'Attractive'/'feminine' women treated differently in everyday social interactions?

[TwoLittleChickens]

Just something that happened a few weeks ago which has stuck in my mind and I wanted to share it somewhere.

I was with a friend, we're both in our late 20s, and we went to buy ice cream and coffee from a kiosk. The young man who served me was friendly and helpful. He said things like "What can I get for you love?" and "would you like chocolate on that my love?". Then it was my friends turn to order. She is overweight and I suppose I would describe her as having a less typically 'feminine' face, and it was as if he completely changed personality. It was just something plain like "Can I take your order?" Maybe I am projecting and it was nothing to do with attractiveness but it's stuck in my mind, I am not sure if my friend even noticed it to be honest but if I was her I might have felt a little bit insulted.

After this I have been noticing a lot more often when I get served in shops or cafes that men talk to me in this way. Although I'm a feminist I do not mind being called "love" and "sweetie" in these contexts, but I obviously wouldn't want to be spoken to this way at work. I always saw it as just a gendered version of saying "Alright mate what can I get for you?".

(Not sure if this is relevant but I feel like adding that I'm not claiming to be an especially attractive woman - but being slim, young, with average looks and conventional clothing, I suppose I do fit in with western beauty ideals to some extent)

We all know that many opportunities do depend on looking a certain way or fitting in with beauty ideals - especially careers such as acting or modelling. And I've heard people saying "pretty" women get special treatment/freebies/favours more easily, but this is something I have not noticed in real life - only minor things like the one I described above. I guess what I'm really asking is if you have ever noticed differences like this in real life?

"What makes you think you can just walk in and get what we need?"

"They're called boobs, Ed."

interesting views
I have a baby face, so in spite of being 40 I find that both men and women tend to take a protective attitude. I am petite as well (though I have gained weight) and do a lot of muscle work. Around offices I often find both men and women saying "don't carry that" because there seems to be an assumption that a small woman can't be strong.

Funniest occasion was on aeroplane with my sister, a woman actually said to her husband (just as we were about to lift our bags into the overhead locker) "ooh do you think you should help those girls...oh wait, no, they don't need any help!" - this last as we lifted them (my sister is very slim and can lift twice the weight I can).

Interesting assumptions all round.

Babies I find are also very useful for this...I do about 10x more random chit chatting now I have a baby in a pushchair.

I always try to dress a bit more smartly now I've had the baby as otherwise people think I'm a lot younger than I am.

It can be as simple and clichéd as wearing glasses. As a life-size long speccy person I can tell you that wearing specs cancels out any average amount of effort made with hair, make- up etc. Silly assumptions about being unapproachable due to intelligence etc.. if you go OTT you may manage to trigger someone's sexy librarian fantasies but generally I found, in my younger days, it was : specs off= attention, specs on = invisible.

I agree with some PPs who think the cons outweigh the pros. I find that people often don't take me seriously in tricky situations such as complaining or asking for a refund. I have far fewer problems if I have a man with me - even if he's just hovering in the background! It's been less of an issue at work.

TwoLittleChickens wrote - "we went to buy ice cream and coffee from a kiosk. The young man who served me was friendly and helpful. He said things like "What can I get for you love?" and "would you like chocolate on that my love?"... Although I'm a feminist I do not mind being called "love" and "sweetie" in these contexts, but I obviously wouldn't want to be spoken to this way at work."

You were spoken to this way at work. Of course, it wasn't in your workplace while you were doing your work, it was at his workplace while he was doing his work. Why is his use of the terms "love" and "sweetie" more acceptable in his workplace?

The term "lady lawyer" was widely used before about 1980 and it is still used but much less often now. For example:

www.thebalance.com/the-dos-and-don-ts-of-dressing-as-a-lady-lawyer-2164333