is this sexist to be commented on every morning

[moomoome]

every morning i go into work the man i sit next too needs to comment on what im wearing. i work in a professional job and always wear professional dress. many of my colleges wear t-shirt and jeans etc. im aware that my background (Hertfordshire girl, mostly dresses) makes me a bit different from my rural Australian female colleges (pants and shirt). but is this not a bit sexist to greet me with comments about my dress? his comments im sure are kindly met but he and the boss see no issue in this. i find it extremely sexist as my ability to do my job is not based on what i wear.

It is very odd behaviour. And OP is right to feel uncomfortable and to seek to get it stopped.

I don't think it is sexist behaviour as such but more very odd behaviour by one employee who happens to be male towards another employee who happens to be female but who is different from the other employees.

I think the person in question is odd and creepy. This is one way he is showing his oddness and creepyness. I can imagine such a person creeping out other people but in different ways.

Buffy I can pretty much guarantee that if a bloke wore a suit to the office every day, particularly when the rest of us are in jeans, someone would start going "nice tie Bert" every day or some such.

Um, if Bert thought half the office were thinking about shagging him, I'd think Bert was deluded and vain. And would avoid bantering with him to make sure I didn't encourage his attitude.
If he was uncomfortable about his clothes being different and let people know that the comments were annoying him then they'd stop. And if they didn't stop he'd be completely entitled to complain.

So, women assume men are letching all the time so the woman would feel uncomfortable where a man wouldn't so therefore the man's sexist? Wouldn't he also be being sexist to NOT banter/admire ties (whatever he intends it as) with a female colleague if he would with a male?

I'm basing this on OP's saying that she's dressing differently and more smartly. Obviously if there's a snazzy-tie and suited chap sitting on the other side who gets ignored then it does sound like there's some sexism going on.

Look, to keep it simple - "could you stop commenting on my clothes, I don't like it, ta." If he keeps doing it then he's way out of order and complain complain complain.

Think yourself lucky. When I was younger a much older colleague of mine said, upon me bending over to pick something up whilst wearing a skirt "my god, you just made me cream my trousers"...
I was 20 he was about 50. He seemed to think this was perfectly acceptable.

I don't have a twitter account and I'm not particularly interested in having my opinions validated or otherwise by twitterers or whatever they are called.

What is relevant here is odd and creepy behaviour by someone who clearly does not understand how to interact with his office co-workers.

I know this is unbelievable on here but in 35 years of working in various offices I haven't come across any which is the hot bed of leching and leering which apparently the norm. I have encountered bullying, bad tempers and odd people (of both sexes) one wants to avoid.

In the context here his behaviour breaches good employment place conduct. It makes the OP uncomfortable and is unacceptable because it is crossing personal space boundaries. I agree with cat's suggestion of a short, simple statement telling him that.

I'm not sure what practical difference it makes to the particular situation whether it's sexist or not. Is the OP only going to tell him to stop it if FWR validate his behaviour as being sexist as opposed to being irrelevant and irritating and over personal?

And what difference does it make whether or not it's sexist ? His behaviour is deemed to be bad and justifies complaining about if it's deemed to be sexist but not if it's just irritating and annoying?

I think it's a pity that irritating and distracting behaviour can't just be called out.

Some people are sexist. I'm well aware of that. My contribution to trying to reduce that is to start by trying not to make sexist assumptions myself, and to challenge it when I see other people making them.
I should keep off the feminism boards, it never ends well.

I don't think the OP's colleague is odd or creepy, Lass. Commenting on the appearance of an (often younger) woman by an (often older) man is actually very common place. As can be seen by reading this thread, many have defended his behaviour on the grounds that this is 'normal' nice behaviour. Others have disliked his behaviour and told their own anecdotes of experiencing the same kind of thing.

So it's not odd or unusual and it may not even be creepy. The man in question may think he is behaving in a perfectly pleasant, 'normal,' socially acceptable way. That's the real point of this discussion - the man is behaving in a way that shows he feels instinctively entitled to make comments about the OP's appearance; he feels entitled to have a vested interest in her attention.

Also, it's not easy for the OP to ask him to stop without her appearing rude or as if she is making a fuss over nothing. The inventive suggestions on this thread about ways to put a stop to this in a humorous fashion attest to that.

I haven't read all the way back but I don't think any one has said commenting every day, which is what this man is doing, is normal behaviour or defensible.

There is a huge difference between making a comment on an obviously new dress or suit ( which to me seems normal and fine and commonplace ) and commenting every single day on what she is wearing.

You call this "entitlement" fine , up to you. His behaviour is not normal , nor in my experience remotely commonplace.

op this is my suggestion:

1. Get one of those boards you can push pins into (like they have for posters).

2. Plan your wardrobe for a full week. Take phots of each dress. Print out photos on A4 paper, with space next to photos so you can write in it.

3. Go to work with noticeboard.

4. When he comments on Monday's outfit, write the comment in next to the dress. If he queries this, say 'Well you always comment on my clothes Dave, so I thought I'd go through my whole wardrobe and see what YOU think is most appropriate for work. Unless you'd like me to bring all my clothes in so you can go through them with a scoresheet? Might be quicker.' Then smile.

5. Write down his comments (if he dares to make any) for the rest of the week so you have a record.

Alternatively, do a version of the above but in a word document for your own reference with the pictures though). Record for a month, then send to him and your boss with a note that this is the monthly digest of Dave's comments on your clothing. Ask if they'd like to receive it weekly or quarterly in future

Sorry, typo above - include the pictures in the word doc, is what I meant to say?

I'm from country Oz (though have lived here for 9 years) - and yes, it's definitely a cultural thing/ problem still there If it were me, I'd make a point of everytime he makes a comment, as others have said, throw one back at him (nice shoes, etc.), probably with a raised eyebrow/head tilt....

My sister works in a male-dominated industry, and was asked by the HR manager, no less (!!!) why she had never had children. Same manager is now suspended due to sexual harassment. It's shitty and needs to change!

Thank goodness my dad came from a family of feminists!

Hmm. He doesn't do it to other women, so it's hard to generalise imo; op has described their dress sense as very different to hers, so maybe that's why. My feeling is that he thinks he's being friendly and is trying to pay a compliment. However, she's said she doesn't like it and complimenting people every day is socially odd anyway.

So to my eyes he's gone from 'nice guy paying compliment' to either 'twat who thinks his opinion should be heard (esp by underlings/women) because HE'S PAYING A COMPLIMENT DAMMIT' or 'nice guy with social awareness issues paying compliment'.

Since we have no corroborating evidence of his day-to-day behaviour, the kindest interpretation is option B. With option A, he could indeed be a sexist twunt.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist I know, she should absolutely challenge it.... but then she runs the risk of being branded "the whinging pom" I love my country, but it is so bloody backwards sometimes...