My son is sexist.

[Clarabumps]

My son has just turned 9.

Dp has always treated me with the utmost respect and although I am a stay at home mum, I have free financial rein and I have never felt in any way held back by my non working outside the home status if you know what I mean.
My son has increasingly been making sexist statements about strength and abilities of women to do things. I'd consider myself a feminist as is dp and I'm honestly struggling to find out where these views are coming from.
"Sure boys are far stronger than girls?"
"A woman can't be a builder"
"Boys are better at maths and stuff than girls"
I'm totally dumbfounded. He says things like this a lot. I keep reiterating that women can do anything a man can do but I'm not sure I'm doing enough.
I don't know if it's the fact that I'm at home that he sees my role as worthless. Maybe I'm over thinking this. I'd appreciate any advice on where to go from here. I feel both me and dps are talking to the wall when trying to combat this.
It really seems ingrained in society. It's worrying me.

Shared parental leave is available and fathers have always had as much right as mothers to request flexible working.

Mums and tots clubs - have you an example in mind? Most sure start stuff etc is just called "play and learn" or similar these days.

What rights for single fathers are you after?

Men shouldn't have access to women's organisations eg refuges etc but are welcome to start their own.

Mumsnet is a business - strapline by parents for parents. Dad's post here too, just as dads shop in Mothercare.

Dads post here too. FYAC.

" the concept of women and children first when abandoning ship."

When was this last a thing? On the Titanic?

I don't think the fact that Clarabumps is a SAHM is behind these comments from her son- it's rather naive to underestimate the influences on a 9 year old boy from outside the home. I have many friends who share work in the home and outside the home roughly equally and make a conscious effort to give their children of both genders messages that gender does not define their role in life or abilities etc. Yet by the middle of junior school they have all started to make gender biased comments (eg. pink is for girls, girls should have long hair, tidying up is for girls, bikes/cars are boys toys, boys will be better at building things etc).

Similarly, when my DC were young I worked in a very male dominated industry and DH was a SAHP. I am not the sort of person who wears frilly things, any tons of make-up etc. But when playing dolls with friends my DD would always allocate gender steroetypical roles ( eg -you be mum and push the pram and I'll be dad and drive the car). She would also go for 'girls' toys when in the company of other girls despite the fact that at home both she and DS had all types of toy. I think children take in more than we think of the sexist views of society at large. I try to combat this with open discussions about abilities/gender differences etc and can only hope that this helps.

Locally we have a Mums and Tots club.

Terminology is important in changing attitudes. Thats why we changed to firefighter did away with postman and postwoman barmaid...matron and sister seem to be slower to fade.

Single fathers have no rights except as allowed by the mother. In order to secure parental responsibility otherwise he has to go to court several times. That's if he knows he has a child There is no obligation on the mother to tell a father ofhis child.

And organisations for men, chiefly professional ones have given special encourafement to women. The YWCA and WI and womens centres give parental support and training only for women.

And the phrases Women and children are well known and boats are abandoned women and children first by tradition and fact.

I don't think you've really looked into this Mega - parental leave already is equal (outside of the recovery period for the person who just grew and ejected said child), flexible working open to both parents.

The only sex exclusive toddler groups I know around me are just for men (and they truly do get bacon sandwiches, rather than having to share half a rice cake and a couple of grapes with their kid), so you can tick that box too.

What was left? Courts start from the presumption of 50/50 care and work from there, so if you want 50% care of your child following divorce, all you have to do is 50% care for your child during the marriage - that one's entirely in the father's hands, and men are completely at liberty to start mens parenting groups (and I've seen some), and their own websites (although they are also welcome on Mumsnet - including in their own little section of the site), and welcome in most parenting groups and courses too.

See? You have those rights - go ahead and use them to fulfill your responsibilities!

The YWCA and WI and womens centres give parental support and training only for women.

ROFL - the YMCA can run courses too you know (and does), men can set up a men's institute, and men's centres if they feel the need - although in my area all the community centres have parenting courses which are open to anyone - I think you're making this up.

Ok, Rich, if we're ever on a sinking boat together, I'll insist you get off first.

There! Feel better now?

Not sure what this means? And organisations for men, chiefly professional ones have given special encourafement to women - which ones and what encouragement? You seem to be quite cross that organisations set up by women to support women exist. Why is that? If it's bothersome, why don't you get active and set up similar ones for men? Women won't do your heavy lifting for you, you need to get accountable if you want change.

