a sex attack in the company of a man you know, but I suppose I feel the type of attack that might happen on a secluded walk at night might be the type where I end up dead."

Unfortunately, for women in the UK, the type of attack where you are most likely to end up dead is an attack by a man you know.

Vesuvia that's actually true yes.

Being afraid serves no practical purpose.

And if you are not approached by creepy men, then the area where you walk home alone at night is probably safe.

(Also, everyone should go see the movie "A girl walks home alone at night". That really helped me with my night related fears.)