Best response to Smile luv, it might never happen!

[aliasjoey]

I posted in Feminism because this is nearly always said by a man to a woman. I don't know if it's that some men think women are just there for them to look at, therefore have to be smiley and pretty?

Or maybe it's me, I just have a Bitchy Resting Face.

I just wish I had the perfect reply.

Trouble with the 'somebody died' etc comments is that by saying 'smile' they've done a power trip and by telling them personal information you have, in a wierd way, indulged that. They are just total creeps who should be completely ignored IMO.

Is it just a power-play or are we actually expected to respond?

You are expected to smile and look pretty and give them an ego boost. I wouldn't say it's necessarily a conscious power play but it definitely shows a level of entitlement that they are owed the interaction and a positive response.

Some of them may even believe they have managed to cheer you up by making you smile, but again, they do it for the warm fuzzies that idea gives them, and lack any insight into what does and doesn't make other people (women) happy.

fldsmdr - Well fuck me. I've failed the femininity test yet again because I had no idea they were actually serious!

Noted for next time i will flutter my eyelashes say shucks my day has been made 😂

Can I briefly be a woman under 50 again, merely for the lasting pleasure of saying to one of these dickheads "dance minion, so that your antics may please me"? :D

Lizzieoak - me too, please! (I am now wearing my menopausal cloak-of-invisibility).

YetAnotherSpartacus I'm not saying there aren't plenty who are quite used to getting a scowl in response, and probably quite enjoy that too, because if you fail to smile at them you are automatically a stuck up bitch and pissing you off is therefore also a good thing. Which is why my favoured response (not that it has happened to me for a while) is a deliberate unfocusing of my eyes and look through them as if they're not there.

As a teenager I got told to 'smile' a lot, and even though I was a fairly aware proto-feminist, I responded with a bashful smile almost every time, because my conditioning was strong. I still want to go back and tell the arseholes off.

My usual reply is Why?

That normally stumps the troglodytes.

I've always had serious bitchy resting face so I used to get this a lot when younger, however bearing in mind I was a Nurse 95% of the time I had very little reason to smile on on own time. I was Mary fricking sunshime while on duty (where appropriate).

Best/worst response to this shit was a punch in the face.

We had a porter who was constantly saying this to female patients/visitors, several complained, several of us complained on thier behalfs.

We got the 'we'll have a word' 'He's only being friendly' 'It's only banter' How I hate that word..............

The thing was if a woman didn't respond or respond negatively, there was always a muttered comment; usually along the line of fucking bitch/ miserable cunt.

Anyway he did his smile it might never happen to a woman coming out of the bereavement office, yes really, and when she didn't respond muttered the usual comment; however her husband was attempting to catch up with her and heard the comment.

He asked him to repeat what he'd said which he did with a laugh, I believe the exact words were 'I just told the miserable bitch to smile, women eh?'

Husband punched him twice before someone intervened.

Sad that it took violence for this micro aggression to be taken seriously.

But considering the circumstances he got away very very lightly

I cursed out some builders for doing this recently. And I found their site manager and told him it's not the fucking 70s. I was with my daughter, she's nine and she'll be getting that crap in a few short years, which gives me the mother-bear rage!

No one's ever said it to me. I used to rather enjoy a wolf whistle until I hit my 40s.

Good for you shins. What was the site manager's response?

I had this in school from a male classmate followed up by a "what you need is a good shag to sort you out." My reply, uttered with teeth-clenching bitter fury, went along the lines of "my parents are divorcing. You fucking me will not put my shattered family back together, you twat." He was mortified and very, very apologetic. Although, on the basis of this thread, I conceded ground by giving a resson. i like to think it gave him pause for thought before saying this in future.

buuny applauds the husband

To be totally honest a lot of us smiled when we heard…😁

Seriously though, as a recent thread showed (about an adult telling a child the wrong price for something, can't remember the exact name) these micro aggressions happen all the time and are excused all the time.

He apologised! So that was something.

"Give me something to smile about, then." With bored, deadpan voice.

Though I did appreciate the opportunity to unleash venom and tears when some dick said it and I actually was on my way to a funeral.

Funny how no-one's felt the need to tell me to smile since I turned 30.

Wow, that's the most responses I've ever had to a thread I started. Which just goes to show how often this still happens, even in this day and age.

My favourite so far (apart from 'dance, minion' ! ) is I'm smiling on the inside.

But as people have pointed out, any kind of answer- even the on my way to a funeral kind - basically gives them what they want, a reaction. But a non reaction then leads to insults about being a snob or whatever.

We can't win.

i don't find it offensive just annoying. i cannot stand strangers trying to be randomly funny eg "hot/cold enough for you then?" the other day i had a small takeaway and was at the bus stop with it waiting for my bus. this old man is like, "don't take your takeaway out your bag unless it is a sausage sandwich? " i'm thinking "you don't know me and i don'y understand the joke!" urggg. it does always seem to be men though that try this weird nosey small talk

Ginty - I think he wanted to see you eat sausage (= fellatio).

"it is always said by a man to a woman."

Rubbish: I'm a man and I've been told that on more than one occasion - including by a woman.

It's rude and annoying, but it's not a gender issue.

'Smile love, it may never happen'
'May I point out that men who tell women to smile, are usually the ones they want to smile least at? Hows about just letting women get on with their day and stop harassing them to perform for you?'

It's rude and annoying, but it's not a gender issue.

Hahahahahaha.

Mansplaining at it's best.

Rubbish: I'm a man and I've been told that on more than one occasion - including by a woman.

Perhaps she was trying to give you a taste of your own medicine!

Chuckbiscuits: How is it mansplaining? I was just stating my opinion. Men say it to women, men say it to men, women say it to men, and no doubt women say it to women, so I'm not seeing a gender or sexism angle to this.

As for a taste of my own medicine: I've never and would never say this to anyone. It's a stupid and rude thing to say to someone.

"It'll fucking well happen to you if you don't shut the fuck up"

I only smile at things I like.
Said with a slightly bemused expression.