Dd2 used to come out with stuff like that oh it is a boys top or girls can't she did grow out of it I think it is an age where they are hearing stuff at school seeing lunch boxes etc they are just trying to work out whats what I honestly don't its because you are a sahm . Families do whatever they need to do to function if you keep saying this and challange him as to why he thinks this he will grow out of it

Ah, I see it is your first thread, rich.

With respect to the birth certificate, a woman is only allowed to put the father on without him being present if they are married. Otherwise the father can come with her and be afded

I dont think im the angry one here.

Parental leave is not available to single fathers. It is controlled by the mother. If she chooses, the father does not get the parental. Also, as i understand it, the mother has to be eligible for Maternity leave before shared parental leave is available. That is not equality.

Surely, equality is the aim here, isnt it?

How can it be right that a father can be kept in the dark about his child.

Jaquetta

Sorry but you are incorrect. The mother can register a child alone. Download ‘Statutory declaration of parentage’ (PDF, 29KB)

"The mother can choose to register the birth on her own if she isn’t married to the child’s father. The father’s details won’t be included on the birth certificate."

That's what I said, Rich.

Of the 700,000 odd children born in the uk last year, do you have an idea of how many were born without the father's knowledge?

Given married, cohabiting, casual and FWB relationships, plus of course any desire to seek maintenance to support the child, it seems unlikely there are many kids born after a ONS or to a woman who disappears between conception and birth, never to be heard of again, but i would love to know if the numbers dwarf the NRPs paying little or no maintenance for children they know perfectly well exist.

Have you any stats?

Not sure how your points relate to the original post, Rich. They seem more like all-purpose MRA tropes to me. Say it ain't so!

I am angry about a variety of topics. It's how I get shit done. You say it like it's a bad thing

Nope.

Youre the one putting numbers. Im talking about principle.

And it is as i said. A mother does not have to tell the father and she can make it very difficult for him to get parental responssibility. Even ifvhe gets in the birth certificate he has no automatic eight of access.

Andvshared parental leave is controlled by the woman.

Freshwater.. the thread is about breaking down attitudes to gender. I simply replied to a previous post. Why are we arguing when we have the common aim of equality?

I'm trying to understand how big the problem is. Also, if it is primarily women who perhaps don't know the full name of the father (after a ONS, say)or else women fleeing an abusive relationship, that might change the approach you settle on to address the issue, don't you think?

Why are we arguing when we have the common aim of equality?

Do we, I wonder? Jury's still out on that.

Yes Freshwater, youre right. I sometimes doubt your commitment.

Do you now?

That's nice dear.

There's an easy way to be sure that you know if you have a child Mega - stop having sex with women you don't know!

It's not hard to get parental rights, you do have to go to court, but there are established procedures.

Single fathers would be entitled to leave - or do you mean fathers who aren't in a relationship with the mothers of their child?

Again, this can be solved by being a bit more choosy around who you procreate with, and either by avoiding sex, or by using contraception (which still has some risk) if for some reason you decide it's a good idea to have sex with someone you don't know or you have some reason to think won't want to be an equal parent with you.

My DP is on the birth certificate, he has taken some parental leave (not much, we didn't need it), he's taken the kids to groups - because he was careful to choose someone to have kid with who actually quite likes him, and wants him to be involved (ie. me) - no legal bludgeons required.

Can I recommend you do the same?

These insidious messages must be everywhere. We don't promote them in our house (both work, do DIY, cook, look after DD etc) but she still picks them up. She got upset about using her cousin's potty th other day because it's red and has a car on, so it's 'for boys.' A quick chat about how every woman she knows drives a car put a stop to that one, but there'll be another one along in a minute.

Back on topic, hippo, good effort!

There's an easy way to be sure that you know if you have a child Mega - stop having sex with women you don't know!

Do you really think women who know him would tell him if they were pregnant by him?

I mean, they'd probably rather dodge that bullet and be single moms instead. Hard as that is, it is better than living together with or having to share parental rights with an MRA.

So obviously his best bet if he ever wants to be in control of a child's life is to impregnate women who know him well enough to tell him that they're pregnant, but don't know him well enough to know to not tell him. That's a rather tiny time window, that.

OP, nit sure if you are still following the thread, but what does your DP say to your son's comments?