"The hardest thing about being a wOman is deciding what to wear"

[IndominusRex]

I've never posted here before so I'm a bit nervous (waves hello) but reading this quote from the Glamour awards made me so frustrated I could burst.

So to stop me feeling like my head might actually explode, I'd like to ask, what's your hardest thing about being a woman?

I'm stuck choosing between endometriosis, constantly being told by society that I'm doing things wrong, being felt up on the tube, or the lovely PTSD thanks to abusive ex.

Although picking the right t shirt out IS tough sometimes...

I had a referral once to see a specialist - my GP said that lots of people would dismiss my symptoms because "women bleed, don't they"... She's fab.

But yeah, I've had to think more than 30 seconds what to wear this morning. It's terrible.

Vestal

That's true about the WEP and health. I'm not sure how we go about getting it on the agenda - I am a member and I'm waiting to hear back about volunteering, so will keep it in mind.

For me, the hardest thing about being a woman is having to be constantly aware that I'm a woman. So if I'm in unfamiliar environments I have to be hyper alert, if I'm at work I have to modulate my discourse so that I'm not being labelled aggressive, once a month I have to pretend I'm not doubled in pain, and how to take my sanitary items to the loo without my mostly male office noticing. I have to worry about the gender gap and my stalled career, I have to check that I'm dressed 'modestly' in some of the countries I visit, I have to ward drunken businessmen off in my work trips.

I don't think men have to spend so much mental energy around the fact that they are men.

There are lots of annoyances but I think that on a global, collective scale it's the violence perpetrated against women. I feel incredibly helpless and angry reading about these injustices.

I'm sorry that getting dressed is such a chore, Caitlyn.

Yy cranberry and depth

Yes - Depth, exactly that. And you have all that even if you're not one of those people who cares about what other people think of your looks and indeed fashion choices, i.e. you don't care if other people are judging you for whether your shoes match your earrings. I couldn't give a rat's ass about that but still feel all the pressures Depth describes.

For me the hardest thing right now is knowing how much shit there is lined up for my daughter that my sons won't have to deal with. If I thought things were getting better for girls it would be easier but there seems to be a mix of things going forwards and things going backwards.

Thanks Glamour, really pushing the boundaries for women there.

For me, it's the fact that I get cat called on the street. Really brightens my day that one.

I'll probably not articulate this well but I'll give it a shot.

For me at the moment, one of the hardest things is going through a breast cancer scare, that all though I don't have it now, I'm at a higher risk of developing in the future, will be having more tests in a few weeks to find out more, and I'm absolutely terrified that the worse case scenario will be my reality, that I might have breasts removed as a prevention, because I've been outspoke at how women are objectified for their breasts I feel like a hypocrit worrying that I'll there's a chance I'll no longer have them, and that I'd take reconstructive surgery if offered.

The pain I'm in after surgery has been dismissed by GP, three appointments and I'm sent home with paracetamol, wheras DH phoned last week about back pain and was given Tramadol without an examination or even speaking to a GP.

I'm also finding it hard that my Daughter will face some of the same things many of have, I find it hard that I can't do anything to stop her being cat called/assaulted. I appreciate DH feels the same and worries about it too, but I think it's different, as he isn't coming from the perspective of experiencing it. hooe that made sense.

The only time I've worried about what I'm wearing is if the dress I'd quite like to wear for a party makes me look as if I'm "asking for it".

Over the last six months it’s really been a progression. I have found that women have so much unleashed power that they don’t really utilize because they don’t have confidence in themselves about who they are, and what they can do. I have always actually been with and attracted to very strong women, and I think I’ve learned a lot from them. The power of the woman has just not even been unleashed around the world.

Also this from Buzzfeed article annoyed me. It's telling women what they just need to be confident and they'll have power, if it was that easy women would be doing that already. It's spoken from a privileged position of not having that confidence chipped away by society as you grow from a child, to teenager to adult woman. I think it's a bit offensive to be honest.

I think it's more than a bit offensive, INicked! I'd go with "massively patronising and reeking of male entitlement and ignorance" myself.

To me it comes over as "ah, bless, look at you lovely little women trying all hard and everything. You're still not doing it quite right though, you know, this womanning business, but if you just tried a bit harder you'd do so much better. Like me".

So let's all budge up and let Cait show us how it's done! She's been practicing for months don't you know, and she's pretty sure she's got it taped now.

