New mothers need the whole story about AP.

[wenchystrumpet]

I believe some attachment parents are being disingenous when they say their approach was easier for them (compared to other ways one can be a loving mother).

AP approaches are associated with severe and long term sleep deprivation. So, AP may have other benefits, but is being easier generally one of them?

I acknowledge that AP may well be experienced as easier by some individuals.

My contention is that out of the chorus of voices saying "I'm so lazy" there must be a fair few who have hurt their backs from wearing a sling or got depressed from being housebound and are just not acknowledging this part of their experience.

Why is this a problem? It's a problem because I think new mothers are being told only part of the story about AP. Having had no experience of parenting at all, they hear many (but no doubt not all) AP advocates suggesting that this is an easy way to be a mother, when in fact it is a very intense way to mother.

Mothers with mental health concerns, for example, may not find it easier to scale back their work in favour of spending long hours mothering without the balance that work outside the home can provide.

And yes I know AP is an 'approach' or a 'toolkit' but everyone knows certain ways of doing things are considered preferable.

I have few regrets, but I think it would have been nice to figure slings out.

I never really managed to get it working.

It always looks so easy and nice, but when I did it it was always uncomfortable and awkward.

I probably needed someone to show me the ropes, but I didn't have anybody.

I hadn't heard of attachment parenting when my dd was a baby. I came across the concept when she was a toddler, and found that it had much in common with my own instinctive way of parenting.

I did work when dd was a baby, though I was able to organise my day so that most of my work was done while dd was asleep. I co-slept, because that seemed to be the best way for us to all get some rest. I bf exclusively on demand for the first six months and then continued with bf until dd was nearly three, because that's what she seemed to need. I carried her a lot because that stopped her from crying. I followed my instincts as a parent because that's what felt right.

I wasn't under pressure to do any of this, it's how I wanted to parent. Lots of people around me followed very strict GF type routines, so if there was any pressure, it was probably more along those lines, but I found that way of parenting to be completely alien to me and so I did my own thing.

No pressure, no suffering. If it doesn't suit you, though, do something else instead.

Everybody should just do what the fuck they like, as long as they love their children. I don't see how it is anybody else's business. OP, I think it is pretty rich of you to call those of us for whom AP has worked (brilliantly in my case) disingenuous, all the while having started a thread deliberately to bash people like us. What a waste of everybody's precious time this is.

I don't think it's being advertised anywhere, is it?!
It was a few years down the line for me before I even heard the term "attachment parenting" and realised I was ticking a few of the boxes. I actually found it quite comforting that there were people saying it's ok to co-sleep - I'd been doing it against the 'official recommendations' just so I could get some sleep!
I don't think AP is harmful at all, I mean any school of thought can be if you feel like you must follow it to the extreme, but I think most people just do what they do and now there's a word for it.

Just read this article, which reminded me that the UK has one of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world. Only 1 in 200 women breastfeed to a year. This article suggests that it's due to social pressures over routine and sleep.

Another reminder that the pressures tend to be anti-AP rather than pro...

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/sep/09/low-uk-breastfeeding-rates-down-to-social-pressures-over-routine-and-sleep

'Now the hysteria over "screen time" looks like a genuine feminist issue to me. The minute a woman can eat a meal in peace or get her hair done without drama the whole western world seems to go into a moral panic. I let both my kids watch CBeebies quite a bit because it was good for my mental health.'

As someone currently wondering what is too much (or rather too reliant on) screen time might be, and whether to put the effort into getting our of it, I am loving this perspective!