Misleading campaign trying to con the UK about the horrific level of domestic violence committed by men against women

[BigChocFrenzy]

A dadsnet thread came up last night on active, asking us to sign a petition to the Royal Borough of Greenwich that they change their poster against domestic violence "Dad's have to change."

The thread claims FALSELY that "women perpetrate physical and emotional abuse at comparable rates to men"

This campaign is pushed by the usual suspects of F4J and Torygraph, part of a broader aim to downplay male violence against women. It is conning an increasing number of people, especially those inclined anyway to make excuses for men.

Karen Smith has an excellent blog analysing statistics to show domestic violence is overwhelmingly MALE:
(CPS stats over 5 years) 93.4% of those convicted were MALE.

Female victims are far more likely to suffer violence, to suffer more repeated incidents, to suffer worse injury.
Contrary to popular myth, men are MORE likely to report an incident and to continue with prosecution.

Home Office statistics for England & Wales show on average per year:
. 100 women killed by past or present male partners
. 10 men also killed by MALE partners
. 20 men killed by female partners

So, 20 female killers for every 110 male killers.

See also the very sad Counting Dead Women

I agree, it is correct to put the message DV is wrong out there. I personally think this message is already out there, more than ever before but appreciate this could be to do with the people I mix with.

However I do think there needs to be more acknowledgement that the perpetrators of violence need help. Hating them (the anger and vitriol has been apparent on this thread) because they are dysfunctional and destructive does not help unravel and solve what is wrong. This is an emotional response, completely understandable and normal but take it too far and more conflict arises. It is unsettling because it shows plainly how violence perpetuates violence.

I think this poster is part of a well thought-out campaign.

www.royalgreenwich.gov.uk/press/article/573/campaign_to_tackle_domestic_violence_and_abuse

In particular:

"This single poster was developed as a result of evidence which shows that fathers who are abusive to their partners are more likely to seek help to change their behaviour if they are made to face up to the damaging effects their behaviour has on their children."

It's aimed at changing learned behavior (learned from all the ways that men use violence to control and oppress women and have done for centuries) and taps into a perceived incentive to do so, which is what many social marketing campaigns aim for.

I am officially psychic.

and hiding this thread.

And you can fuck right off.

Are you seriously suggesting victims of DV are to blame for perpetuating the cycle of violence by being angry about the abuse they've received and the abuser who did it?

Really?

Tell you what, you go and make all those lovely abusers a cup of tea and have a nice chat about how they're the real victims. We'll wait here for that to eradicate all DV. Mmhhmm.

It's a well know fact among domestic violence advocates that campaigns aimed at children are perceived generally to get a more positive response than those aimed at adult victims. This is true for fundraising as well as for social marketing campaigns. It's because most everyone is concerned for children (as we all should be) but sadly far fewer people really care about the women, who are, in fact, often blamed for being victims of violence. In my opinion, responses to a campaign like this one with "what about the poor perpetrators" contribute to this societal lack of concern for those women.

No, I am suggesting that violence arises from unresolved and uncontrolled anger. If a victim of abuse stays angry and hurt without any resolution this can be destructive to themselves and/or others. As with men who were abused going on to abuse.

And I am concerned for the woman as well. I don't think unresolved anger does anyone any good. As mentioned up thread, women often turn the anger inwards on themselves and self harm.

No, it doesn't.

Violence arises from a decision to be violent.

I am sometimes angry, and I sometimes fail to resolve or control my anger. I've not yet battered my family.

I know a lot of women who were abused and who experience unresolved, uncontrolled anger. It's horrible and toxic and destructive. Yet, for some reason, it's largely not directed out at other people.

So anger is toxic and destructive. Either it turns inward or is outwardly destructive. What I am saying, is that the way to resolve this anger is to understand it more: how to control it, how some people find this difficult. If the anger is dealt with, the destruction is minimised.

Nah, anger was the only thing that got me through my DV episode. It stopped me feeling like a powerless victim. Didn't beat anyone up or self harm, mind. I wonder why.