Or, what Buffy said, much more concisely while I was typing!

I also thought that about the confidence remark - at work I am very confident in my abilities but it doesn't mean I am able to display that in the same way that my male colleagues do and see the same result.

"at work I am very confident in my abilities but it doesn't mean I am able to display that in the same way that my male colleagues do and see the same result."

Me too. :(

Caitlin Jenner is a complete and utter airhead.

The only time I've worried about what I'm wearing is if the dress I'd quite like to wear for a party makes me look as if I'm "asking for it".

And that is the only context in which this absurd statement by Jenner would make sense.

If he had said it in the context of how hard it is to choose a dress that will neither have you branded a "prude" or just "unfashionable", nor make you look like you are "asking for it" ... well, that'd be different.

But apparently not. (And no, I won't use female pronouns for a person who knows nothing about being a woman)

This is the reality of growing up a women, I suspect many on here will have similar experiences of sexual harrasment.

The link is to a story about pupils being told to walk to school in groups after a man harassed a young female pupil.

I agree with spondulix. I live a pretty charmed life, but the global oppression and hatred and violence towards women just for being women sometimes takes my breath away. Some days I just find it so hard to see what other women are going through, hear their accounts, and feel so fucking powerless to change it.

I sometimes cry at what's ahead for my daughter.

The classic meeting scenario where I make a suggestion, get shot down, a male colleague repeats the suggestion and is praised and it gets implemented is pretty frustrating. I could of course continue to argue my point, but that would mean it would be less likely to be taken forward, not more, and in the end I care about the results more than the recognition. Maybe that looks like a lack of confidence, but it's actually confidence that my idea is the right one and that it doesn't matter how I make it happen.

'Having the temerity to be clever and confident' (that rings so true for me Buffy) isn't just a problem at work, either. If I'm in the pub with friends and one of them for example expresses a common misconception or a political view that is informed by a skewed interpretation of data then I know that I have to be a lot more careful than the men with how I respond. They basically say 'nah, that's bollocks' and explain why, and both men and women accept that. If I said that I would be being rude and aggressive so I do a lot of 'that's really interesting because you'd think so, wouldn't you, but the other day I happened to read this article that says we're completely wrong' or similar awful things that prepare the person for being told that they are wrong in a soft way.

It's not my confidence that's the problem.

For me personally, there's physical stuff: The impact of childbirth, the tears/repairs, slight incontinence, the UTIs, going through early menopause complete with hair loss, needing to replace hormones for years to come just to stay healthy.
There's future risk: the choice between avoiding walking alone at night, or being alone and vulnerable, like ever, vs independently getting on with life with car keys firmly grasped in palm, alert to every man that is near, just in case.
Psychological: knowing that I'm cleverer and more capable than many men I meet but they will be more successful because they are men.
Knowing that because I am the Vagina-and-breasts-having-person I got to have the babies and feed the babies (all good) but my future career is gone now (not so good).
Knowing that I can't put the genie back in the bottle: Having my eyes opened to the million unfairnesses perpetuated by a patriarchal society has made me feel miserable and angry each time I open a newspaper or turn on the TV or chat to a man who I considered to be a reasonable chap only to see that women just Do Not Really Matter.

Knowing my perfectly brilliant, joyful little girl will have to face all this crap too. Because some things seem to be going backwards.

This will out me completely as I've complained at length to my XX friends about this.
I don't go to the GP often, and when I do I like to be prepared.
I explained my symptoms of menopause, my symptoms of arthritis and my worries about Osteoporosis.
(Just finished extended breastfeeding feeding and hit the wall that is mid menopause within a fortnight).
I admit I cried, but I wasn't sleeping, and in pain as well as all the hormonal shite.
The nurse practitioner, with GP present offered me fucking antidepressants, because I was sad now I'd stopped breastfeeding. They accused me of losing weight - I don't own scales but knew what I weighed pre pregnancy.

Long story short, I am mid menopause, have just had surgery on my arthritic knee, am now on calcium /vit D for osteopenia and I've got HRT patches.

Oh and when I converted kg to stones I weighed exactly the same as I had previously.

It's bollox.

It may be a stupid answer, but may be an insightful metaphor (???) too. For me, it's questioning and deciding who I want to be and what I want to do in the face of what everyone else thinks I should be doing / feeling / acting. Kind of like deciding what to wear and how to go out into the world as who I am, with confidence (be gentle!)