Why do some men think it's appropriate to beep at women and chat them up in the street?

[Queenbean]

It sounds made up but this evening on my way home from work I have been:

• beeped at twice
• hollered at by a man in a van waiting at the lights - told him to fuck off
• then a guy came up up to me and followed me up the street saying how pretty I was, did I have a boyfriend etc. I asked him why he thought it appropriate to harass random women in the street and to leave me alone. Then I told him to fuck off too.

Why do certain men think this is acceptable?

NB, I am wearing jeans, trainers and a cami. Even if I was wearing a crotchless playsuit this wouldn't be appropriate

Every It never used to bother me, I had learnt to ignore it as has happened since I was a teenager, it was just one of those things It was when I had my DS I started noticing again. Walking down the street with a small child and getting beeped at or cat called was awful, how was I meant to explain it to him? Should I tell him it's ok? That it is what he should do to show his appreciation for a woman?

No. It's not ok.

Another one who agrees it is NOTHING to do with looks. If I get cat called multiple times I day no part of me thinks I must be looking good! It makes me feel that there must be more chauvinistic idiots out than usual.
We have to start recognising how unnacceptable this is

Usual old stuff though.

OP:

• beeped at twice
• hollered at by a man in a van waiting at the lights - told him to fuck off
• then a guy came up up to me and followed me up the street saying how pretty I was, did I have a boyfriend etc. I asked him why he thought it appropriate to harass random women in the street and to leave me alone. Then I told him to fuck off too.

Response:
What's wrong with a man beeping his horn? It's a compliment honestly what's wrong with women these days blah de blah

"If a man wanked at me in public I'd be horrified and call the police" Oh deary me yes because that's just SO UNUSUAL isn't it, hahahahaha

Disingenuous nonsense with an artificial line between "good" street harassment that kindly cheeky chappies do to pretty ladies and it's all a bit of fun, and awful horrible nasty street harassment that is done by strange men in macs but luckily that is V rare and society and the police and everyone take it very seriously indeed yesirree bob

everycloud, have you ever been hissed at? If so, did you bounce along thinking, yep I'm looking great? Or did you find it creepy and horrible?
berkleycenter.georgetown.edu/posts/the-hissing-of-harassment-a-startled-em-gringa-em-reflects-on-catcalls-in-brazil

I popped to the shop the other night at 11.30, on the way back two pissed up men were walking in the opposite direction and started on some catcalling bollocks as they approached me, at which point I stuck my arm out and said VERY LOUDLY, 'THANK YOU FOR KEEPING A RESPECTABLE DISTANCE' whilst still sticking my arm out.

That shut the fuckers up, they actually got quite sheepish and apologised.

I ignored them and strode on.

Call the fuckers out EVERY time they do it. Don't let them do it, I felt a hand on my arse on the tube once, grabbed it, held it up in the air and said VERY LOUDLY AGAIN, 'I think this belongs to someone, I just found it on my arse', of course, everyone shrunk away from me because, mad woman, I let him go immediately and he slunk off at the next stop.

Call them out, don't let them do it. When faced down, they disappear like the pathetic cowards they are. And possibly will think twice next time.

Obviously it's not your job to stop men being dicks, that was their father's job, and he clearly couldn't do it - I don't mind taking on the fathering role for them

If it's blokes in a van, they get a smile and the bird. I've got it down to an art, and I like my daughter to see it too. They don't get to say what they like to you darling, no man does that.

I was in a club once Every, dancing away, and I felt something hot on my back, I was wearing a halterneck dress, yep, some fucked up twat, who'd taken too much MDMA had just WANKED on my back.

Is that appreciation? Was I looking good that day?

Well I was certainly feeling good up until that point.

After that, I just felt angry and a bit filthy. Cheers mate.

But, y'know, it's just blokes.

OK, most responses are focussing on beeping and drunken lechery, but the title asks about chatting up in the street.
All boys are socialised to think they have to "make the first move", "try your luck", if you don't approach a girl, she won't approach you. If you're quiet and don't chat girls up, you'll be the one left lonely without a grilfriend.
They're told this by friends, films and TV and sometimes parents.
They see it in action - the confident, swaggering boys who go over to a bunch of girls and chat them up are the ones who have girlfriends..
It starts from a young age, so it's hardly surprising that adult men do it too.
Of course, harrassment is harrassment, and not all women are offended by being given a guy's phone number or passed a compliment so they will continue to do it.

