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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminists- what stops you giving up and helps you keep going?

57 replies

LastFirstEverything · 12/06/2016 20:09

By 'giving up' I mean by being a feminist in public, either in 'real life' or on the internet; so, on mumsnet, or facebook, making comments btl on blogs or articles, or wherever.

Because, I often feel disheartened by real life conversations and by some attitudes I come across. The everyday sexism can be so pervasive. I used to try to talk to my mum about things I felt, about feminism, but she really doesn't 'do' feminism. I don't have many close friends, and those that I have are lovely, but are not up for much feminist chat.

So I feel isolated, but come onto mumsnet, and feel less so. But there's a bit of anti-feminism here too (not HERE here, but peppered throughout the threads on AIBU and chat). It's depressing, but I like variety and freedom, so enjoy the variety of opinions too.

Then, I just read the Office leg shaving thread, and just felt so fed up, at times it all feels so futile- the caring about sexism. Makes me want to just never engage because I don't have the energy. Found the Guardian article on it very depressing too, because I really like Victoria C-M, and then I start wondering if I'm just a bit stupid to care at all, about any of it.

SO- Do you ever feel like this too?
If so, do you have any tips on how you cope with the ennui, the depression, the desire to give up bothering any more?

I think if I had a real life community of feminist friends, like I had (briefly) over 20 years ago now as a student, it might be easier. But maybe not, because it wasn't exactly easy at the time- it was challenging and embarrassing to be seen as a feminist, I found. Blush I was often more concerned about being attractive to men, or to 'cooler' friends.

I've been reading (online) Andrea Dworkin, who has encouraged me somewhat. And I like watching Gail Dines videos on YouTube that I've recently discovered. What do YOU do?

Please give me some encouragement or ideas (if you can). Many thanks.

OP posts:
Kennington · 18/06/2016 20:00

Because I have a daughter and although I got promoted after coming back from mat leave there are thousands of woman who aren't and who have no hope of living an equal environment.

erinaceus · 19/06/2016 09:00

More things that keep me going, not because they are feminist per se, but because they indicate what communities achieve:

The London Olympic Opening Ceremony 2012. It just makes me happy, every time. YMMV.

- 1000 Foo Fighters fans appeal to Dave Grohl to come and play in their tiny town in Italy. It worked. He went. The memory of that one time I was in the office late at night on a weekend, and Reclaim the Night marched past my building. I took a break from work and went outside to watch.

And,
The guy I talked to the other week a conference he is organising. I described to him how I feel at conferences where the programme is dominated by there are all-male sessions and all-male discussion panels. He asked that I email him a list of all my female contacts who would be willing and able to speak at his event. He is aware of the problem in my field and doing what he can to address it, and he expressed a sense of hopelessness at how his contacts are mostly men. I cannot make women accept invitations to speak at conferences, but I can connect people to other people, and this is what I choose to do.

erinaceus · 19/06/2016 09:09

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky The dates for FiL 2016 are 29 - 30 October.

twitter.com/FemLonCon/status/658334133437997056

In 2014 I went as a volunteer steward. Volunteer stewards do not pay for their tickets.

One of the things I respect about FIL is that their position statement is as clear as they can make it: www.feminisminlondon.co.uk/position-statement/.

Batteriesallgone · 19/06/2016 11:16

I feel like if I give up, stop challenging etc I will be to some extent colluding in my own oppression. So I feel I have no choice.

Of course I do collude in my own oppression quite a bit anyway - brought up sexist, live in a sexist, racist (broadly) small town, so I have a lot of inbuilt attitudes and assumptions (surprised when a lady builder came to do a quote the other day, keep calling my dd 'beautiful' but don't do it to ds, etc)

I depress myself when I think about it too much. But I keep trying!!

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky · 20/06/2016 10:36

thanks erinaceus.

The website hasn't been updated for 2016 yet so I hope everything is OK - I'm sure I had bought my early-bird tickets by this time last year. But dates are in my diary.

It really was the most amazing weekend and I encourage everyone to attend if they can.

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky · 20/06/2016 10:37

Ah no it was August I got the tickets!!

I'll calm down :)

erinaceus · 31/07/2016 05:16

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky

I am afraid your calming down was premature Sad.

This blog post was posted on the Feminism in London website on 21 June, the day after your most recent post to this thread.

From the blog post:

We have made the decision to take a break from conference organising just for this year...

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