Hair length

[Moobaloo]

Hello

Long time lurker on this board. I have something niggling in my brain at the moment.

I have a toddler DS. He has chin length hair. It's very cute. It gets in his eyes so I tie the top part into a topknot thing.

Naturally he gets called a girl a lot. This happens even when he's in blue/a top with a truck on but I mostly dress him in gender neutral bright colours. I have no problem with people mistaking him for a girl, it's not their fault! I just say "he's ..." Whatever they've asked.

However what has been bothering me is the constant "why haven't you cut his hair yet" "you've got to do it sometime!" "He looks like a girl!"

Pretty much all with a negative tone.

Two things: 1. What's wrong with looking like a girl? Is this some implication that being a girl is 'bad' or a negative thing? What's wrong with girls? I feel that this could promote bad stuff if slightly older boys hear this "looking like/being a girl is bad" all the time.

And the one that's really stuck in my head: since when can boys not have long hair? There are loads of men with long hair! And the biggie - I am a twenty something woman. With short hair. I have a pixie crop. I like it, it suits me. NO ONE has ever told me to grow my hair because I look like a bloke!

Anyway. I don't really know where I'm going with this.

Suggestions of answers for the people who tell me to cut his hair?!

Thanks for the rant space x

AskBasil - great post.

Dd has short hair. She's 3 and quite capable of telling the hairdresser she wants "more short" and doesn't want to grow it. Given how much mud and paint she gets in it, I'm very happy to go along with this.

Also her favourite colour is blue (followed by pink) and she usually insists on wearing jeans. With pockets. And she likes vehicles and weapons. So on the whole if someone figures she must be a boy so they can stereotype her, it's possibly more accurate. So far she's quite capable of telling people who assume she's a boy "no I'm a girl and my favourite weapon is ..."!

Ds's school is pretty diverse and one of his friends is a boy with long plaits. Apparently boy wanted long hair and parents said OK but it has to be plaited for school. Will be interesting to see if he keeps it through junior years. Ds's main problem with stereotypes is being a boy who hates football and generally gentle (he cries when little sister beats him up. I'm trying to persuade him to at least shove her away, though currently his threats to turn the telly to things only he wants are fairly effective!).

Actually ds hates haircuts but hates brushing/combing/hairwashing even more, so will go along with haircuts. He likes more of a bob than shaved. I just detest hairdressers myself.

But boy children can look girl-like with long hair and girls can look boy-like.

Bollox.

Toddlers look like toddlers.

um, I think one question is why is OP intent on gendering a todler in the first place? His/he/him...

I'm completely puzzled as to why anyone needs to "ID" the gender of a toddler or young child on sight. There's no difference in how you would respond to a baby/toddler/child based on their sex. Or at least there shouldn't be!

You'd have thought so Culture but there is. Based on my terribly scientific data pool of one on going out with DD in the sling - she's a little baldy and I usually dress her fairly gender-neutral, so outside nappy changes it's not clear which she is. She commutes in with me two days a week so attracts quite a lot of attention which she loves. When people think she's a girl the comments tend along the lines of "isn't she small" "isn't she beautiful" "she looks so cosy cuddled up in that sling." When they think she's a boy, it's all "what a big boy!" (she's actually tiny for her age!) "strong little man" and "I bet he can't wait to climb out of that sling."

She's dressed in dinosaur dungarees today. I DO hope the other under-ones at nursery aren't bullying her.