Man cleared of rape after having sex with a woman who thought he was someone else

[Felascloak]

metro.co.uk/2016/05/12/woman-realised-she-was-having-sex-with-wrong-man-so-accused-him-of-rape-5876504/

I feel really bad for this woman (although I think if I was on the jury I probably would have thought there was a chance he believed he had consent). The headline implies she was unreasonably upset when she found the person having sex with her wasn't who she thought and so "falsely accused" him. Poor woman probably feels totally violated.
Also, what kind of man shags a woman who's gone home with a different guy, when that guy has just left the room for a minute. Ugh. He says he didn't even want to

I'll try to break this down gone as concisely as I can. If we want to reduce rape, we need to increase convictions. To increase convictions we need more victims to come foward. Creating an environment where the victims behaviour is put under the microscope, and the words "responsible" bandied around, will decrease the number of people willing to come forward. Ergo more rapists get off scott free. We don't want that do we?

Increasing convictions won't necessarily decrease rape. Back when people were barbarically tortured many years ago for committing crime didn't mean people stopped committing crime

Rapist behind bars is one less rapist adding to the figures. This can't be contentious can it?

So if people commit murder, because some would do it no matter what the punishment was we should say fuck it and not prosecute?

Prosecute by all means but realise it's not a 100% foolproof way to stop crime

No of course it's not, that is self evident. Criminal convictions are three pronged:

1. To punish and thus deter future criminals.
2. To protect society from the individual criminal.
3. Where possible achieve rehabilitation of individual criminals to prevent re-offending.

no system will be 100%.

Well, given that we know that most rapists are repeat offenders putting a few more away will reduce the numbers of rapes proportionally.

I understand precisely what you're saying dervel and have done for some time. It's a fair point but the conclusion is a matter opinion. It's clear that you have weighed up the advantages and disadvantages of finding out more about risk factors for rape and publicising them (disadvantage - could be misconstrued as transfer of responsibility, unnecessarily curtail women and lead up under-reporting; advantage - could empower women at risk to protect themselves from predators). You've decided one way and I've decided the other. The difference between us is that I'm not going to insult you for it.

The more you post Buffy, the clearer it is that you have nothing to substantiate what you're talking about. The need for a better understanding of sexual violence in relationships was highlighted by experts a matter of months ago. It is complex and a surprisingly new field of research where fairly basic terms are only just beginning to be defined. Researchers are still at the point where they are saying 'we don't have a clear way to talk about the difference between activities that are unwanted and those that are non-consenual' and 'we know rape is often part of a wider picture of aggression and control within a relationship but we don't have the full picture about how that works' - all with the aim of understanding what's happening in order to provide support for the victim before and after rape. Although you might be raped in any relationship at all, there are relationships where it seems more likely that it may happen, and that is important. Shooting down any attempt to move forward in understanding in this area is, frankly, insane for someone who cares about women. But stick your fingers in your ears if you wish!

Although you might be raped in any relationship at all, there are relationships where it seems more likely that it may happen, and that is important.

How is it important? Most people going into a relationship don't have a crystal ball to know how things will pan out. They don't predict the man they're with will start being violent when she's pregnant. She might be living a chaotic life with alcohol or other drug dependence. Many, many women worry about how they'll provide for their children if they leave. Many will have grown up absorbing ideas about how men perceive you is what counts, and you should please him, rather than putting yourself first. Many women will have grown up in stable, loving families and will blame themselves for the situation they end up in, and all the feelings of shame. Many women will think, at least he's not actually hitting me, it'll be over soon.

What should all these women have done differently to have avoided getting into a relationship with a man who turns our to be a rapist?

And please stop getting at Buffy. She's one of the most informed posters on this board.

Are we now on to women keeping safe by picking a non-rapist for a partner?

Good-oh.

'we don't have a clear way to talk about the difference between activities that are unwanted and those that are non-consenual' eh???? Surely non-consensual is synonymous with unwanted?

You couldn't intimidate me, Buffy. I am unintimidatable

Hairstyles are interesting.There's a suggestion that hairstyles that are perceived as conservative and submissive may indicate 'exploitability' to a predator. I strongly feel that every little chip of knowledge that builds a picture could be helpful, even if it's not obviously helpful.

As a woman, I may not need to know every little piece of data and certainly am under no obligation to act on it - but the general picture, as a mother, I feel I do need to know - and the behaviour that I want to model to my DD is the behaviour that will make her less of a target for abuse of any kind, as well as all the messages that she has a right to live freely and fully and as she chooses.

I will not be sending my DD out to a club with no advice about stranger rape any more than I will watch her enter the world of dating with no information about issues around consent or what it's ok for a man to ask of her/not ok. No we cannot spot a rapist but that's no reason to go around with blinkers on. If she wants to dress very provocatively it is indeed her choice - but as her mother, I will let her know that there are men out there who are still labouring under that the delusion that her clothing is a signal of her availability - and yes Buffy, researchers are interested in that. Whether or not one wants to allow those misconceptions to affect what one wears is a personal choice and we all have a right to make it in our own way.

That research sounds fascinating, do you have a reference for it?

No, non-consensual is not synonymous with unwanted! Research into why consent may be given for unwanted sexual advances would be very helpful in making unwanted and non-consensual one and the same.

I would love to oblige, but (a) you haven't specified what research you want and (b) you're being disingenuous.

I don't think you can oblige, because a) it was obvious I was talking about the research in your last post and b) I have worked in the field and haven't seen those particular pieces of research.

Do you have even the names or institutions the researchers were based at, and then I can go and look on Athens or one of the other academic search engines to find the original study.

The research sounds really interesting. I would like to learn more about it. Perhaps you could oblige.

I think you're going to have to oblige gone, my searches all seem to come up with the research that Buffy has come up with, which you suggested was incorrect or irrelevant. So, as I said, a name or academic institution would be great.

The main thing i have learnt from mumsnet is to only post when i am absolutely and completely sure of my facts and can back it up if necessary

Otherwise i either caveat it or keep my trap shut...that way i dont look like a complete twat

In my opinion obviously

There are behaviours that place women at greater risk from partner rape? Would those be things like, sharing a bed with one's partner? Undressing when they are present in the house? That sort of thing?

I would assume the number one behaviour that places women at greater risk from partner rape is:

Being in a heterosexual relationship.

If you decided to take the risk and are in a relationship with a man, getting pregnant is dangerous, that's often when abusive behaviour starts because you're at his mercy, then.

So, my rape-prevention advice to women would be:

1. Don't be in a relationship with a man
2. Don't share housing with a man
3. Don't get married to a man
4. Don't get pregnant if you live with a man/are in a relationship with a man.

Of course, the men who are thus in no relationships might turn to raping women they know instead of women they are dating, so:

5: Don't get to know any men if you can at all avoid it.

Thus, you reduce your risk of acquaintance rape. The only thing left then is stranger rape, where you have a better chance at getting a conviction for the rapist.

Is it not our responsibility to ensure that as many rapists are locked up in prison as possible?

Take responsibility! End your heterosexual relationship now! Get a sterilisation!

(Should I add a sarcasm tag?)

Live in a harem surrounded by eunuchs I suppose.
Though your husband could still rape you.

Actually eunuchs are still capable of piv sex, they just cannot impregnate the concubines, the patriarchy at its most creative