People are far too afraid of anger, it can be a powerful motivator and driver of change and is, I feel, an important step in the healing process. I totally agree there needs to be support for DV victims to channel it and/or deal with whatever other emotions they may have.

But suggesting abusers shouldn't be told they are abusers, or apologising for them, or tiptoeing round their feelings intimates a fear of them and what they may do. Bollocks to that. They thrive on other people's fear.

Regarding feelings is not the same as fear. It is just learning how to negotiate a path around / avoid a dangerous situation, de-escalation. It can mean people spotting dysfunction early and dealing with it sooner. More understanding avoids fear.

I'm not apologising for abusers, why would I? I am not responsible for their actions. I am just saying, that acknowledging abusers are damaged themselves, can give victims answers to prevent them turning the blame inwards. It can prevent further unresolved anger.

So anger is toxic and destructive. Either it turns inward or is outwardly destructive. What I am saying, is that the way to resolve this anger is to understand it more: how to control it, how some people find this difficult. If the anger is dealt with, the destruction is minimised.

Why are you equating violence, with self-harm?

Do you really think people who harm themselves deserve to be lumped in with people who decide to be violent to others?

What a revolting claim. I hope you were just being thoughtless, not deliberately equating those two things.

Fear of violence is pretty much the thing that supports male privilege

Yes, this.

Jeanne

Why are you equating violence, with self-harm?

Sigh. Only in that it is a dysfunctional and (self) destructive behaviour. People who are violent to others often self harm too, though, the behaviours are not mutually exclusive.

What's wrong with being angry? Anger is a justified response for someone who is the victim of violence. You might want to hold hands with violent men and sing Kumba Yah but women who actually have experience of this should not be told they shouldn't feel angry.

I said up thread anger is an understandable and normal response. Leave it unresolved and fail to control it, though, can mean it is not a constructive response.

Well, all this empathy is lovely.

Do you know what's lovelier? Stopping the violence.

Capisum, what would be in your poster to stop the violence? What are the magic words, the magic images?

cap, you didn't 'only' equate them in those terms. You equated them.

You still seem to think the root 'problem' is the inexplicability, or lack of understanding of, anger.

It's not.

The root problem is violence. Let's stop explaining it away with misguided speculations, and admit that it is the problem.

No, I am suggesting that violence arises from unresolved and uncontrolled anger
Domestic abuse is not a anger issue, it is a power and control issue.

The vast majority of domestic abusers do not have convictions or a history of violence towards anybody else other than the woman/men they are in a intimate relationship with, it is not just bosses or friends or strangers they are not violent towards it is sisters mothers and other family members. A huge amount of the time people will not believe the victim because nobody else other than a wife or girlfriend has ever witnessed any sign of it.

Have you ever spent any time at all facilitating perpetrator programs?

anger management is not a stratigy they tend to use because teaching anger management to domestic abusers can be very dangerous.

Over the years I have been a facilitator I'm pretty sure I have not attended one group where a member hasn't attempted to go with the uncontrollable anger stance and not been verbally challenged by most of the other members.

A huge huge amount of domestic violence (and I'm using that term as I'm now referring solely to the violent aspect) is premeditated sometimes hours in advance.

Like the man who planned to throw a pan of boiling peas over his wife's legs having earlier ordered her to wear shorts, or the one who would intentionally move stuff to give him an excuse to break his girlfriends nose, the one I hear more of than anything else is the pick your clothing one, who will order you to wear a skirt them beat you because men are looking at you.

There are no 'magic' words and images, Yonic, that was rather my point.

Helping people who need help, who often ask for help but do not receive it. Putting the money into the services, which deal with mental health and substance abuse, is where I feel the focus should be.

Who said uncontrolled anger always involves a sudden loss of control? I suspect anger can build over a long period of time.

So - no posters? They are a waste of time?

Public health, safety and crime prevention posters have a long history; impacts will have been measured.

Do you feel the same about drink driving posters?

I thought you were worried about the posters triggering a sudden loss of control?

Yet it's so uncontrolled that you only attack your partner and in most cases have worked out if he/she is going to be easy to manipulate and abuse by date 3