In the street, dey. Not at a club or pub. But when a woman is going about her day.

Like Fauchelevent says, these catcalls are not intended to be compliments (although if challenged the men in question will hide behind this excuse). They are intended to make a woman feel uncomfortable and to some extent to challenge he to respond- if she ignores she tends to get accused of being miserable/frigid, if she smiles and pretends it's OK she gets increasingly lewd comments and if she dares to challenge she can sometimes get aggression. This is the equivalent of a man going up to another apparently weaker man and without any reason challenging him to a fight.

In my experience the women that get this most are those that the men see as most vulnerable- women walking alone, young women/teens, young mums. If it's just a compliment and meant in good fun it's amazing that it's never done to women walking with a big burly man.

I'm glad that I have the invisibility cloak of middle age and chub to protect me from these 'compliments' but it saddens me that at 11 my DD has already started attracting these comments. I also struggle with what to advise her to do about them since nothing seems to put the fuckers off.

Interesting dey, because women and girls are socialised to be meek, not cause a scene often forcefully at the end of a man's fist.

How many of those accepted numbers are ever called or merely taken to make the man go away.

Years ago we were socialised to believe that old women living alone with cats might be involved in witchcraft, we can and have changed socialisation.

Yes, Detestable, in the street. I have read articles in magazines along the lines of how to meet and approach people at the supermarket or the gym.
Admittedly it was a few years ago, and it was probably aimed to women as much as men, but it was "why the supermarket is the new singles market" or something.
People are told (by media, etc) that it is ok to ask people out in every day scenarios, when going about your day.
And not everybody goes to a pub/club anyway.

I used to get this when I was young not now I am old, fat and grey but it has happened to my daughters, its awful

I've never been chatted up in the street dey. Unless you count "Wanna fuck?" roared across the street at me in a UK town (I was alone; he was with a gang of mates) or being followed down the street in a European city for several hundred yards being asked, "Do you have a boyfriend? I want to be your boyfriend. You're pretty girl. I want to be your boyfriend" despite me marching on with a face like stone, sidestepping when he kept getting in front of me to block my way.

The fact that you haven't been chatted up in the street power, doesn't alter the fact that people are told it's ok to do it by media and friends, etc.
Even the heartwarming stories about people who have been happily married for x number of years after one partner approached the other at random (unsolicited) and gave a compliment, asked for a date or whatever.

Dey

Whatever the OP's title, did you read the actual post?

None of those actions showed any concern for her POV on the matter.

Interesting hashtag

www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-trending-36579617

An example:

"When he pulled my earplug outta my ear for not responding? My heart melted" - #NoWomanEver,"

"In the supermarket or in the gym."

Yes. Because, "Oh, you're looking at the fresh fish too. Cod or haddock - tough call, innit?" Woman either smiles and edges away, or flees, or says, "I KNOW, right? Or I was thinking maybe salmon...?" and a conversation ensues and possibly they live happily ever after.

Likewise in the gym. Woman says, "Sorry, were you using this machine or do you mind if I hop on?" He grunts and carries on texting his mate, or says, "Not right now, I'm busy," or, "Sure, I was just finishing up. Vertical rows kill, right?" and a conversation ensues and possibly they live happily ever after.

Man drives past a woman in the street, beeps/shouts at her, and what happens? What can he even imagine would happen that would be pleasant for her?

Men do it cos they think they should make the first move!!!

No they bloody don't! No one on EARTH is stupid enough to think "NICE TITS LOVE" will start a flourishing relationship, oh please.

Can we stop being disingenous and acknowledge that we're talking about harassment and not a sweet guy offering a genuine compliment.

I agree it's in no way a complement. I think it's a controlling reaction an 'I can do this because I'm a man and better than you as you're a woman' reaction. Pathetic!

I work in a profession where women and men are equal so find it very strange when I'm confronted by it. I usually just stare back in shock and repulsion and it stops. I'm disgusted by some of the physical harassment I've just read on here.

Yes, it's quite telling.

dey, I think that the point power was making was that "chatting up" by men in the street generally isn't "chatting up" and is in fact harassment. they might make the excuse that it is chatting up (as if that makes it OK) but really its not.

And yy to the different ways men and women's feelings (and in some cases safety) are considered.